Sunday, January 31, 2016

I couldn't convince myself..

I couldn't convince myself to step on the mat. I had back PAIN. Tonight I woke up each time when I turned around. Pain woke me up. It's horror. During the last 2 years the Ashtanga yoga practice was too aggressive and too unbalanced. The price that I pay now is high.

A metaphor: If one wants to chop a tree, one has to chop again and again and again and after some time only a last hit makes the tree fall down.
For some time the body integrated the unbalanced practice. 90 % of primary is unbalanced. It's forward bending and 2 twists. Especially supta kurmasana can be very unbalanced and stress the body. The rule is to use always the left leg first. The right leg has to be moved behind the left leg, so the stress on the right side of the back is higher. Why one shall not alter the legs? I never found an explanation here. One day the body has enough. It cannot integrate the unbalance anymore. The answer is pain. Pain is the language of the body.

Whatever I do, I can only do it for let's say 30 min, then I have to alter the activity. I can sit 30 min, then I have to move, i.e.. I have enough.
Yesterday and the day before yesterday I cleaned a lot here, because we expected guests last night. This was too much.

I keep experimenting what is good for me and what not. I fear primary. Back bending feels good. Yesterday I bent forward to relax. It took a long time till pain disappeared. Then  I feared not being able to come up again. It was a nightmare to move the body in an upright position. In daily life I hide this pain and limitation. Do I still have hope that this will disappear one day?

Two Magnesium and two Kalium helped me today. I feel much better now also because I did some exercises for the back. I want to avoid pain killer.

The lesson is learned. I don't fit anymore to the mainstream.
I don't care if I can come up from urdhva dhanurasana or if I can do kapotasana. I had joy to work towards this goal. I was relaxed in terms of the results. My main goal was and is to have a daily yoga practice. I want to find out my limits on a daily basis and push them a bit yet within healthy limits!!!!!!! This is enough.

This is all spilled milk of yesterday.
I'm so sad. I knew better.
Yoga is not about reaching any asana. Most yoginis are fixated on this because they are stopped if an asana has not yet the outer form. Breath, dristi, consequent practice are not considered at all. Only reaching the toes or whatever is the criteria if someone can go on in the series.

On Monday I'm alone at home again. It's planned to be 90 min on the mat. Breathing and meditation is on the schedule like the asana practice,

30 min are over.... I have to move....

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