After my yoga practice I feel always differently, I think differently and I act differently. This practice gives me a deep satisfaction. I love my body and I love to feel it the way I feel it when I practice Ashtanga yoga. This is my thing, this practice fits to me. I don't want to give it up anymore. This might be egoistic, I'd do "almost" everthing to be able to do that morning practice as long as possible. Greedy I feel sometimes because of this, egoistic, ruthless, but this practice is sooooooo goooooood for me.
Self-sabotage I call it now. I used to write differently about it. I used to say yoga always brings me back on the healthy path. I see now the gluttony in restaurants as self-sabotage.
For some time I ate best quality of food, but not much and no alcohol. I feel excellent, light and full of energy. I also lost that extra kilo. Nevertheless to have the perfect weight doesn't guarantee a perfect practice, but it's more likely that the practices are good. Today I had an excellent practice. It felt so, I don't know how it looked from the outside. It felt great. Highlights happened also:
- My knee was behind the shoulder comme il faut. I never was so far.
- I was able to balance when I pushed me up from handstand to pincha mayurasana with legs in padmasana. I didn't fall against the fall. :)
No self-sabotage anymore, shall my life-style support my practice and not compensate it.
Another story: I usually give my best when I'm in a Mysore class. This is also something that develops with time, the ability to practice till the limits. This intensives the practices.
A few days back I felt weak, I was not in the mood to drop back into urdhva dhanurasana. Fear was felt, I felt stiff. After my three wheels from the floor and my 3 drop backs against the wall I waited on my mat till M would come to hold me when I drop back. He also lifts me up, hahaha, it's so easy. But M is attentive and concentrated when he teaches and he realized that I omitted to drop back on my own. He told me why it's good to practice it always: Fear can return. Abilities can get lost..........and what I indeed see, too, perhaps I interpreted it: It's not good advice to ask oneself every here and then: Am I in the mood for this today. Simply doing it, is it. No procrastination. This is one of the intentions of the vinyasa count in my opinion. One breath follows the next, one movement follows the next, vinyasa asana vinyasa. There is no time for being moody or for asking basic question like: why all this.
Today I felt the reluctance to drop back, but I did it 3 times and I could hold me. Yep. Not big thing, I thought afterwards. :)
What I observe during my yoga practice is also applicable for other parts of my life. Focus is a key word. Action and not so many questions keep the things rolling.
I must focus on my project, one by one. No self-sabotage anymore. I don't need lousy jobs. I don't feel lonesome without envious colleagues. I have beloved people, men and women around the globe, of course also in Munich. I want to have the time to enjoy these friendships and I have the time for this for the time being and I enjoy. I don't feel lonesome, not a bit.
I also love that I can pamper my bf a bit. Every night we stroll around to move a bit. :) I motivate him.....hahahaha.......
So, enough now.
Shall I be strong and focus on my projects.
Shall I not feel bad that I've a life that I love.
Shall I not feel bad that I'm so greedy. It also means that I'm passionate, that I've energy.
Shall I not feel bad that I'm not so indepandant as I always wished to be. Enough people suffer already in companies, I don't need to be one of them.
PS: The book my Seth Godin "Linchpin - Are you indispensabe?" is very good.