Friday, September 30, 2011

On a love affair


When I fall in love I like to spend all my time with this beloved one. I cannot get enough from this person. But it comes the time where enough is enough. Not that feelings might have changed a relationship, but also the insight that it's good to have some distance after a while. Other friends need time as well. It's also a pleasure to be alone. A symbiotic relationship can develop to a relationship with a bit more distance, with a bit less time together. The intensity needed fade away. I'm convinced of this.

So I feel re Ashtanga yoga for the time being.
For years I had never enough time for my practice because I had a 9 to 5 job and always had to work more than this. Household needed to be done, too and sometimes I wanted to see my bf. A Mysore class was offered once a week in the evening for only 7 months a year. Times have changed and in the last 2 years I could live an almost symbiotic relationship with my Asthanga yoga. Time was not limited anymore and I enjoyed it to wake up with this practice and to go to bed with it. In the meantime Mysore classes are offered in the morning. The practice itself, taking picture, watching youtube videos, blogging, reading books about yoga was all part of the affair. Indeed a very lively and playful connection.
The insight that I must give room for other activities is painful. It's a bit like being left even though I'm the active part. Life has more to offer. I want to get paid for my activities (it won't be teaching yoga).
- What gets attention grows, what gets no attention dries out.
- To limit time always intensifies the time spent is also true.
October is a hot Ashtanga month in Munich. 2 teachers who I both appreciate a lot offer workshops. I won't go. It's painful. The thought that I won't attend is not joyful. Must I really vex myself that much? I mean, I could find ways and money to participate. I could. It's perhaps a sign that after 2 years something new is growing. I want to tame my passion for Ashtanga yoga. A bit.

That we've Mysore classes in the morning here now has changed my life and my ideas how I want to live. That was much. Practicing 6 times a week, blogging about yoga, taking pictures shall be enough. Next year I even want to travel to Rishikesh.  I'm reasonable. I want to keep this Ashtanga love lively. This is why it's good to have something else in life, too.

I shall see how my life goes on. What can I decide anyway.

Yesterday I didn't practice. What a relief that I managed it to write the letter to the health insurance. If my yoga practice makes me more stress than it brings relaxation to me, something must be changed. In the evening I was so in peace, because things got done. (Good that I can blame the innocent yoga practice not to have done a few duties, hahahaha.)
Today I practiced. It was good despite the thought that I don't progress. This cannot be true, too. 3 years ago I couldn't take my legs behind the head, nowadays I can. Today I tried to improve these tiny things that make a difference. The videos from Laruga influenced my practice today. I could integrated some tiny improvements.
- I lifted my leg straight for utthita hasta padangusthasana.
- My hand could grasp the toe without help of the other hand in ardha baddha padmottanasana.
Ah, how nice.

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3 comments:

Debb said...

I love and appreciate your honesty. Yoga can be felt off the mat too, so any daily practice is beneficial, for me. I have struggled with Ashtanga because of the sequence of the asanas and often felt guilt when I omited some because of the time contraints. I have a body like yours in that I must be awake for at least one hour before practicing and with a work schedule (and needing 8 hours sleep) the full primary series is not possible for me on a daily basis.

As with all love affairs though, there are ebbs and flows, ups and downs, this is the nature of life, isn't it?

Ursula said...

Yeah, I agree.
It's not the practice itself only. As you mention it, me too, I need an hour to wake up. All the showering and extra activitiesneed time, too.
You know how neglect finishing my "important" book.
My love to that practice is unbroken. But it shall not be 100% of my life and nothing else.
I don't think that another workshop would make such a difference to my practice. There is more in life....

Nevertheless the show goes on. :)
I'm a fan of self-practice.

I wish you relaxed practices. As it is it's exactly as it is supposed to be.

Ah, I love your new picture.:)

Anna said...

Hurrah! how interesting. I look forward to seeing what is added back into your life!