Tuesday, January 11, 2011

Up.......


Yes, I didn't practice yoga for 3 days now.
- On Saturday was my day off from yoga, it was marathon cleaning day. I worked a lot, it's bodily work to iron and to clean the book shelves. I sweated and was exhausted afterwards. E invited me for dinner.
- On Sunday I wanted to start my yoga week with primary, but I felt still exhausted from the activities on Saturday.
- On Monday I felt the inner pressure to move on with my decluttering activities. It's important to feel strong when doing this and I felt so strong on Monday. So I went on. I could let go of sooooo many books. Really. Books on mobbing, on history, old accounting books, everything had to go. I threw it out. It would last too long to sell the books. It's never much money that is earned  with old books, but of course it makes sense to appreciate every Euro in my current situation. Nevertheless I thought to get clearer and clearer is more important. To create a vacuum for new things is more important than to make 30 Euros. To let go of the past is so important.
Clutter cannot be organized, it must go.

Times have changed enormously during the last decades. Many books were bought during a time where Internet didn't exist yet. I got most information out of books. Today other sources are available, too. One must take this into account.
However, I was proud of myself, when I saw how many books I discarded. I took them to the backyard quickly to avoid to go through them again to save some of them.

Interesting that I've lost also 1 kg again. My decluttering activities have always symbolic character. I arrive in the here and now. I let go. I throw out what seems to be a protection. I don't want to hide behind my goods and avoid life that way. This stuff keeps me so busy, it steals my time. Away with it.
That I've lost one kilo again is also because of my healthy eating:
On the pic is a dinner that I prepared for E and myself during the weekend. Half of the plate is filled with salad. The green beans have no calories at all, but taste well. The potatoes are filling and good carbohydrates. It was all a bit dry, I admit it. My mother would have cut parsley in addition for the potatoes and she would have poured butter over the potatoes. This is more tasty, yeah, but not that healthy.

Seeing my weight on the scales this morning made me very optimistic re my yoga practice. For a while I had to admire my naked body in front of the huge mirror. Oh, my belly muscles can be seen again. This looks great. I have also strong back muscles and my legs are strong, too, so are my arms. My body is the well-trained body of an advanced Ashtanga yoga practitioner. I love it. Ah, quickly I jumped into some clothes again, it was still a bit fresh in here.

Back to yoga: Today I practice, for sure. And decluttering activities come afterwards.

The insecurity of my current life provokes different sort of feelings:
- Worst case scenarios go through my mind. I see myself in worn-out clothes. I see myself reading the menu in restaurants from the right side. The future seems to be dark and failing seems to be programme. These minutes don't last long, Hehehehe.
- In the next minute I feel full of energy and can't wait to experience the adventures that will come. Where is the next horse to ride, I ask myself and look around.

I went out for a long walk yesterday. It was cold and this was good. I shivered. The coldness cleared my mind and in the evening I was full of optimism. Let life flow, I thought. I updated one of my blogs about my online activities. I came to the conclusion that I cannot do more but to do the little next step.

I finished my day reading in the book "The 4-hour workweek", an excellent book BTW. It strengthened me and made me believe that also for me a life outside the companies is possible.

3:30 pm: I forgot to publish my post this morning. And time flies. I had an excellent practice, second series, I feel great, I'm full of optimism, and I feel like working. I love my life.

Picture is taken by Mahesh at position Latitude 36 degrees, 34 minutes and longitude 0 in Mediterranean sea. Hehehehe. Enjoy.

13 comments:

Paz said...

Dearest,

For me it's so visible, evident and noticeable that all your energy is shifting. Big changes ahead. Trust me. I know. Wonderful big changes ahead.

Love,

Paz

Ursula said...

Ahhhhhhh, Paz, yes.
Some trains depart and I cannot reach them anymore. So good.

On other trains I have to jump onto...

Some grains got little roots, now these flowers must grow, and they do.....

Right now I embrace the current insecurities and I welcome the coming excitments. So much energy is felt.

A tender hug for you.

Love,

Ursula

Anna said...

Me too - mood swings from 'it's hopeless'and inertia to euphoria and action in 5 minutes. I basically love to observe myself and wonder why I can't seem to get from here to there - but it never stops me thinking about what I must do. And meanwhile whole years go by... :-)

Ursula said...

Hahahaha, yes the last year i.e. is over....

We both don't give up.
Moods, I try not to take them too seriously.

My current insights: I need to be organized "a bit" better. To write about everything supports my activities.

Much energy for you, Anna.

How about your stay in Munich? Is it still on the list?

lilasvb said...

are you on diet for a specific reason or just because you " want" to be even more skynny ?
i never be on diet, it must be hard

Ursula said...

I'm NEVER on a diet. And my weight is within my own set limits. During Christmas time I gained some weight and now I've reached my upper limit.
Ashtanga is so much easier with these 2 kilos off. That's it. Nothing serious, but I'm a perfectionist.....:)

Anna said...

Yes - the visit is still on the cards. I would love to live there for six months or so. It will be another year here, unfortunately.

PS. Is your cleaner the same one who wrote: Unter deutschen Betten?!

Ursula said...

Cleaner and Unter deutschen Betten? This connection makes me laugh, but I have no clue how to answer this question.

Ursula said...

I googled. No, she is another one. Hahahaha. Should read the book, it seems to be funny. Dirt says a lot about people, for sure.

Anna said...

The book's publication was actually reported in the English press! Why, you might ask? Well, the story amuses the English as it plays with the stereotype the English have of the Germans that they are extremely well-organised and well-ordered :-)
Anyway, the cleaner wrote under a 'pen name' so it could be your cleaner - except that your apartment is now de-cluttered, clean and tidy (!)

Ursula said...

Hahahaha, ok, interesting. It's work on progress here. Just working on that goal to get rid of all clutter.

My P. woman, yeah, she wouldn't write. She is surely a very nice woman, but languages are not her hobby or passion. After 20 years in Germany she is not able to speak one correct sentence, not even the most simpliest one. It drives me crazy. Now I've written what I wanted to avoid. I'm thankful that we found each other.

I'm going on now with decluttering. I feel strong.

Anna said...

I agree Ursula - language acquisition is surely one of the most important ways of showing your interest in the country you have chosen to live in!
I am at the point of letting go of some things I am emotionally attached to but... I'd like the space to let new things in.

Ursula said...

To be honest, I don't care if she appreciates the Germans or not. I'm not even sure if she lives here. She is here to earn money. The issue is, one has to communicate a bit at least and this exhausts me, I'm never sure if she understand me. I fear I'm sometimes unfriendly, which I regret.
So it is.

Yeah I'm on my way to invent myself newly. Hahahaha, old things have to go. Also mind clutter has to go.....