Saturday, February 13, 2010

Uncomfortable outside

I was out and I am glad that I am at home again. The snow is melting. That's the good news because it started becoming dirty. The ingredients for my meals are at home: vinegar cucumbers, couscous, green beans, bananas and other good things. Not yet, but later I will prepare a potato salad with Brussels sprouts aside.
A lot of other things are to do, too, mostly reading (7day -ebook) and writing. I must stay motivated, I simply must. The Saturday phone calls are a burden for me. Turn off the voice I tell myself, the phone call is over. My life is not yet over, I don't want to get these messages each weekend in most subtle ways. I could also think: Perhaps someone is caring for me, but I don't want this either. Turn it off, turn it off this radio. Only 10 years and then I can retire, then I can sit on the sofa all day long, such an attitude shall not be mine. Especially when starting something new, something that has not yet manifested fearful voices are a disaster. "Will you ever get a new job?" I don't want to hear this and I hear sentences like this for decades. Such words are nothing but brakes in my mind. I always got a job and I always lost it. Fine, where is the problem, I won't starve. To read books from Bandler and Zelinski keep me motivated to go on with a more active life. Those who feel weak are weak, those who feel old are old. I feel not bloody young, but great. Yes. Less and less I allow my mind to set myself unnecessary limits. Simply to survive is not enough for me, I want to enjoy my life and I do. Others shall care of their own lives. Amen. I am not interested in recommendations that come out of fear. Jump and the net will appear are sentences I like. I also don't want to move in a bigger flat, to be more representative or to be able to invite people. I don't want to impress anybody. It is really tiny here, but the rent allows me to travel to India and to stay there for a while. This is my lifestyle. I prefer to see the world than to hide myself on the sofa in front of the TV. Perhaps one day we will move in a bigger flat, but it's not the time. A tiny flat has advantages as it does not allow to collect too many things. It reminds me to let go.
Grggghhh, this felt good. Even though I know that everybody acts and speaks as best as it is possible at a given time, I was fed up to listen to pessimistic points of view. No one is really responsible for what's happening. Yes, yes, yes, I only prefer more uplifting supporting messages than fearful ones.

A yoga free day can be relaxing from time to time. It is good to listen to the body. When I had only home practices I had the feeling I need a yoga practice every day. Nowadays I have intensive yoga Mysore classes, often I am able to reach my limits and therefore a rest day makes sense. I enjoy it.


Anonymous said...

Just remember, dear Ursula, other's opinions are just that, their Opinion, not Truth.

let me guess it may be a relative with the opinions... Sometimes I miss my parents, sometimes not.. in my life with them, 50% of the time was citicism, 5% supportive and the remaining 45% - nothing...

Why so much judging in the world? Often, when I am frustrated with how someone is treating me (my perception) I dedicate my yoga practice to them, with all the intense energy built up in the practice it helps me to heal and Love...

You are a great inspiration to me, your attitude of openess, living free, and yet a great discipline for yoga - it is a Huge thing for me (we say Huge in America for very important)

Ursula said...

Dear Debb, thank you for you wonderful comment.
It made me even smile about the percentage. So it is.

Mercy with all of us. :)

I arrived already in the here and now. My potato salad is already ready and smells great. The Brussels sprouts are still cooking. 2 hungry animals are waiting till everything is finished.

Greetings and much love to you

rhh said...

Ursula -- Some of your comments are worthy of a long reflection:
“I feel not bloody young, but great. … Simply to survive is not enough for me, I want to enjoy my life and I do. “

“ …I also don't want to move in a bigger flat … but the rent allows me to travel to India and to stay there for a while. This is my lifestyle. “

“A tiny flat has advantages as it does not allow to collect too many things. It reminds me to let go.”

I especially like your reference to your small flat. My wife and I are in the process of downsizing – we are way too materialistic with a big house. Even if your flat is small, you have that wonder narrow area with the sun shinning in on your practice.

Also, saving money to travel to India simply is a wonder lifestyle. It shows us your values.

Ursula said...

Oh what wonderful supporting friends I have, it makes me happy.

We are on a journey through here on this world. Not so much belongings are necessary.
Btw Karen Kingsten (space clearing) is a wonderful person. She was once here and I attended a workshop. She tells one story after the other and she is rather entertaining. Her book is great.

Anna said...

You are in the best possible place for you right now! Your life sounds great to me - I'd love to live in a tiny flat with my few possessions and lots of sunshine - that's paradise. Oh, and not being a slave to some pointless work. And fit and healthy and happy. You've got it all!

Ursula said...

It's true Anna. I am happy with what is......:)