Saturday, October 31, 2009

So nice to have a day off from time to time

I mean really, doing no yoga from time to time is nice, too.
So much is done today, and the body could recover.
Tomorrow primary, urdhva dhanurasana at the end will be a focus. I'm looking forward to it.

Relax, relax, relax......

Let go, relax, everything happens. Give up fighting, any effort. It makes no sense, it is in vain. Life happens. Enjoy what is, it is so incredible much.

It is Saturday evening and I enjoy my clean flat.

Time to read.......

2009 - there were already several suspense curves

This morning I wrote my private journal and I looked back what has happened so far. It is perhaps a bit early, because 2009 is not yet over, but this year had already different suspense curves and I experience a break:

2009 started with a funny party. I was up till the early morning and I laughed a lot this night.
In the beginning of 2009 I had no job. I got a job rather soon, which was boring in the beginning as I had nothing to do. This is no lie. I was hired because of strategic reasons. I changed the department. Then I had something to do which was also boring, but I was more or less hated by colleagues. I had to go after 7 months finally . This was the best what could have happened, even though it was not my intention.

India: I travelled to India again. Everything was under the star: everything happens. You can do nothing, let it happen. I lived with wonderful people in Mumbai. I could practice yoga with view to the Arabian sea, around me were the highrises of Mumbai. I saw Ramesh Balsekar, once alive, once dead. He was the reason of my travelling. Perhaps I got the message: live happens. Let it happen. Everything is perfect as it is.

I got fifty!!!!

Ashtanga yoga: I finally managed it to drop back into urdhva dhanurasana. This happened after years of exercising it, surely one of the highlights of this year. I saw how I still limit myself, more is possible than I think.

Ups and downs happened in my dreamed life. Is everything a dream, a story!

What else can I expect in 2009?
It remains to write my book. I hope this will happen, I hope I will have the energy and motivation to write it. It shall be the escape from this 9 to 5 jobs.
Travelling will happen. I will travel to Berlin and to Dubai in November. Flights are booked already.
An exciting year so far, surely. 2 months are still open, I am excited.
Tomorrow I will practice primary Ashtanga series. It is always good to start with the basics. :)

We deserved this red wine from South Africa

Yeah, I opened the last bottle of red wine from South Africa. We two cleaning women deserved something for our throat. We were diligent. And motivation is fading. I managed it to go through my papers on my desk and I cleaned it. It was necessary to put everything on the floor. Then I arranged it again. It is all so much better now, I created space.

No, I am not through, now I have to file the important papers. Nevertheless not only the little first step is done, but a huge step. Tomorrow E will travel to Sweden for a week. So I can go on with my project to create space in a tiny flat.
Or should I write I go on becoming essential.

I stick to it

No yoga today. My body needs a rest day. And tomorrow I start with primary. I don't know it yet but to do pranayama could be a good idea. And just to sit, to be in silence with myself is a good idea, too.
I am up and it will be a marathon cleaning day (with help). I long for clean and space-cleared rooms. I will exercise to let go........

Friday, October 30, 2009

And tomorrow is a yoga free day

Red wine for me this evening. :)

Urdhva mukha paschimottanasana

Buh, just a test with my SLR camera. Yes this camera is much better than my small one. Other things are to consider. I cannot adjust the self-timer without my glasses. So as soon as I have adjusted the self-timer I must remember to put my glasses aside. But I have much more time, I have now 20 sec and this is really much more time, double as much as with my tiny camera.
My body is stiff, I need a rest, I feel this.
I am no more in the mood to take pictures of myself.

Friday Mysore class today

I did "only" primary. Now I belong too to those who write "primary only". Hahahaha. It was enough today. When I say this then it is really enough.
Back bending is improving. We added a pose to work on back bending. I'm learning Vrschikasana B now (against the wall). This is the pose where one is in handstand and where one tries to bring the feet towards the head. It feels great to exercise it. It's a deep back bending and balancing pose.

Today I focused on my strong legs. The poses improve when I do this, even though I know each change in focus also means a step back first. With strong legs I cannot bend forward as much as I did before strengthening the legs. But it is important to do this. It protects the knees and it makes the asanas even. Not to forget to use the leg muscles makes them strong and this is necessary for second series.

How I love it to be so challenged.

I have a plan now

I asked, but now I have a plan for my Ashtanga practice:

The Ashtanga week usually starts on Sunday. Saturday is a day off. This Saturday I need a day off. This meas I will do a few surya namaskaras, so that I can sit easily in padmasana. Pranayama will follow and meditation. That's it.

Sunday: I will start with primary and intensive urdhva dhanurasna.
Monday through Wednesday: I will do the standing sequence, paschimottanasana, then navasana, and then the second series till pincha mayurasana.
Thursday and Friday I will do primary "only" again.

I love this plan.
The last week was very intensive. I am glad that I have a day off now tomorrow.

I will have to study second series, I fear I have forgotten the right order......

It's still dark outside

I am up, it is early, I slept well, but I woke up before the alarm clock could wake me up.
Am I happy that I can go three times a week to a Mysore class now and once to a led class. I know, I know, my life cannot circle only around yoga. But this week I simply enjoyed it. I just came back from the kitchen. I got my cup of coffee. I observed my body how it will be today. Of course I still feel the intensive practice of yesterday in the muscles, but not in a hurting way. Today is Friday and I am curious if I shall do primary only. I am also curious about my plan that M will give me.
I have the feeling I leap ahead. To have the possibility to practice 3 times a week in a group simply makes a difference. I am in such a yoga high. Wow.

An important reminder for myself: I have to work on my book. It shall be an income source that shall allow me to go on with my luxury life. Yes. 3 hours I shall work on it every day from 1 p.m. through 4 p.m. This pleases me. This shall happen. Hahahaha. As if I can manipulate my fate.

Thursday, October 29, 2009

Strong legs

Led class this evening: It was excellent.
When I do second series I struggle with different poses to come up. It is laghu vajrasana and urdhva dhanurasna to name two. The first series prepares the second series if done correctly. In order to come up I need strong legs. They can develop during the standing poses and also during the sitting poses when used. This is what I do now: I use my leg muscles when I sit, I stretch my leg. This also helps to have a correct foot position. The poses have much more stability when the leg muscles are used.
Oh my I sweated. It was excellent. I had focus. It is easier to practice in a group. Surely. But I have both now. I am very happy.

Time for a shower. Tomorrow morning I will have another Mysore class. This is so damned good.

PS: urdhva dhanurasana is coming, I mean to stand up from this pose is coming. I few months and I have it, but no more years. I feel this, if this is true, I shall see.
PSS: I gave my very best. This night I hopefully won't wake up at 3 a.m.

Shall I go, shall I not go, shall I go, shall I not go.....

I go. A led class for me this evening, for the Ashtanga junkie.

Currently reading

"Collision with the infinite - A life beyond the personal self" by Suzanne Segal.

Janu sirsasana B

Just a test, just a test. I mean it is my hobby to take pictures of myself doing yoga.
I have this wonderful SLR camera and I didn't know how to use the self-timer. The manual didn't help much. So today I went to one of the storehouses pretending to buy a camera. As I am a bad lier soon it became clear that I only wanted to know how to use the self-timer. Now I know it. The salesperson had to play with the camera a bit as well. So it is not that easy.

One of the advantages of the big camera is that I have 20 sec! till the picture gets done. This is double as much time as with my little camera, half of the stress. Now I really can relax into the pose.

Even though lately I found out that it is not that bad to learn to go quickly into an asanas.
The goal is to go into an asana with one breath, this is not much time either.
This is not possible for me for all the asanas. No way to do marichyasana C within one breath i.e..
I am happy now, I've learned something. To learn the details (where to put the camera, how to focus it i.e) comes tomorrow.

Do I still have the energy to call the dentist??? after such a "big" success?


Music helped. It helped not to have any expectations. I practiced, second Ashtanga series only till kapotasana. I didn't care how long I was in an asana. I simply practiced, it was better than I thought it would be.
Energy: It's a topic we discussed lately. I think it can be helpful to have a plan when to practice what, that takes into consideration the energy we have available during a week.

I think my to do list that I made this morning was simply too long. It exhausted me only by reading it. Less is often more. Now I feel relaxed.
I discarded the idea to go out for lunch to have pasta with red wine. I have not had breakfast and I have delicious jam here.
Mood IS better. To move the body is the secret when the mind creates moody thoughts.
Yeah, breakfast now.

Picture: Laghu vajrasana (to come up now is the task, strength is needed)

Ah, so difficult today..... stay on my mat. Even a moderate practice seems to be difficult, not because of the body. I am flexible today. The mind is so distracted. Doing yoga is a concentration exercise, too. This is what I see clearly this morning. I don't want to let "moods" decide what happens.
Back to the mat. Just practicing, with no expectatins, just doing the asnas and the vinyasas, that's it. In an hour it's over.....Hahahahaha.

It was a bit after 7 a.m. when I got up

It is OK, as I woke up at 3 a.m. and this is in the middle of the night. This was too early for me to get up. I didn't sleep well afterwards anymore. So to get up at 7 a.m. was rather good.
I have a lot of things to do. I have made a long list yesterday in the evening. My home improvement activities must go on, focus shall be the kitchen and space clearing.
And today I want to find out how to use the self-timer with my SML camera.
To work on my book shall not be the last activity I want to do.

Yoga first: I still feel the intensive practice of yesterday. I'm not overstretched, but I feel that I have done something. I will focus on back bending today. This shall be enough.

Wednesday, October 28, 2009

Please, I want to quote.....

"Perfect brilliant stillness" by David Carse page 359 ff.:
"So much worrying, so much anxiety, unrest. All the billions of body/mind organism, trying, longing, hoping, striving, struggling. Hardly one is free of that inner crying out, that quiet fear..........
Many times I say that the Understanding, this teaching, is not about comfort. Self realization is annihilation, pure and simple. The truth is that you are not; there can be no question of the 'you' being comforted. And that is true; this is not about comfort, but about truth. If truth is to be known, the individual self is not to be comforted, but totally lost, annihilated, dissolved. There is no other way: there is no way to wake up while staying comfortably asleep. Comforting, stabilizing, strengthening the sense of individual self can only lead to prolonging the suffering. The sense of individual self, looking for comfort, must always be frustrated, always come up empty, for it is not.

And yet. Yet if only once, only for a moment, there could be letting go, if there could be that pop of the shift in focus and the individual self seen beyond, seen for what it is, "an echo, a rainbow, a phantom, and a dream," then there is something. Then the individual self is gone, and needs no comforting. The individual self was simply a thought, an idea; a 'false imagination' that cried out for comforting. When the true nature of things is seen, apperceived, then there comes something far beyond comfort, though there is nothing any longer that needs it."

It is as if I go to work, because....

I leave my home at 8:20. But I go to a Mysore class in the morning and not to work. Oh, am I enthusiastic. I just prepared a cup of Earl Grey tea for myself. I don't want a 9 to 5 job anymore, I thought. Something else must happen. And it will.

My practice was excellent and I am learning so much. M gives me a lot of adjustments. This man does not hold me back, but he pushes me in a most positive way.

And I have time for a practice according to my rhythm, I can really work on the poses. In the end I might be a bit slower, because such a practice - first and second till kapotasana - is exhausting.
M will work out a plan for me, on what day I shall practice what. Friday will be dedicated to primary "only" i.e. In the beginning of the week, we will work more on the second series and new poses. I could kiss this man. He satisfies my ambition. "We must work with the energy that is available during a week," or something like this, he said to me. I know what he is talking about. Friday is usually a weak day due to the days before.
Wow, I am an Ashtangi-junkie.

Ha and after urdhva dhanurasana we do handstand now, but not only this, I shall try to touch the head with my feet. How I love this pose.

Urdhva dhanurasana:
-First I lift myself up three times, inhaling/exhaling 3 times.
- Then I come to a standing position, stretch with an inhaling, arch back with an exhaling, come up with an inhaling. Hands are in prayer position.
- After this M helps me to drop back but slowly. He helps me, of course. Feet are supposed to be parallel, legs remain almost stretched. That way my hips and my back opens. We do this twice.
- After this we do the same thing but with modifated breathing: stretching/inhaling- dropping back/exhaling - feet walk quickly to the hand - rocking and up with an inhaling. Stop. We do this 3 times. This is so intensive, that I feel already an improvement. Really. I mean to arch back 11 times is not nothing.
Let's face it. It was good that I was able to drop back to face and conquer my fear. But the position of my knees was and is totally wrong, against the nature of the knees. I don't want to harm my body. This means I have to learn how it goes correctily also when this means that I have to step back now.

Tomorrow I will practice alone, I will focus on back bending. Perhaps I will go to a led class.

I am up, I can see the sun

....and I am in a hurry already. I want to have a little breakfast before I go the the Mysore class. I need a bit of energy in form of food, but not too much.
My focus today: The breath, the vinyasas and back bending.

Picture: Chaturanga dandasana. The upper arms and the back are in a line. Many people go to far down then the arms are like wings. My feet are not parallel on the picture, but in reality they are when I do this pose. Chaturanga dandasana builds strength, which is helpful in daily living.

Tuesday, October 27, 2009

When is it ever too late???

When we are dead?
For a few things in life it's too late a bit earlier than with 100+.
But often we limit ourselves.
"It's too late now", is probably often an excuse for not being courageous enough.
But I am not an expert.

Salabhasana B

In earlier times the hands were put next to the hips (I've heard this). Then there is much more tension in the fingers. It's a nice variation.

Salabhasana A

Ah, one day, I will have light and place......and everything.

Parivrtta trikonasana

Those who do this pose know that it is difficult to feel by oneself when it is correct. The position of the head is important. Strong legs are important. It is a balancing pose. The hips are supposed to be parallel. The hand points to the sky and not elswhere. Fine.

Parivrtta trikonasana

A nice parivrita trikonasana: only nothing can be seen.....hahahaha. I'm playing.
Ah, yes, the new curtains are up.

How to link websites - a test

Padmasana is a classic yoga pose. It's the best for meditating.

Oh it seems as if I am successful.

A modest yoga practice today, but this was the intention

I needed a modest practice today. The body needed to recover from the most intensive practice yesterday. If the breaks after every asana were necessery, I doubt.

Nevertheless I feel good now. It's good to move.
The body is relaxed, not the mind. The visit at my parents home still haunts my mind.
I intend not to be there during Christmas time. Hahahahahaha.

Time to empty my mind and to start working on my home. I need another curtain. Also the one in the yoga room must be replaced. And I have to iron. These are the next few steps.
Action, action.

And what is the script for me today?

Will I be prolific again today?
I woke up before the alarm clock could wake me up, it was before 6 a.m. I feel full of energy. I am also a bit curious how my body feels today. The yoga practice yesterday was very intensive. In the evening I felt my lower back. So far I feel good, how I really feel I shall see when I will be on my mat: "only" second series is planned. Back bending.
Time for another cup of coffee, time for writing my journal.

Monday, October 26, 2009

Karna pidasana

This pose prepares pindasana. Feet touch each other. It can be a challenge to bring the palms together.

Baddha konasana B

Baddha konasana B is one of the rare poses where the back is rounded. The feet open like a book. Also this pose opens the hips.

It's evening

Yes, yes, yes, something is done, I can be content, it was a prolific day. It took all longer than estimated. But a difference in the bathroom to this morning can be seen. What else can I expect. Will I have still some energy to clean the floor??? I don't know.

And my book??? Grggghhhhh.

"Go out to have a cup of coffee outside."

Good advice from my bf.
I am diligent. The shower curtain is up and I am wet from head to toe, like in India. I started cleaning my bathroom. Oh, it's a job that lasts longer than one day. But everything starts with the first step.

I need something to remove the mold or whatever this is what is so grey between the tilings.
The floor is not yet clean. I have still to go through my stuff (cosmetics, lotions) to check what I can throw away, because nobody is using it.

All the cleansers are empty now. This is a reason to go out to buy new stuff.
Today I will focus on the bathroom, tomorrow it will be my yoga room and living room.

Shopping list: I need something for the mold, something for the toilet, something for the sink and bath tube and something for the floor, 4 different cleansers.

The washing machine is working, I need fresh yoga clothes for Wednesday. 3:30 now. Buh.

In sum my actions were satisfying, a result can be seen.

Time to work on my book. Yes.


I went to a morning Mysore class today. What a gift.
I looked at my watch. I need 2 hours when I want to practice first series and second series till laghu vajrasana. My practice is not so slow, but 2 hours are required to have a meditative practice with flow.

Not that it is possible to do everything that I am told by M, but I get so many impulses, I am happy. I feel that I leap ahead. I am enthusiastic, yes.

The supporting leg: During the standing sequence it is important to really use the supporting leg. This gives strength and helps to make the practice soft. And I need strength in the legs to come up from laghu vajrasana and urdhva dhanurasana and kapotasana.

Jumping through: This was my personal focus today. I somehow managed it to jump directly into tiriang mukha eka pada paschimottanasa. This was a surprise.

Supta kurmasana: When my legs are behind the head I put my hands now in prayer position and try to stretch my back. This intensifies this pose. We learn a new exit. After bakasana we go into handstand. Ohhhhh. I swore a while ago, that I will never say, this is not possible for me, so I simply do it and I do not think so much about my abilities.........

Pashasana: Give your hips the impulse to come up, just the impulse. This helps to balance. Soon I will be able to stay in that pose with flat feet on the floor........

Kapotasana: We worked on this demanding pose as well. Wow, love it. I was asked to sit between my legs. Then I went back with my upper body. Then I put the head on the floor. My hands were on M's feet and then I lifted the body up. Perhaps I can do this at home with blocks. After a while I came up? How? I have simply forgotten....

Urdhva dhanurasana: We worked on this pose, too: stretching and inhaling, then dropping back and exhaling. Walking the feet to the hand, rocking a bit and up with inhaling. Feet are parallel, hips push forward. The feet are supposed to be grounded. Not everything is new to me, but I exercise it now again and again.

I got so many adjustments especially when I did back bending. This is soooooo goooood for me.

Now it is clear, I somehow must find an occupation where I can practice 3 times a week in the morning in a Mysore class, profiting from a group and a very good teacher.
In the warehouse (I have this shower curtain now) I looked in one of the many mirrors there: I looked so refreshed, relaxed, happy, even young........even younger as usual :)

Tomorrow I will do a modest exercise: Second series only. Perhaps I have some time to take some pictures......

My eyes are open.......

....and I also face the fact, that me too, I have to do something that money comes in.
To work is somehting I like to do in general (even so there is no choice here), but I also feel certain insecurities. What will it be, that I shall do next.
It's good that the thought and the motivation came up to work again:
I must find an oil source.....(wink).

Yoga first.

Picture is taken in Mumbai. I fear I have written this post only to have an excuse to publish another picture of Mumbai.........

Shall this please be a prolific day.....

Up, this is good, it's not late yet. I have a plan.
In an hour I have to leave the house. I go to a Mysore class this morning. What a gift, that this new Ashtanga teacher, who settled down in Munich offers classes in the morning and that I have no 9 to 5 job. I must take advantage of it.
On my way home I will do shopping: I need a new shower curtain. Today I will do home improvement starting with the bathroom. 2 hours I will work on this project. It's absolutely necessary to do here something.
And.........2 hours of the day I will dedicate to my book.
4 prolific hours in total. This should be doable.

Ah, the coffee, is so good.
I wake up...........

Sunday, October 25, 2009

Holiness everywhere

Yes, this picture is taken here in Franken.

Eggs, my brother has hens

My brother has hens and therefore eggs. One egg is light turquoise, but it cannot be seen in the picture. What a perfect form.

I start loving autumn - the colors, so beautiful

Autumn also means apples

....from the garden.

Birthday means birthday cake

Fathers 81st birthday was celebrated with cake. Lunch was delicious, too. The cakes were made by my mother.

German autumn

That's it, exactly this picture symbolizes German autumn for me.

Up, no dancing today

I am up. No dancing (practicing yoga) in the living room today.
I am not in the mood, to expose myself.
I will be a decent daughter.
I will eat (best food) and sit and I will do conversation and I will eat and I will sit..........

Saturday, October 24, 2009

A gift for my readers

Thank you for accompying me through my dreamed life. You, my dear reader were the surprise for me. In 2006 I started with this blog not expecting that anybody would read it. Today the 100th followers joined this blog. Yes, I love this. I am also very happy that I even had the chance to meet some of my readers who are all over the world. Even friendship developped.
I have a present for you. I admit it is also a bit for myself. I use the sanskrit names most of the time when I write this blog. Even me, I confuse them and forget them. But it is part of the way to learn them. I created a blog that I open today for the public where you can look up the poses. The labels are in alphabetical order. It is not complete, not yet, it will never be. The advantage for me is that I can see the developement of a pose. When I click on padmasana i.e. all pictures that are published under this label padmasana are shown. Over the years I can see what happened with this asana.
I searched in my archives, and I found pictures which are 4 years old. Oh my, I look older now, I thought. This is how life is.
In case the thought comes up that this is too much about me, then please remember I'm nothing but an instrument of the divine. So are you.
The blog is a happening, nothing was done by myself.
Have fun.
Pictures are taken in South Africa, India, Cran Canary, Munich..........
Btw, you find the link on the right side of this blog. Scroll down.......the link is called "Asanas".

Report from the mat

Progress comes slowly, not in inches or centimeters, but in milimeters. And it is not a slow and steady forward/upward movement. Sometimes setbacks are experienced, sometimes there is a leap ahead.
Today I had a wonderful sweaty practice. It is as if I've learned to sweat in Mumbai.
Oh, now I realize it, I practiced second series, but today is Saturday, it's the day for the primary.
To be a bit confused from time to time is OK.
Urdhva dhanurasana: I have new challenges. I try to keep the feet parallel when I drop back and I try to keep them on the mat. That way I drop back from a much higher level. I have less fear, that's good. I push my hips forward. Today I used the timer: I was in standing position and arched back, hands were in prayer position in front of my chest. 1 min I wanted to do this. After half a min I felt to come up. To work with a timer is a good idea. To hold a challenging pose for 1 min could be a good timing.
Picture: bakasana

Friday, October 23, 2009

Virabhadrasana A - left side

The rim of the right foot is supposed to be on the floor. But also when doing the left side, the hips could be more parallel. They must rotate more or less. That's what I will try tomorrow......
There is no simple pose......

To live means to move

Time has come that I like to start with kapotasana, secretly of course. :)
A few pre-exercises cannot be so bad........
I am like a child..........I play 24 hours a day.
I feel it, it's a long way down. Kapotasana........

Virabhadrasana A - right side

Let's gossip about asanas: Virabadrasana A - an underestimated pose, this is for sure. Most people stand too high, but this aside the hips need to be parallel. This is the challenge. Also this pose opens the hips. Arms are supposed to be straight, flat hands touch. The movement goes up and back. Also my left side is not better.
I see again how much it makes sense to exercise hanumanasana.

Uttanasana B

I am back in the Western world. I wear less colors: Grey, beige, silver.

Uttanasana A

Ah, I finally understood the difference: there is uttanasana A (see picture). When I inhale lift my head and open the chest then this pose becomes uttanasana B. Then only my finger tips touch the floor.
Hasta padangusthasana is when I fingers hold my big toes and when my hands are under the feet it becomes pada hastasana. It is all forward bending with little variations.

Bandhas: I can feel it. When I use the bandhas I can go deeper into the pose at once. Nevertheless there is still a way to go. But I don't want to sacrifice my straight back.

Adho mukha svanasana - a classic

The hands are supposed to be like pads. Focus is on the middle fingers. It's a perfect pose to exercise the bandhas. When separating the legs from the hands a bit more it can become a preparation for pashasana.

Prasarita padottanasana B

Yes, the arms are parallel as it is supposed to be. Important is to keep the back straight. This is the challenge. There is a corresponding asana to that one: upavishta konasana. It's sitting with seperated legs on the floor, the body bows forward. Then it can be seen if it is possible to take the chin to the floor with a straight back.
Here the gravity helps.


Dandasana, a pose that invites to remember the bandhas, the breath. The heels lift a bit from the floor. This gives this pose some tension.

I am up, yepee

Black coffee is next to me, and I think of my few plans of today:
Yoga first, lunch with C in an Indian restaurant, dinner with E. in the Greek restaurant (or Italian).
Between these points I have to do some chores. I will focus on the bathroom today.

An idea must come up, some activity must happen, so that money flows back again. :)
I am still relaxed and enjoy my time.

Thursday, October 22, 2009

Full primary this evening (almost)

First I didn't find the yoga studio. But I didn't give up so quickly. Finally someone knew where it was. Sigh.
I love led classes. Then I do not have to think only to listen. In Gokulom they tought me to listen and not to do my own stuff, means inhaling before indicated i.e. But today I even saw a woman doing handstand while we all should do headstand. Anarchos everywhere.
I love it to meet new people and I love it to meet the well-known faces. A lot of enthusiasm was shared at the end when we had a cup or tea together. What I see is: enthusiasm can surely help, important is to go on and on, also when it's no more so super fucking exciting. The joy comes back, also the enthusiasm, but it does not remain even all the time.

Tomorrow and on Saturday I will practice alone again, as usual. I just considered to practice with the CD by Sharath on Friday. I am alone at home, it could be interesting.
During the weekend we will travel to my parents, to fathers birthday party.
I hope I won't gain weight again, surely delicious cakes will be offered. I am very slim now. I lost 4 pounds lately. I have now 101 pounds, 46 kg. This helps to be flexible and and it helps to fly through the series. Less weight and Ashtanga yoga becomes easier, it is so.

Back bending: This will be the topic for a while. No, it is not boring for me. I practice patience and preseverence.

....ah, and again, again and again....

What is good, cries for repetition.......

To give up resistance

Me to the taxi driver: I do yoga.
He: Then I have an image of you in mind.
Me: Yeah really? What image?
He: You have less blockades than people who don't practice yoga.
Thinking: Is this true?
Me after a while: Probably you are right.
Perhaps this is one of the deeper results, that we yoginis/yogis become more open, show less resistance when we practice on a regular basis. Who knows.
I practiced and I enjoyed it, I felt flexible, open. Input of yesterday made me practice. I wanted to work on my back bending (urdhva dhanurasana especially): I arched back with straigth legs (not stiff), tried to open the hips and the chest. I managed it to drop back while my feet were on the rim of the mat, parallel. When the feet have this position I drop back from a much higher position, but I am also less scared than I used to be a year ago. I trust that my hands will prevent that my head jumps on the floor with full speed.
Pashasana is coming. There is no vinyasa between sides. Interesting.
Usually when one start with second a few poses of the standing series are not practiced anymore when doing second. Prasarita padottanasana D is the last pose and then paschimottanasana.
And this evening led class: Focus will be the vinyasas.

Is it middle of the night?

It's seven a.m. It's a good time to get up. It is also not to early. Nevertheless I have the feeling as if it is in the middle of the night. I am up - this is good.

I must find back to the life here. Time is over that I can still hole up (because it's cold outside or whyever). I'm rather recovered from my bronchitis. Actions must happen.

Step by step.
I still have enough fun: This evening I will go to a led class to the new teacher from Austria. It will take place in a new studio. Oh am I curious.
The mess her didn't disappear during my absence. Something must be done here, too.

David Carse in "perfect, brilliant, stillness" page 287:
"The human object has bitten off more than it can chew, taken on more than it is capable of...........How can an object in the play of Consciousness, with the entirely limited capacity of an object, a dream character, a character in a movie, not be completely over whelmed if it attempts to to take on the role and responsibilities of Subject of the dreamer, of the scriptwriter and producer and director of the movie? The human character convinces itself that it has almost complete freedom and theefore responsibility for its action. It then finds itself nevertheless doing what it is entended to do in the perfect unfolding in the infinite expression of Consciousness, playing its role as it has been scripted. "But I didn't mean to do that!" "I try to be a better person, but I still find myself acting this way." "This didn't happen the way I intended." "I keep doing this. Why con't I learn?"

May I be able to be an instrument of the divine without trying to interfere.
Who can interfere???
Everything is perfect as it is.

Oh the coffee, it must be ready......

Wednesday, October 21, 2009

"For my sweetie"

I came home and I found a box of pralines on the kitchen table. It was from E. "For my sweetie", he had written on the box. Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

I simply must know what's going on in Munich re the Ashtanga scene. A new teacher from Austria arrived and he offers Mysore classes in the morning and led classes, too (full primary). What a luck that I do not yet work. Nevertheless this morning I almost overslept. I'd have missed something, if I hadn't left my cosy home. I got so many inspirations for my practice this morning:

- I got the advise to let my practice become softer with the help of the breath. There is still too much resistance seen. I believe it.
- M draw the attention to what I'd call a bad habit. It's about the vinyasas. I jump through (inhaling). I sit down (exhaling). I stretch (inhaling). I go into the pose (exhaling).
Correct is: To jump through with inhaling and going into the position of the pose still inhaling. Then exhaling and going deeper into the pose. Only that way my practice will match with the given vinyasas.
- Back bending is opening the hips and the chest. I had to keep the feet parallel and hip width apart when I did urdhva dhanurasana. M held me, of course, when I dropped back. When bending the knees the hips close. I will exerscise to have my feet parallel and closer together, legs stretched, when I arch back next time.
- Laghu vajrasana: M put a strap around my legs. When I was down with my head he pushed with his hands against my hips and I should push against his hands with my hips. This was exhausting. It helps to build leg muscles. Important also is to push the hips forward.

I had space, but energy was in the room due to the 7 or 8 people that practiced there. More important than all this was that I had time for all my asanas to practice re my rhythm.

Lunch with a dear friend finished this wonderful morning.

Tuesday, October 20, 2009

Urdhva mukha svanasana - a classic

Urdhva dhanurasana Okt 09

Again a video on urdhva dhanurasna. The last one was in Sept 09, more than 1 month back.

What has changed so far?

I am able now to drop back while my arms are stretched over the head. I started this in Mumbai. I had not enough space in my room to bring the arms via the sides over the head.

First I messure with my fingertips how far I arched back. When the finger tips can touch the calves the back should be arched enough. Then I take my hands in prayer position in front of the chest. Interesting is, that the hands can help to push the chest a bit more downwards. Then I stretch my arms. I am still full in control of the movement. Then I drop back.

When filming the performance is always a bit different. Nevertheless I think I could do the whole process a bit slower. I should give my body time to relax into tho pose.

No attempts were done to come up. Ah. This I should change. I needn't judge when I do not come up. But a tiny attempt, yes, this should be good. Next time.

And I see that I've lost a bit of weight. This helps also. May I remain so slim.

Time for a cup of tea........for me and my ill boyfriend.

Bhekasana - what a progress

No, no, no it 's not the best picture of myself ever. I forget for a moment that I am so vain. Please look at my middle fingers of both hands. They touched the floor the first time without any adjustment. What helped me was studying my pictures. I saw that my elbows were too close together. Today I tried to separate my elbows and to bring my little fingers down to the floor. I was almost shocked when my middle fingers touched the floor. This modification in performance brought me inches. I also had my knees a bit more separated as it is supposed to be. I saw this on videos of my fellow yogis (hahahaha). However, no pose is ever perfect. This was a leap ahead today.
Also when not seen, my hands are on my feet.

Focus the next time: Staying relaxed, also the face can relax.

India - accepting what is

My body feeling here is again different. My skin tends to be dry. I put lotion on it after the shower. I do not sweat anymore, only when I practice yoga intensively.

In India I woke up and my skin was sticky and sweaty. I took a shower, but after a minute or so sweat was running down my body again. It makes no sense to fight against it. To fight against it makes oneself feeling uneasy. It is also not possible. How shall I be able to stop sweating? "Accept it, go with the flow", I used to think. My sweating remembered me of this so often in India. When accepting what is, whatever it is, life becomes so much easier and more beautiful.

Yesterday in the evening I had such a wonderful title for this post in mind. I set my alarm clock for 6 a.m. "The beauty of the early morning hours", I wanted to write. I got up at 8 a.m. and now it is 10 a.m. and this is no more early. Accept what is, I think, that I can get up so late won't last.
Life has so many funny, entertaining moments.......

Time to practice yoga.

Monday, October 19, 2009


.....and because I didn't practice at all today, I will practice the entire first series and second series till laghu vajrasana tomorrow, full vinyasa, of course. This shall not be a This is pure lust to practice. Hahahahaha.

I had a moon day. It was full of reading. I couldn't stop reading David Carses book.
And cooking happened. We had a delicious Indian lentil soup with tomatoes and mango. Spices: garlic, curry and ginger. Ah, it was good.

This could make me practice

I will simply sit down on my black mat till I will become bored..........

When you are sad......

When you are sad, don't ask: why? WHY? WHY ME?
Instead ask: Who is it, who is sad?

I quote from the book "perfect, brilliant, stillness" by David Carse, page 189:
"Suffering and pain raise questions like nothing else does. Inquire into it; investigate it. The "Why?" question gets nowhere; that is only the ego/mind seeking for nonexistent control. It will never be satisfied, and leads only to resentment and more suffering. Instead, investigate into the suffering. Who is it that is suffering? From whose perspective is this unacceptable?
Buddha said, samsara is dhuka. Taking the dream to be real is not what causes suffering; it is the suffering. The only possible solution to the question of evil and suffering is to see through the illusion. Suffering in all its forms is the greatest invitation to awaken, and it is never far away."

Picture is taken in India - Ganeshpuri Ashram.

The own dirt is always cleaner than the dirt of others

My situation here remained the same. It is as it is. Thoughts came up to make some home improvements. The necessary energy is available, too. Smile.
Here an inventory what has to be done:
- The shower curtain needs to be substituted
- Batteries for the scales must be bought.
- I need a new storage tool.
- I need a new toothbrush tumbler.
- The jointing must be cleaned and of course everything else, too.
- Space clearing must be done. What I don't use, must go.......bye-bye.

Picture: Taken in India, close to Ganeshpuri Ashram and the hot sources.

Living in a community???

I loved our little community in Mumbai, consisting of M, the host, 3 guests, the son, and 4 people who helped us with our daily chores (a cook, a washing woman, a cleaning woman, a driver). Sometimes we were 8 people. Often more people were in the house to attend the satsang i.e..

From the first moment on I felt at home: From the first morning on I walked around with my pyjama in the huge flat. Am I shameless perhaps? No, I really think I felt at home. I felt no group pressure. I got up when I woke up or when I wanted to get up. When I wanted to be alone I could close the door of my room, this was usually respected. It was also possible to withdraw in a chair or on the bed and being with myself, but knowing that the others were around me. A feeling of loneliness never came up. In addition conversation happened, or we showed each other our work (pictures, movie, whatever). Or we went out in a group. I got to know new people easily. I had at once a satisfying social life. Of course the conditions were optimal because we had so much help.
When I was a student I had lived already in a community in a large house in Berlin. I didn't feel so comfortable, I felt group pressure. I didn't like to be again in a "family", that I just had left behind me.

I loved to live in this community in Mumbai so much, that I considered if this could became a lifestyle, a way of living for myself and E.

Me: Darling, would you like to live in a community?
He: No.
Me: Why not?
He: Too much anger.
Me: You only don't want that everybody sees that I do 100% of the housework.
He: You are nasty.

(PS: I am in peace with doing the housework and of course when living in a community help from outside is needed also in a Western community. A cleaning woman is obligatory as dirt is always reason for arguments.)

But me too, as long as I am interested in a man, I fear I am not so interested in living in a community 12 months a year. Am I possessive? Probably this too. Perhaps it is simply conditioning. How limiting conditioning is, I just thought. No decision must be made here. As always, everything happens (or not).

Whatever my lifestyle will be, I enjoyed the community in Mumbai. To live in a community can be a way of living. And now I enjoy the togetherness with sleeping E.. He is still sleeping this man........:)

Sunday, October 18, 2009

For those who can't get enough....

It is possible to combine asanas with certain activities. It's great to sit in padmasana i.e. while watching TV. Also reading books and exercising forward bending is very relaxing.
Currently reading: "perfect brilliant stillness" by David Carse
David used to visit Ramesh Balsekars satsangs, his "waking up" happened earlier to these visits in the jungle. Oh. Very interesting everything, the book is a recommendation for those who are interested in such crazy paradox topics like getting enlightened. Surely, this is the question, who can get enlightened, if there is nobody at home, never was?

A wonderful practice happened

I found myself on my mat practicing second series.
Oh, and I sweated, what I love.

Pashasana: This pose comes and goes with the weight. The performance of pashasana was great today. This tells me that I must have lost weight. The battery of my scales are empty, but my yoga trousers are sliding downwards when I walk around in my rooms. I have to adjust them all the time. This is enough proof that I must have lost some weight. It's good for my practice, especially good for the first pose of the second Ashtanga series - pashasana. Only the blanket separated the soles of my feet from the floor. With my head I balanced the body when I rolled back after having hooked the fingers. I had the first time the feeling that it could be possible to catch the wrist one day.

The position of the head is a topic for me now. In many poses the head goes backwards. To gain flexibility here helps to perform various poses. When starting with the surya namaskaras the head goes back already. I deepened this movement today.

Laghu vajrasana: No way to come up. I was quickly frustrated and tried it only once.
Urdhva dhanurasana: I could go deep into the pose and I even enjoyed it. I have control over my body when I drop back. I didn't even try to come up. When I do not try I will never come up, I know this, but my tolerance of frustration had reached its limit when I couldn't move a bit when doing laghu vajrasana.

When I saw E. sleeping in bed, I remembered that me, too, I deserve the 5 min relaxation at the end.

It was a great practice. I will study now the position of the head in Matthew Sweeneys book "Ashtanga yoga as it is". I can't get enough of yoga.......

I am up, it is 7 a.m.

I woke up without alarm clock. I'm still not fully recovered from the bronchitis, but I feel so much better. It's seven o'clock, but it seems as if it is still night. It's very calm here.
I had an exciting evening in front of the TV yesterday. I watched "Absolute power". Mei, this was a movie, I couldn't stop watching even though it went till after midnight. Since months I haven't spent an eveng in front of the TV with open eyes being stunned.

E. just called me. He arrived at the airport. He is ready for the bed after a night in the plane. I will have to show him a lot of pitures, when he wakes up again after having slept. I will have to tell him a lot of stories. Perhaps he likes to invite me to the Italian restaurant round the corner? Could be...........

Time for a coffee. Time to go on with my dream live with open eyes.


The hairy monster is already in my bed and sooooooooo tired. :)

Saturday, October 17, 2009

Looking for a good place to take pictures - janu sirsasana A

My home will never be a good place to take pictures. The light is the problem. I manipulated a lot till something could be seen on the picture. It is as it is. I do the best with the given conditions. Pictures simply help. I will go on taking pictures.

Self-study through pictures - janu sirsasana A

First I took a picture from the front. It looked as if I rounded my back. I had to check it from the side. But it is OK so far. Lately I also corrected the position of the shoulders. They are supposed to be parallel. The leg should be stretched, will take care of this the next time.

But back to the dristhis: My chin is on the shin, but as it is seen on the picture, that way I won't be able to see my toes. When looking up I must take care to keep my front relaxed. Nevertheless also with wrinkles on my front I won't see the toes.
Forward bending can be deeper and the neck can become more flexible. Or is it more that the chest must open more? It seems possible to see the feet when doing the pose. But I still have to go a bit deeper into it. It will take time........
Yeah, the thumb could join with the hand.

Now I know what I can improve. Pictures are really helpful.

Now I am tired again. Bed is waiting for me.