Tuesday, September 08, 2009

Still in Lyon

The book by Ramesh Balsekar "Who cares?" travels with me.
I quote from page 43: "The involvement is the problem, not the arising of the likes and dislikes. The arising of the likes and dislikes is a natural thing - getting involved with them is the problem."
I quote from page 142: The basic point that I'm making is - one, the understanding almost always has to be intellectual in the beginning and two, the understanding goes deeper from personal experience. This means investigating and analyzing your actions and trying to find out whether they are truly your actions as you have been thinking, or whether they have been happenings over which you have had really no control. And as the experience becomes clearer and clearer that no action was really "your" action, that it was absolutely and essentially a happening over which you had no control, then the ego gets weaker and weaker. And as the ego gets weaker and weaker the Understanding-in action makes life simpler. Why simpler, because there is less pride, less guilt, less hate, less envy. Not that these won't happen, but when the involvement happens it will get cut off. Until the understanding is truly there, the involvement and its getting cut off may eventually happen almost simultaneously until even the arising of involvement stops."
The last quote makes me always thinking of the loss of my accounting jobs. Five times in a row my jobs were ended by employers, three times it can be read in this blog. Five times it was not my intention to end them so early. Sometimes I want to scream: But I worked very well. I am also committed, I'm never reported sick. But who will believe me when I tell that I lost my job 5 times in a row. My last nice colleague was convinced of me and how I worked, this is true. But her opinion was without influence. I lost stupid jobs and very demanding jobs. However, it was not my decision, but happenings. This is what I can understand and learn from these situations. And now I am curious what will happen next.........very curious.


Anna said...

Have you ever asked for any feedback from those ex-employers? There must be something useful they could give you in terms of their decisions.

Ursula said...

Hi Anna, of course I know reasons. Sorry, it is past and it would be too long-winding to describe them.

My interpretation: it's a message to me that still something else must be done but doing accounting. Only what, this is the big question. I try to be open.

Anna said...

You and I are in similar places - what to do with our considerable talents. :-) I need an income stream that doesn't involve the 9-5 office.