Tuesday, March 31, 2009

The breath is the guide!!!!

In the hierarchy what is important during a yoga practice the breath is on top, number 1.
The breath initiates every movement. The breath leads me through the practice.
This morning I realized that I am still breathing, inhaling but I am already in upward dog. So the movement to go into upward dog should slow down in order to match with the breath.

Each time when I remembered the breath the asanas improved so far. Inhaling deeply when in urdhva dhanurasana helped me to arch more. Inhaling means lengthening the body, exhaling means dropping back, to let go, folding into a pose. The breath improves the asanas and not the other way round. An asana does not per se improve the breath, but the other way round it is true. Correct breathing helps performing the asanas.

This is the shift. The first question when analyzing the performance of an asana will be: How was the breath? Was it even, was it deep, was inhaling like exhaling, could I hear the sound.
When I breathe correctly I have the feeling as if I listen to the sea. I love this.

I did surya namaskaras this morning with focus on the breath.
I simply have to write my bills today, I am 3 weeks behind. This needs time. So I had to sacrifice the asanas today. And when I go on writing I won't accomplish anything.........
Exercise today: being conscious of the breath off the mat.

(I have problems to open ashtangi.net for some days now. Have others the same issue?)

Monday, March 30, 2009

...and I am happy with that

Suryas, standing sequence, paschimottanasana as the only deep forward bending asana, and a quick closing sequence happened this morning.

When I start with my exercises my fingertips can touch the floor, but soon the flat hand is on the floor. When I feel my flat hand touching the sticky black mat I am happy, I know that my body is stretched already. I practiced half an hour this morning, but the practice was so intensive that I even sweated a bit. It was not my most intensive practice. Important is how much I could enjoy it and I loved it to perform the asanas. How creative these asanas are, I often think.

Sometimes I live as if I have only to do yoga and go to work. There is so much more that needs to be done. I have to write bills, I have to clean, I have to declutter, and so on.
And this I will do now: to write my bills. Then at least this is done.

Sunday, March 29, 2009

Late and flexible.

To practice late is motivating as the body is very flexible. I had a wonderful practice.
I will move from action to let it happen, this shall be my shift. Performing the asanas correctly is more and more secondary, I will move my body with the breath. I will enjoy my practice.

Relax and let it happen, enjoy, don't fight, be entertained. This is a good attitude towards life and towards my yoga practice, too.

Relax and all is coming - my birthday (party)

In the end of April I will turn 50.
What to do on such a day? Expectations were addressed to me.
During the last weeks I always thought when I though about my birthday: Relax and all is coming. And so it is now.
On Saturday like on every Saturday I called my parents. My mother was shopping so I spoke to my father. Topic: my birthday. I learned that he won't be able to drive to Munich due to back pain. This is really the bad message that he has almost chronic pain now. Suddenly I had a good idea.
OK, I told him, when you cannot come I can make the birthday party where you live. There is a castle (a very beautiful, renovated one) we can have lunch (my parents prefer lunch than dinner) there. We both were enthusiastic about this idea. His issue also was that I should invite my brother. I weren't sure if I invite him and his wife as our relationship is no more so good since he has been married. So I promised to invite my brother, too, and I love my brother (he also has the right to be complicated from time to time). I will never forget that he invented stories for me when I couldn't fall asleep when we were children. He told them to me till I slept. We had a common sleeping room when children. We understood each other without saying a word and could laugh a lot together also when older.
So everything seemed to be perfect. A few hours later I called my mother to tell her what I have planned with my father. She recommended me another castle for dinner, the castle that I had in mind is only good for the afternoon coffee and cakes. OK, I accepted. My parents will test the food in the castle, where we probably will have lunch now. I told her to check if vegetarian food is available. My mother also knew whom I should invite and whom not. Me: It is MY birthday party. This said, I regretted to have said this at almost the same moment. Too late. Be generous I said to myself, be generous. Let them organize your birthday party. I am only glad that my mother will go on doing what is best for me. It is more or less also her birthday party.
I am very happy with this birthday party solution.

My birthday so far:
-A day before my birthday I will go to a Mysore class. Wonderful.
-After the yoga class I will have dinner with E., his mother, 3 of my girl-friends, and perhaps E.'s brother. I will be together with people I really love. We know the owner of this Afghan restaurant, we will have best food and wines and best service. Perfect.
-I will be up till midnight, of course. I must meet my online friends all over the world. I will drink champagne (one glass only) when at home again and I will go online.
-The next day, my birthday, I won't go to work, this is for sure. I will do what is important to me nowadays: I will do yoga, pranayama, meditation. I plan to go to the zoo to take some pictures of animals.
-I "fear" that E and his mother and me will go out on the evening of my birthday, too.
-The 1st of May is a day off and then is Saturday and Sunday. I will have 4 days off in a row. Perfect, too.

A week later or so the party in the 2 castles will take place. Castles seem to be the right place for me. My parents will be happy. And when they are happy, I am happy, too. Smile. I also hope very much that some of my friends from Berlin will come, friends who know me for 30 years. To have friendships for so long is simply a great gift. I'd like to have them around me on such a day.

Ha, and I will also have some secret highlights, a woman at fifty also needs a secret to be happy. Redundant to ask what it is, I won't tell.......
I love to life.
Relax and all is coming..........again I experienced this.

Saturday, March 28, 2009

Oh, what a life

My after yoga dinner consisted of hearts of artichoke, a glass of Bordeaux, French baguette, soy margarine and afterwards I had chocolate. Everything so good. What a life.

My yoga practice was like my Indian ring

My yoga practice was like my Indian ring: simply most beautiful with some dirty cracks. It is ice blue this star sapphire and when light falls in a star appears which makes me stone appear more round. On the sides are brown cracks and the silver is no more shining. I simply love this patina, this amazing beauty combined with some dirt, used up parts is simply perfect for me.

I was flexible during my evening practice. Focus was there, the breath was even.

Urdhva dhanurasana: When I tried to drop back from standing position, I first walked my hands along the back side of my legs, but then I took them in front of my chest in prayer position. I even brought my hands to the front. I progress.

I feel good: Do I deserve some chocolate I wonder, and know that I will eat some, deserved or non-deserved.
The evening can start.

Before my yoga practice

Yoga became very acrobatic these days. On my goal list stands: Urdhva dhanurasana and supta kurmasana. This is already less than I had written last year. Last year my goal was being able to do the entire second series. I became modest, mind and body became closer. The goals are superficial. Performing these asanas should be a side effect.

What is this for a goal, to be able to do some advanced practices. The advantage of those goals is that it is easy to measure it: Either I am able to do it or not.

How can joy, lightness, focus, be meassured. Very difficult. Nevertheless, I think to bring lightness to the practice is a good idea. To let it happen, to be curious, accepting what is, might be a good approach, something to remember before practicing. So done, my black mat is waiting for me. The right technique, a daily practice will enable me to do the above mentioned asanas one day. Nothing else is necessary. The way is exciting not only achieving the goal. Each and every minute till I am able to do it is worth living - and fun.......

I wonder if I shall call my parents before or after my yoga practice. I will do it now. They are up early and so it is sure that my yoga practice, the flow the focus won't be interrupted by my telephone.

Friday, March 27, 2009

...at home again, the weekend can begin

It was a satisfying day, without question, not easy but who wants to have an easy life. I work now for 2 departments. And this means I have to ask and to ask and to ask people who are busy. For each little task I need someone else. It needs energy to do bother other people. I was good at it today and so things got done. I am learning, and at 4 I thought time to do something else.

I jumped out of the underground at the main station, I needed a new wok. Yesterday I have ruined mine with spring roles. I asked a sales person for woks. She recommended one. I took it without asking for the price. At the cashier I learned that it cost 98 Euro. OMG I thought. I buy what I want, a habit only those have who have a bit but not much. People with money always look at the prices, poor people have to.
I bought marinated vegetables for dinner, loved it.

So the weekend can begin. It will be reading weekend. I will be alone in my villa motley. I won't go out much, I will enjoy solitude and reading and food and myself and whatever.

Forward bending today

I had a happy practice today, happy because I didn't like to be better than I was. I had focus and was positively surprised what my body was able to do.

Trikonasana is getting better. It is an underestimated pose. To perform trikanasana as it is supposed to be takes usually years.

Sirsasana: I went up with straight legs again. Love this.

Only a few forward bending asanas were sandwiched. It was enough for today.
Tralala weekend is coming. This weekend I will be careful with my body.

Thursday, March 26, 2009

I start loving the early hours of a day

I got up early, a bit before 5 o'clock.
Four days I haven't practiced and I wanted to start moderate again. No injuries, no overstretching on my first practice day, I thought. My back is totally OK again. And so was my practice. It is always uplifting when I am content with my practice however it was. I watched the breath, and it was even and deep. I dig it when this happens. I had time for the standing sequence, urdhva dhanurasana and a quick closing sequence.

And there was a highlight: I went up to sirsasana with straight legs. I felt rather stable.

Work: I am optimistic now that I will stay till the end of April at my job (my contract goes till the end of March next year). Live every day, I tell myself. To fear that my contract will be finished earlier is not reasonable.
Chocolate: It is not necessary to eat chocolate in the morning and in the evening. Nobody needs so much sweets.
Chores: I had time to do some chores in the morning. When I will come home this evening, I will have a clean home. I enjoy this.

Buh, I am again in a hurry..........
Time is limited, so is life.

Wednesday, March 25, 2009

I had to test my body

I was unfortunately a bit too late on my mat. It would have been possible to practice.
So time was limited, but I could do a few cautious surya namaskara A and B. Despite this quick healing of my back it is probably reasonable not to go to a Mysore class this evening. In a group I push myself more than when I practice alone. I can do some gentle stretching alone here this evening, when I feel so. I am glad, that my body is OK again.

Tomorrow I start again with a careful practice.

Tuesday, March 24, 2009

Down to earth again

My body told me this morning that I won't be able to practice on Wednesday. I simply cannot bow forward and this makes a practice impossible. Now I must respect this injury. There is no choice, it is there and it needs attention.

This is an obstacle on the path. I think we face different obstacle, mine are from time to time being impatient, discontent and then pushing myself too much. I will heal and then........

Monday, March 23, 2009

In the forest again

I closed my eyes and I was surrounded by spruces (I had poured a lot of spruce needle oil into the water). My body swam in a lake (my bath tub). I splashed a bit with the water. Ah the sound of the splashing water and the smell of the spruce needles, it was a bit like a rebirth. (Only a bit, I am glad that I do not have to start from the very beginning.) I moved my hips softly to check if there is still pain in my back. Nothing. Ah, I thought and now a forward bending - paschimottanasana, very suitable to do it in a calm lake in a forest. OHhhhhhhh, my back. Aahhhhhhhhm, so much better. No, I won't cancel Mysore class on Wednesday. By then I will be again like a young Godess. (And there is Aspirin, and there is focus, and there is passion and there is whatever.) On Wednesday I am fit. Amen.

Pranayama and meditation

I slept well. This is the good message. The bad message is, my back still hurts. I could scarcely dress this morning. My asana/vinyasa practice was simply not possible. So I sat down on my Indian blanket, folded my legs into lotus pose and bowed forward (humble I was this morning). Very very slowly I could only bow forward. When my front was on the floor I tried to relax and this was possible.
I did pranayama a few rounds. My nose was clogged this morning. So it is sometimes.
Then I meditated and this was good, too.

Pain is simply part of life, this is nothing special. Even little children experience this, they fall when they learn to walk, they hurt themselves. They got a caught and so on.
Pain brings us down to earth, it is a reminder to be attentive, to respect ourselves.

It was a bit as if I had no weekend:
On Saturday I was cleaning and yesterday I was suffering.
In Germany it is still cold. Buhhhhh. I will have to dress warmly.

Sunday, March 22, 2009

Paschimottanasana in the bath tube

Or how to heal:
-Oh, so much healing energy and love was sent to me from so many places of this world, this simply must help. Thank you.
-As I didn't like to rely on love alone (smile, I am a practical type of person), I took a Magnesium. It is good for the muscles.
-And I took an Aspirin in order not to feel so much pain and not to cramp the body due to the pain.
-Last but not least I took this very hot bath with spruce needles oil. I had the feeling as if I was bathing in a forest. My body was loose and I bowed forward with straight back. I bended my knees slowly. And finally I was in paschimottanasana and relaxed. Pain disappeared. I renounced to take a cold shower afterwards. Body is sweating now, but loose. I am sure I will sleep well tonight. I must be present tomorrow again. No pain shall distract me from what is to do tomorrow.
- And finally a bit self-pity helped me, too. Poor me, I thought during the day.

And it is right, I will be able to do pranayama and meditation. That's great, too.

Pain in the lower left back

I curse. How could this happen!!!
In the middle of the night, it was about 2 a.m. I woke up and could scarcely turn myself to the side. The lower left back hurt awfully. What's that, I wondered. At 5 a.m. I got up. I could scarcely walk, to bow forward is almost not possible. What went wrong? I must have done something that was too much yesterday!!!!! Then I remembered. I did an extra asana after supta kurmasana. To deepen this pose, I put the legs behind the head, one after the other. But not enough. To have an even deeper stretch and hip opening, I rolled back. And this was simply too much. And now I curse and I am angry with myself because I was so unreasonable.

I will be alone at home for the next 10 days and I probably won't be able to practice. This is the hell for me.
I will shower and I will put Alpa on my back. I hope this will help. I hope I will heal quickly.

I got reminded of a lesson I should already know: it is simply not possible to force anything. A daily practice is the secret, respecting the body. Step by step progress will come. How can I be so brutal to myself.

Saturday, March 21, 2009

An excellent practice

I slept till I was well-rested. Then I got up and my morning movie started.
My yoga practice was great today.
The breath accompanied me till the end, it was deep and even.
The asanas were great: I could hold the wrist in all the marichyasanas. The fingers hooked when I did supta kurmasana. A trick is to hook the fingers as high as possible at the back. This makes a difference. I went up into sirsasana with straight legs. Almost no breaks were done. Instead I did full vinyasas, means I got back to samasthiti after the poses. To stretch upwards between all these forward bending feels really good.

And at the end I added some rounds of pranayama and 10 min meditation.

I feel great and today I have again a marathon cleaning day. This is necessary, too.

Friday, March 20, 2009

Pictures of a day in my life

In the morning I was in a tram and watched the people: do they have really chosen to be how they are right now. I couldn't imagine. They were born somewhere, the parents, the place everything was not chosen. Everything was more or less out of control. But now they think exactly where they are they have decided to be. Nonsense. Of course this is all easier to understand when looking at other people than oneself.

In the evening E. returned from England. He couldn't make a decision in what restaurant to go. As usual. So I made a decision: the most expensive Indian restaurant round the corner was my choice. And I got best food. E. knows that he was "punished" because of his indecision, but he doesn't care either. Table neighbours needed a chair from our table. One man said something in English that I didn't understand. I said: Could you please repeat what you just said, perhaps I understand it the second time. But he didn't repeat it. So I asked E., and he understood. His English is much better than mine. The man had said that I should change the seat with this other woman. This was more than insolent towards this other woman. It should be possible to make a compliment without injuring someone else. I didn't look at this guy anymore. So good that I know what focus is.
During dinner I learned that E. had bought me 2 book presents. It was no yoga book, no book on health and no non-fiction. I was curious, and I was astonished when I got the books. I liked them. He knows me perhaps a bit better than I think: The books are "America unchained" by Dave Gorman and "Brilliant start-up" by Caspian Woods. I think I must do the last jump, I must start something new professionally. Everything tells me this. Let's see. I am still breathing, I have still energy. Life remains interesting. Perhaps the idea with the pearls wasn't that bad. Seriously. To sell pearls could be fun.

I overslept

I slept so damned good and in the morning I switched off the alarm clock - unconsciously. I woke up at 6, looked at my clock and saw the disaster. So what, I thought, I feel good.

I remembered a dialogue with a yogini last Wednesday: She asked if I took a day off from yoga from time to time. I answered that this came always naturally. The body simply takes a day off when it is time. Obviously today was such a time. I slept like a Godness, I woke up naturally, I am relaxed and well-rested.

And perhaps my body is ready for a late Friday practice.
We have a book here with the title: Half time (by Bob Buford). And with almost 50 half of my life IS over. I flipped through it lately. Life is not yet over when the first half is over, I learn. See, see.

Thursday, March 19, 2009

The gap between body and mind

They needn't to be bloody new to Ashtanga yoga - these newcomers, but it is obvious that they change the atmosphere in a small yoga class and I wondered why. Newcomers usually need a lot of attention, they have questions and want one adjustment after the other. They want to be good, but obviously the body is still not ready to perform advanced asanas. I think the gap between mind and body is larger with a yogi beginner than it is with those Ashtangis who practice longer. The success finally is to bring the mind and the body together.

The body is usually a bit more lazy, the mind is usually very lively, everything seems to be possible for the mind. To bring the both together is the goal and success. With time the body gets more flexible and the mind more realistic and then unity is created. This means less conflict, contentment. The conflict in the beginning is: I want and I cannot. The contentment later is: I am able to do more and I want less.

Always a little new challenge

Headstand: Yesterday B. made me go up into headstand with straight legs. I thought I wouldn't be able to do it, but I could balance and went up with straight legs. This morning I tried it again and I was a bit wobbling, but I could do it. This is now my new challenge re headstand: to go up with straight legs.

My body was not so flexible anymore, but flexible enough so that I could enjoy the practice. Today was my back bending day. I sandwiched urdhva dhanurasana.

I stopped on time, so that I could do pranayama and meditation: I sense: these techniques will help me to make it through my life in a more relaxed way.

My delish breakfast consisting of a banana, soy yogurt, a few nuts and raisins was finally enjoyed. It gives me the energy for the first hours. I am ready now for a job that seems to be the opposite from the last one: It is a bit (very) boring so far.

Ready, delish, go.......

Wednesday, March 18, 2009

Back from Mysore class

B. makes poses out of my body. She simply sculptures a bekasana or a supta kurmasana. My body was soft and flexible. All poses were good this evening. And I loved it to be with my fellow yogis and yoginis. Two new birds showed up this evening. This changes always the atmosphere in the room. Let's see if they will come again.

I loved all poses today. I had a wonderful practice, in other words.
Time to go to bed, this is the secret for a good practice in the morning.

That's why I like to blog

This morning I practiced because I wanted to write about yoga and not about all the other happenings in life.

Always respect the sequence, I remembered. My pranayama teacher told me this in India.
I started with a few suryas, did a few rounds of pranayama and then I meditated for 10 min. This was not much, but it was something. Psychologically it is important for me to practice EVERY morning.

Especially the meditation was important for me. Just to sit and to bring the mind each time it is wandering back to the here and now, is simply great. Only this moment exists.
It is bright day now at 7 a.m. Spring is coming. And then summer.

Mysore class this evening will be my highlight. I am looking so forward to it.

Tuesday, March 17, 2009

I buried the idea

of retiring on my way home from downtown. I am convinced that work is something nice, generally spoken. Why stop something that is so nice. I intend to go on as long as possible. How?????? That's a good question.

Hahaha, me and the companies

Yesterday I lost the card of the company I am working for, the card that allows me to enter the company. Today I cannot get in anymore. This has never happened before in my life, that I've lost such an "important" key. This made me laugh the whole morning. Shall this be a hidden message, I wonder. No, I don't do any further interpretations. I've lost this key, this may happen. Hahaha.

I did a few suryas this morning. I simply got up a bit too late, and I wanted to write my journal today. Time was limited. This is an important message every morning. Time is limited.

Today it seems to become a sunny day here. I already enjoyed two cups of black coffee and my healthy breakfast (banana and soy yogurt, a few nuts and raisins).

Awareness shall be my coach today.
(Can one loose a key, when aware, I just wonder?)

Monday, March 16, 2009

Perhaps I should sell pearls

Pearls, just pearls. Seems to be a good idea. I will think about it.

And everything comes as it has to come

My job a spiritual exercise:

I had to provoke this face to face conversation. I was even ask to do it. And today it happened: 1 hour I listened to shit like this: For us it is more important to have someone who is competent than to have someone who is friendly. (I am competent and friendly for those who do not know.) One hour I listened to stuff like that. It was an exercise in listening. In such situation it is surprisingly easy for me to listen. I become the listener. What I wrote so far leads to a wrong trace. I was not at all touched nor angry, or anything. I only observed that everything came as it has to come. I had to provoke this conversation, I had no choice either. And the boss had to justify the decisions to have hired someone without having enough work. I need the money, that's for sure, but work can give spiritual insides, too. It can be an additional motivation not to avoid the work life. The game has started already. I am curious how it will end. However it will end, it will be fine for me. I am in the meantime even curious how I will act in this new given situation.

On my way home I stopped at one of these luxury grocery stores. I bought marinated red pepper, artichokes with the stem, Greece roles, a small bottle of Shiraz, best bread. I could have spend the evening in a good restaurant so expensive were these goodies. I have a good life. My mind is relaxed. And I have still 2 hours for myself. Yepeeeehhhhhhh.

Yes, yes, of course....

I was on my mat this morning again and I practiced primary series. This morning the body was no more so flexible like the days before. Nevertheless I could reach the wrists in marichyasana c. There was not enough time for all the poses. I started the finishing poses when it was time. I would call it a satisfying practice: breath was deep, flow was experienced, I felt my edges, sweated a bit. What else can I wish.

I had no time anymore to meditate 10 min, but I did 4 rounds of pranayama. Then I sat down in silence for a while. Lotus pose is such a perfect pose. Just to sit, this is such a perfect idea.

Shall I already think of the job. I don't want. I also believe that I will be able to react to the given moment in a reasonable way. It is not necessary to prepare every possible situation. My goal is to stay at that company for 13 months. This should be doable. I am curious.

Awareness is the key to a wonderful intensive life. That's what I will do - living with awareness.

Sunday, March 15, 2009

A late practice today

The advantage when practicing late really is, that the body is more flexible than early in the morning. I had a very good practice today. The body seemed to have changed a bit. I feel less resistance. Going till the edges and a bit further is less painful.

It is done. I am glad. My practice is the center of my life. All the other things circle around it like the moon around the sun.

And I have still time to do pranayama and meditation. Great.

Saturday, March 14, 2009

I leaped ahead

It felt so this morning. My body was transparent, willing, soft, just perfect. It's worth to go through all these painful practices. It is also worth to do a bit of a practice, it is so much better than to do nothing. And today I got the fruits. My body simply practiced without showing resistance.

But now my body wants to eat. Hunger is felt. It is best weather outside and so I will fetch some bread, bananas. I shall see.

Friday, March 13, 2009


The company get-together was really great yesterday. The tapas bar where we met was excellent. I got enough (too much) delicious vegetarian food, the people were nice, the red wine, too. And at the end of the dinner I couldn't resist to eat that mousse au chocolate, which was excellent, too. Nevertheless I got nervous when it was far after 10. If I had a life where I hadn't to be at the job at a certain time, I wouldn't mind. But it is not so. And in that case my yoga practice in the morning is more important for me than to hang out till midnight. I was one of the first (and I didn't care if this was polite or not), who disappeared with as less fuss as possible. To be faster at home and faster under the shower and faster in bed, I took a taxi to get home.

This morning I got up at 5. I did a few suryas and I enjoyed them. I was on my mat and practiced a bit of focus, a bit of flow, a bit of strength, a bit of flexibility.

And besides this, sometimes simply everything comes together, and simply everything is not good. Grghh.

It's cold and rainy outside. I will leave the company earlier than usual. It is Friday. And then again, I will have time for myself. How wonderful.

Thursday, March 12, 2009

An instrument of the Divine

Of course I could also write that I felt flexible today, which is right. But I felt even transparent. The body was not the hindrance, but the tool. I had a lovely practice with flow. I sandwiched urdhva dhanurasana, Thursday is my back bending day.

I also meditated today. Mind was travelling a lot. Usually I bring the consciousness back to the here and now rather fast and then the travelling game starts afresh. That's how the mind is working, that's it's nature. Somehow it took me a long time today till I remembered the technique to get back to the here and now each time my mind was somewhere else but on my colorful Indian blanket. But finally I remembered, and I came back from my long long journeys.

It will be a long day. Today we have company party at a Tapas Bar. It is not a duty for me, but fun.

Wednesday, March 11, 2009

Mysore class

B. makes poses out of me, this is so nice. She makes bekasana out of me i.e. and when she does this my finger tips touch the floor.

The body was very soft today. This was a very good feeling. Each yoga practice is different. I can do the same thing a billion times and it remains exciting for me.

Time is over. Tomorrow I want to be awake for my morning self-practice.

Dawdling, sigh

Today I feel mercy with myself, because this evening I will go to the Mysore class. I dawdled this morning. My minimum practice consists now of suryas. I don't count them. I alter surya namaskara A and surya namaskara B, at taste. I think then: I do what I want, ha. Then, when time is almost over, I sit in lotus pose and look out of the window. I bow forward, front lies on my carpet, arms show backwards and I enjoy this relaxing pose, these few wonderful moments with myself. Nice to be alive.

My body feels transparent lately. I think the practices show results.

Looking forward to this evening. I also like to meet my fellow yoginis.

Tuesday, March 10, 2009

I was supposed to be a good girl

And so I was, a good girl. Oh, and I still am.

Fact is I didn't like this hairdo. I wanted to have my long blond hair open, so that it could fall into my face. I also wanted to wear my red pair of trousers, because I liked to play cops and robbers. In addition my father wanted me to smile. Geeeeeez. Bad day.

But today I have a good day. I feel lively. The victory is mine, I'm going to work on my favourite pose now, urdhva dhanurasana.

A long way down

Full of energy I jumped out of my bed this morning, turned on the radio, how I do it every morning when I am alone at home.
Back bending today, yes, yes, back bending, down, hopp, done, that's what I do today. Hahahah.
My body was transparent today, that was great. Really. To feel now resistance is wonderful. I did some warm ups (suryas, ushtrasana) and then I arched back from standing position: A long way down, this book title came into my mind. Too long. Tomorrow again, no this evening, perhaps, I shall see what the time will allow me.

My lower back was felt after several attempts to drop back, so I thought it was better to practice some more other asanas that have nothing to do with back bending. Forward bending was relaxing. It was more a free style practice.

I feel full of energy and this is good. I also need it.

Just checked what my Ashtangi friends on Ashtangi.net are doing: Are we all busy with the pose urdhva dhanurasana? Everywhere I see back bendings. A lovely community, we are learning together, I like this.

Monday, March 09, 2009

One shall be careful..

.. with the own wishes. It can happen that they become true. This morning I stepped on the scales and I had exactly the weight I always want to have - not a gram too much, not a gram less. On Saturday evening I had only olives, red ones, green ones and black ones for dinner. Yesterday I simply forgot to eat. I felt not hungry at all.

Oh, this is a yoga blog. I did a few suryas, then I sat down on the floor without using my blanket. I wanted to have it as simple as possible. I looked out of the window. And then I did my favourite pose. It is sitting in lotus pose, posing the front on the floor, the arms show backwards. It is a thankful relaxing pose. It is nice to be on earth. White is the earth today again.

Awareness shall be my coach.

Sunday, March 08, 2009

So cold it is still here

It is cold here, to sit in the "Palmengarten Cafe" was cosy. We laughed about our colleagues - mine who are complaining during lunch time and A's who always pretend to know the latest news (she works as a journalist). She is such a nice person. And now I am caughing, it was a bit cold outside.

Attempts to drop back from standing pose

Also not convinced, nor amused. This pose I do after I pressed myself up from lying position into that awful (of course I mean most beautiful) pose, called urdhva dhanurasana. Two further years from now on, and I will do it. Yes, then it will happen.

Urdhva dhanurasana

There was so much written about this pose already, that I thought to upload a picture wouldn't be such a bad idea. I am not convinced, not even amused. So is it with urdhva dhanurasana.

Sunday morning yoga practice

And it was a surprisingly good practice. I had music in the background, the radio was on. It helped me to stay focused. No breakthrough happened, this I didn't expect, but it was a lovely practice.

The stirred up dust is coming down, the air becomes clear again. Focus is always important. Focus on how I will earn money after the 13 months in the company. It shall be something where I have a lot of time for myself, where I earn a lot of money and it shall be something international, that allows me a lot of travelling. It can also be a bit better, I am open. Bah, why not dream a bit. I will work on this soon, from April on, step by step, it shall be fun. Now I am glad that my current job does not exhaust me so much, but is a bit boring.

The following sentences shall lead me through my day

In the morning remember it is a new day, a new beginning. Have a decision deep in your heart that "Today I am not going to waste this opportunity. Enough is enough! Today I am going to be aware, today I am going to be alert, today I am going to devote as much energy as possible to the single cause, the cause of meditation. I will meditate in all my acts. I will do all the activities, the usual day-to-day activities, but with a new quality: I will bring the quality of awareness to them."

Again something by Osho.

Awareness and everything is double beautiful.

I feared it

My practice yesterday was very intensive and today I my hamstrings are slightly overstretched. This won't stop me to practice today, in addition they are only slightly overstretched. Some things simply need time to develop.

Saturday, March 07, 2009

My practice - feature length

It was a feature length practice. I started at about 3 in the afternoon and now it is 8. I made a lot of breaks. I had enough energy to go deep into each and every asana due to the breaks. One asana after the other was appreciated. And then came urdhva dhanurasana. I could arch back very far today. My hands could reach the beginning of the calves. I had not the courage to drop back. Fear, naked fear was felt and so I did the closing sequence. I loved my practice and the asanas even though they were a bit isolated due to my breaks.

Dirt under the carpet: The problem with dirt under the carpet is that it might be hidden but it is there. Every carpet has pores through which the dirt comes on the surface. And sometimes the carpet must be lifted and then all the dirt can be seen and no more overlooked. Even when the carpet is put back as quick as possible, the dirt is already flying around. Breathing becomes difficult, seeing things clearly also.

But why worrying, everything happens, everything comes as it has to come.

This mornig I drank my first cup of coffee in bed

It should be a holiday Saturday for me. I woke up at seven without my alarm clock. I moved the curtain to be able to look outside. Something between snow and rain came down and the world looked grey. I liked it. I felt cosy in my bed and the contrast made my bed even cosier. Jolly I got out of the bed, prepared a cup of coffee for myself and went back to bed, posing the cup of coffee on the window sill.
In bed I wanted to read the main article on "digital connections" in one of the leading papers in Germany "Der Spiegel". Worldwide 175 million members are counted on facebook, in the meantime 2 millions are Germans. Mainly the youth is examined, they find "full time intimate communities" there.
The profiles of the members are precious. Goods can be sold. I always wonder why this is judged as something bad. When a company finds out that I do yoga and they offer me a yoga mat, I am glad. It is me who decides if I buy it or not, I am not a helpless buyer, who can be manipulated to buy anything. There will be always victims and people who cannot handle any life situation.
In general it is observed in the article that people become shameless when they are online. What is shame, ähhh? :)

It is time for breakfast, dinner planning, shopping, calling parents, writing emails, ironing, yoga.
Must reflect on the right order.

Friday, March 06, 2009

Leaves of grass

.....and suddenly the book title "Leaves of grass" by Walt Whitman tells me something.

Only to be alive is the gift already

To be on earth, to be alive is the gift. Whatever is.

Alone at home

I enjoy it to be alone at home (bf is still in Finland). I turn on the radio when I wake up and then my morning movie starts.
This morning Robbie Williams sang for me, while I greeted the sun. First sun greetings were stiff. I held the poses and soon my body was flexible again. I am glad that I did all the standing poses and paschimottanasana. Urdhva dhanurasana I sent to hell this morning. I didn't even like to think of this pose.

I think my weakest point is that I am so easily distracted, I need too many breaks during my practice. The good thing is that I always get back, that I do not give up so fast. I return to the mat all the time and this since more than 5 or 6 years. Yoga accompanies me since I was nineteen, but hardcore yoga, speak Ashtanga yoga only since 6 years now.

On Friday we usually stop working earlier. Love it. Time is as precious as money.
Must dress, must hurry, must plan my weekend.

Thursday, March 05, 2009


At one of the main stations the underground in which I was sitting stopped and had to wait for a time. I looked ouside and saw all the people dressed in black, dark blue, grey, dark green. I saw a red scarf and then again dark colors, dark. So triste.

I remembered India with all these flashing colors: red, green, yellow, light blue, gold, orange.......

I wanted to feel good.......

.....and so I found the way to the mat.
Bruce Springsteen was singing in the background while I moved my body.....ahhh. I practiced again this morning.

The variety of situations, feelings is it what I appreciate in life. Why not appreciate it also re the yoga practice. To be happy all the time is boring (hahaha), to have only good practices is boring, too (hahaha). The yoga practice is beside the asanas also a practice in being content (to be in peace) whatever happens. At least it is a better attitude than to worry about the always happening change. I thinks so. But how was the practice this morning? It was good today, I was focused and the body was rather bendy. Only when I did urdhva dhanurasana it became hard and I thought: Who wants to torture me???

....and I feel good now. I know that I have a day before me where I will sit on a chair, sit on a chair, sit on a chair, walk to the cantine, walk back to the office, sit on a chair, sit on a chair looking at a screen. Not much movement will happen.

And what shall I do this evening??????
To move a bit would be great!!!!!!!

Wednesday, March 04, 2009

I had my weekly dose Ashtanga yoga

Mysore class this evening brought me back on the track.
Redundant to say that I feel great now.
Before the class started I sat in the staircase on the cold wooden stairs and waited till B. and the other yogis would arrive. I felt exhausted after a most boring day.
As soon as I was on the mat I woke up and practiced one asana after the other till bekasana of the second series. With the help of B. the finger tips could reach the floor today. Pashasana really improved. Urdhva dhanurasana also, but I still need time in order to drop back alone.........It will happen, one day.

The shower refreshed me. So good.
And tomorrow at 6 I will be on my mat - back bending is on the schedule.

Life unfolds with incredible speed

Soon I will see again what is seen on the picture above. People are going to work and I will be one of them, my way is only a bit more on the right side. Outside of Munich is still snow, but it is melting.

When tired it is best to make the inhaling longer than the exhaling, isn't it? Now I am not tired, the coffee always helps to wake up, but this afternoon, I will have difficulties to keep the eyes open. I always forget to get to bed.

Yoga will happen this evening. I had no time this morning. I am curious who will come. The Mysore class is the highlight of the week. tralali, tralali.

I want to be disciplined, much more than I am now. Perhaps this is a bad idea, because the wish to be perfect is behind it. So back to: I let it happen. Let's see what it will be.........

Tuesday, March 03, 2009

The tree # 3 - March 09

Three cups of black coffee this morning. But this is the only coffee that I drink during the day. At the job I drink water, cold water.
Bravely I did my suryas. I wanted to go on, but time was over. Buh. I hate this. New resolution must be made.
I wanted to go to the French club this evening, but I should do yoga. I shall see, perhaps the weather will make a decision for me. If it will rain, I will likely stay at home.
Picture: I almost forgot it: the tree. Once a month I wanted to take a picture of the tree on the way to my work. Yesterday it was raining, the tree shows it. March is still a cold month and rainy.

Monday, March 02, 2009


It's late already. Finally I had a long long shower after a rather boring working day.
I ate olives for dinner and an Italian cake.
It's raining here, so I stayed at home.
Must go to bed now. Damned at 6 I want to be on my mat. :)

Not yet speedy enough

In the morning I am especially proned to dawdle a bit. Bf is already in the north of Germany pampered by his mother, I am alone at home, so I turned on the radio this morning. At 6:20 I was on my mat. I managed it to do all the standing poses and paschimottanasana. Then I did urdhva dhanurasana only to have it done. It was difficult to do it, but the result was probably much better than 1 year ago.

As so often, as soon as I've started with my practice I regretted why I haven't found the way earlier to the mat. What I did within the remaining 30 min was intensive and I even sweated.
But tomorrow I will be on time on my mat. I swear it.

Time flies. We have March already, it's still a winter month but from time to time one can smell the spring already.
I am in a hurry now...........

Sunday, March 01, 2009

Seems to be a good day

I accomplish what is on my list. Some actions seem to be so difficult, but they aren't. Only the beginning is difficult. The way from thinking to doing is short today, must go on with my activities.

Back to myself

Better to write it down than to forget it.
On my list are a few urgent actions:
Writing bills.
Buying a book gift for my amazon buyer, who never got the bought book.

When in doubt, throw it out

We were successful, translates E. was able to let go of many of his old clothes. We were focused on discarding all that old stuff, nobody wants to dress anymore. But this is also not true, as E.'s mother knows someone who needs everything. Now it makes sense to clean the wardrobe. Me, too, I don't like to clean garbage. We did good work. And now he is on his way to the north of Germany. And I am still busy with chores. There is still a lot to do.

I wobbled, I was stiff, I practiced

I feel good.
My lifestyle (too much good food an wine) influenced my practice. But so is life.
I practiced that is what counts. Of course it was frustrating to realize that I wobbled when doing the standing poses. It was also frustrating to see that I couldn't walk the hands to the feet when I did urdhva dhanurasana. Bravely I arched back from standing position - three times.
But I also knew (and this was not at all frustrating) that it was great that I had the energy to do all these demanding poses. Oh, I feel good now.

Psychologically it is very good to practice daily, at least for me. My daily yoga practice is done.
There are still a lot of tasks on my to do list.