Saturday, February 28, 2009

Buh, am I glad

Soon I will have a clean home again, am I glad.

When everything will be done I will go to the cafe round the corner and I will pick up E..
When Ms B. arrived, he said to Ms. B. today looking at me: She throws me out of the home.
Ms B.: You to stay, you to stay.
He again, looking at me seriously: She throws me out.
(I don't like it to have a man here lying on the bed, pretending to be busy with his emails, while 2 women are around him cleaning the home.)

My Polish friend knows it: Women always making: blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, women catastrophe. Men also catastrophe. Men lazy, big catastrophe.

She knows how life is: catastrophe. Blah, blah blah.

I love her, and I am lazy and too much blah blah blah. Catastrophe.

The influence of food and beverages is underestimated

My practice was comme ci comme ca this morning. Not all asanas of the primary series were done. The body was not that flexible. I observe my body now for a rather long time and today I blamed the food and beverage intake for my average practice. It's more the ouzo and retsina than the food, but also the food. The 2 pounds that I had lost I gained again. Food is a topic again. I know my perfect weight. And what do I do now: new resolutions. I will cook today. Wines I can drink when I'll be in France or California (Sonoma Valley), but not here where most restaurants offer rather bad wines.

But I also finished my practice early because I got nervous. At 11 o'clock I've an appointment at the hairdresser to get my eyelashes dyed. I also have to buy cleaning stuff. Today I get help to get my rooms cleaned, but before I have still a lot to do. Bf wants to discard his old T-shirts, but to get him going is really a task.

Friday, February 27, 2009

Oh, I've not yet written an evening post

We just came home from the Greece restaurant. It was probably again too much food, but I don't want to write about this.

Sometimes the mind is empty. Simply empty.
Best is to go to bed early. This is a basic action to have a good practice in the morning.

Do I remember a poem? Not even this.
So good night. Bed is waiting. Tomorrow is cleaning marathon. This is absolutely necessary.

Oh, already 7:15

It was nice to be in my kitchen this morning. Yesterday in the evening I picked myself up and cleaned all the dishes. This morning I found a clean kitchen. Very good.

Suryas today again, not more. Can I blame the Friday for this. I just do it. Friday - you awful day, you spoilt my practice. But this Friday is also a good day for me. When Friday is over I have worked 1 month. Then only 13 month are before me and with each and every month that is behind me it becomes more and more unlikely that my contract will be finished before time. I always fear that companies lay me off. I experienced it too often.

After the suryas I sat in lotus pose on my Indian blanket and looked out of the window. These calm moments I enjoy very much. I did not even intend to meditate, I just sat there and thought how nice it is to be alive, to be here on earth.

This evening E. and I will go out. On Sunday he will go on a business trip which will last more than 11 days. So this is our last dinner together for a while. A ritual that I like.

Time to dress.

Thursday, February 26, 2009

I am a self-confessed Ashtanga Anarcho (AA)

Life is simply too good to waste it to live according to rules other stupid people came up with.
Awareness is everything. Nothing else is needed. Ahhhh.

AA - please don't confuse it with Anonymous Alcoholics.
It stands now for Anarcho Ashtangis.

The shoulders always go down and backwards

When I practice in the morning it is still dark and the window serves me as a mirror. This is helpful from time to time. Today I saw how important it is to pull the shoulders always down, away from the ears and backwards no matter if I bow forward or backward.

I am back. I practiced in the morning about 45 min. Within this time frame it was possible to do all the standing poses. The middle part was dedicated to urdhva dhanurasana. OMG was I stiff today. I pushed myself up three times and three times I arched back. This is what counts.

Great was my pranayama practice afterwards. I think it's better to do less asanas to have time for pranayama. 10 min meditation followed - finished. Oh no, of course not finished. What else is meditation, but an awareness exercise and this can go on off the mat, too. To be aware that's my intention for the day. Just to be curious what happens around me and with me is enough to have an exciting day.

Wednesday, February 25, 2009

Back on the track

Loved my practice this evening.
First I thought it would become an exercise in flexibility. So many people wanted to come that I was asked to practice in the changing room. For a fracture of a second I thought: no, that's not my place. But fact is I practice always at the same place. A change is always good. Soon I loved the idea to practice somewhere else, I was open and it happened that I could practice in the yoga room, because some people didn't come. On my right side I had a female energy, on my left side a male energy.

Pashasana becomes better. This is really a surprise.
Urdhva dhanursana becomes better, too.

This Mysore class brings me always back on track. I am looking forward to my morning practice.

We yogis and yoginis, we have our bodies

Many sports activities use a tool: skis, a bicycle, perhaps even a car, a batter, a ball, a skateboard or what ever.

We yogis and yoginis, we have our bodies (and a mat).
We must care for our bodies as this is the instrument we work with. Good food, enough water will keep the body healthy. Well-groomed hands and feet make the body most beautiful. Lotion for the skin to protect it from drying out makes the skin smooth. A relaxed face, an upright body reminds us of treating us well.
We have knowledge about our anatomy, what to do when injured and sick.
We give ourselves enough sleep, so that we are relaxed.

And I will pamper my body with a sauna on Thursday. It's very good for the body and the mind.
What do you do for your perfect body?

...and perhaps everything is perfect as always

These smoldering and finally open conflicts at work gave me the energy this morning to complete my time-sheet. I must get it signed and then I can bill 4 weeks. Sometimes money issues are more important than yoga. I don't know why I postponed this little activity so long. Sometimes the way from thinking to doing is a long-winded road. Actions (even small ones) give satisfaction. I feel good. I know that this can change every second. Also other feelings are welcomed, they only show me that I am alive and that I have a rich life.

This evening I will go to a Mysore class, so it is not such a tragedy that I missed my holy morning practice this morning.

Tuesday, February 24, 2009

Amazing how fast feelings can change

They can go from indifference to I am fed up with everything to how beautiful is my life to deep desperation and sadness to lick my ass to simply enjoying the breath to feeling alone to feeling adventurous to let life happen, I am here to ah, the pastas with capers are delicious to and the Chianti, too, to why always these repetitions and back to indifference ........

And this in only a few hours.

The hot water on my naked body will distract me from stupid life, it will take me to simple body pleassures. More is not necessary to feel fully alive and best.

Where is the Blues? I need the Blues!

All is OK

So far my work was not such exciting, but a bit boring.
But today open hostility from a colleague was felt. "Do not touch this file", she said unfriendly, "it has been already a mess last year." Complaining a hierachy up followed. Nothing was said to me, so why feeling bothered.
Today 2 colleagues got a "Krapfen" (this is the cake people eat here at carnival) from the boss. I saw the colleagues coming out of her office with them, it was difficult to hide. I wasn't offered one. A Krapfen costs 1,50. It is affordable. I'm fat enough and I can buy as many "Krapfen" as I want, it was simply very bad style, not to give me one, too.

I am cool, I observe: I feel: so far I strolled, now the way is going a bit upwards. My breath is still deep and calm. I like montains to climb. Let's see what will come next, I know this was the beginning.
The love affair is over, now it is a duty. I even think that it is a much better attitude to the work.

After work I bought 2 Krapfen, one for me, one for E. It is one of his favourite cakes. He invited me for dinner. I want to have spaghetti with olives, tomatoes and capres. A Chianti will fit perfectly.

On my way home I thought of the story of Osho. Someone threw a shoe at him while he spoke publicly. Later this man regretted this and apolozized. Osho didn't accept the excuses, because he was not injured.

I do not even know anymore why I wrote about my job. Perhaps because we have to wait till the Italian restaurant opens. I remember my colleague from the other firm. When we walked to the cantine he used to say: "Ms W stop talking about the job."
So I won't bother E. with boring office stories (only my dear readers). The chocolate fair in Paris could be a good topic, or the book fair in Leipig. Or yoga.........hahahah.

..and what happened this morning?

A few suryas. Nothing else. That's not totally true. After the suryas I sat down in lotus pose (left leg first, because it is Tuesday) and stared out of the balcony door which is made of glass. I could see that it is wet outside and that my neighbour was almost ready to leave the home.

It is as it is. What can I do? Nothing.

Today is Tuesday and carnival or "Fasching" how they call it in Munich. Whatever day may be today, I want to get my things done. Always this resistance to do little tasks.

Perhaps I can practice this evening and perhaps I can write my bills this evening. I have hope. Hope dies last. Hahaha. One day it will happen. :) I am amused.

(...and only one spelling mistake: it's carnival and not carneval)

Monday, February 23, 2009

David Allen in my handbag

Robert Allen commuted with me this morning. I read in his book "Ready for anything".
Alone the contents brought me to an absolute high:
Worry is a waste
You are not your work
It's easier to move when you're in motion
The biggest successes come from the most failures and so on.

Ohhhh, the book is great. Only reading the first pages gave me the feeling as if everything I want can be done. A solution for having always too much to do was seen this morning while sitting in the train. Things can be done. Also for me. With the right methods. Ohhhhhh.

I am full of energy.
And now I wait for E., who spontaneously invited me for dinner. This evening it will be Italian.

I greeted the sun (even though she was not shining)

With great intensity I greeted the sun, means I did a few surya namaskaras. Of course now I regret that I didn't jump earlier on my mat. I liked to go on once I was standing on my mat and when the suryas were done. But then it was too late already. I should be glad. It wasn't sure, if I would do anything on the mat. It was writing time this morning.

I was frustrated this morning, that I didn't manage it to write my bills yesterday. I've had the entire weekend, but I haven't written two simple bills. I have to do it this evening.
But my Indian inspired meal was good and the kitchen is clean, too. At least this.

Soon I will be ready again to play my role as an employee. I work as a freelancer, but the differences are only marginal. I hope that my mind will be busy with real tasks. I have enough from all these mind movies. Back to the here and now. Past is over and future does not exist yet. This is a very important insight. :)

Sunday, February 22, 2009

Weekend is over

OK, I cooked something. I like my own meals.
My yoga practice was good, too.
Laundry is done.
But not enough is done. Always not enough and I am soooo lazy.


This is the picture I was looking for. Ha, I found it today in my chaos home.
A house never looses anything.

First was the wish to read, then to write

This morning I wondered when I wanted to write the first time. It must have been between 8 and 10. I was treated so unfairly. It was always me who was insulted and not my brother who was so much worse than me. And in addition he always got more lemonade. This injustice I wanted to write on a piece of paper. For the rest of my life I wanted to remember it. I even had a plan. I wanted to write everything on a piece of paper that I would fold and hide on a safe place. Unfortunately I had no idea where to hide it, I feared my mother would find everything. Nothing was written because privacy was not guaranteed.

I think injustice is a great motivation for many authors.
Nowadays I like to write publicly because I want to entertain. Or is "to entertain" only another word for "to please"?
Since I'm writing (blogging and journaling) I do not bother friends anymore with long phone calls with only 1 topic: myself and my life. This means, I write because I want to avoid talking too much.
But mainly I write for myself. I want to stay motivated with my yoga practice. I would write also if nobody read my ramblings.

I bend, I blog, I b.......(the last verb starting with a missing.)

I practiced

A practice is always better than not to do anything at all. This morning I got up early to practice before breakfast. My intention was to focus on the breath. This time my attention was directed to the gap between inhaling and exhaling. This little breathing break is also a break in thinking. It helped me to separate clearly the exhaling from the inhaling.

Sunday is my back bending day. The highlight is urdhva dhanurasana. Mentally I am again fearful. Nevertheless I managed it to drop back when I was on my knees. This exercise shall make my self-confidence stronger . And one day it just will happen. Then I will be surprised by myself. Then I will drop back from standing position.

Pranayama was great.
Restless was my meditation. Too many stories were in my mind - a film festival took place in my mind.

A joke on a British lady by my friend Osho

Osho, please tell a British lady a British lady joke for those of us learning to laugh at ourselves!

Diane Ramsey,
Half way through her world cruise the English lady attended the ship's ball, became slightly intoxicated by champagne and ended up sleeping with a good-looking Italian steward. But the very next day when the steward approached her on the quarter-deck, the English lady cut him dead.
"Hey, contessa mia," said the steward,"donna you remember the good times we had last-a night?"
The English lady looked up briefly from her game of bridge. "In the circles in which I move, young man," she said crisply,"sleeping with someone does not constitute an introduction!"

Saturday, February 21, 2009

"How is everybody?"

Yeah, this was California flair that I had this evening. I attended a back bending workshop with Todd Tesen from LA, California. He is a tall man with a lot of muscles. He must have been a weight lifter in his former life, I thought. So many strong muscles. Really.

He said the first words in a for me rather strong US accent and I knew at once - this is not an intellectual. He is a light-hearted man who brings a lot of fun. So it was.

Suddenly this healthy man stood behind me while I was doing downward facing dog. I do not know what he did, of course it was an adjustment, a new one for me. My hands lifted up from the floor. I felt like a feather. OMG, such a strong man, I thought, he can lift me up so easily.

Todd is a comedian: He showed us how people usually do hanumanasana (split pose) and how wrong the hip position usually is. He pretended to be a sort of ballet dancer, while showing the pose to us. It really made me laugh. Then he did it the correct way. Afterwards he bound together his long hair.

It was a show. I liked it to see, how he went on his knees when he came out of urdhva dhanurasana.

My urdhva dhanurasana was great, I could hold the pose rather long and felt really light. The room was hot and my body was rather flexible in the evening. We didn't try to drop back from standing position. The whole workshop was rather demanding for me. I didn't look much around so I do not know what the others did.

Did I learn something new? I think more and more I see the importance of the hips. The hips are the center.

And how nice: I met 2 yoga friends.

And after this Californian workshop, I enjoy my Italian red wine. So it is. This is fun, too.

The difficult asanas I didn't omit

I practiced this morning. First series was on the schedule. It was a joy to practice, nevertheless I didn't perform all asanas, but the difficult ones, like mari c (could hold the wrist), supta kurmasana (finger hooked and big toes touched each other) and of course urdhva dhanurasana. This should be enough for the morning, I thought.
This evening is my back bending workshop with this Anasura teacher from LA. He has an Ashtanga background.

I have 3 hours to do all grocery shopping, laundry, cleaning. Also my weekends are full of activities. I want to cook something, but I do not know what it will be.

Friday, February 20, 2009

Time to feed my unconsciousness

Tomorrow I have time for a long long practice. I want to get up early, before I start feeling hungry, because it is best to practice before breakfast. I want to do full vinyasas. Forward bending.

I am still too superficial: Important is the breath, the breath and again the breath. This will be my focus tomorrow. The breath. What else. The breath keeps us alive. It is our indicator how we feel. With the right breathing we can influence our mind, our thinking.
Time to go to bed. I can' t wait till it is tomorrow.

It's Friday evening now - a story

When I was 16 I had my first boyfriend.
He lived in the neighbourhood and saw me one day when I mowed the lawn of our garden. (My father regretted later that he made me mow the lawn. Are all fathers jealous?) My bf in spe greeted me and we started talking to each other. And the next day we met again and talked to each other and soon we were friends and he became my bf. Our love was great. Every day after school we met and enjoyed the time together.
I had to be at home for dinner every day. In our family it was the holy custom to eat together at exactly 6 o'clock (I cannot remember an exception). After dinner we watched TV together. This was the evening ritual. I wanted to go to my room as soon as possible. I expected my bf. When it was dark he came to our house again. We wanted to spend another hour together. He threw little stones at my window, to let me know when he was back. I opened the window and we could be together for a while. I don't know how I managed it to finish school, but I finished it. I was always tired in the morning. My room was in the first floor (US 2nd floor). I looked down to him how he was standing in the garden and he looked up to me looking out of the window.
He: I love you.
Me: I love you, too.
After a while.
Me: Do you still love me?
He: Yes, I love you.

Me: How much do you love me?
He: Very much.
Me: Is this true?
He: Yes, this is true.
Me: I love you, too. Very much.

There was not much variation in our conversation. Years later I promised myself never ever to ask a man anymore if he loved me. I couldn't keep this promise. Sometimes I cannot trust my own ears, sometimes it just slips out of my mouth and then I hear myself saying:
Do you like me? :)


My bf usually goes to bed much later than me. In the morning when I wake up I find this huge male sleeping animal next to me. This male monster likes me I think and I throw the warm blanket over his body, in case he is uncovered. I usually cannot resist to pat his ass a bit. This doesn't make him wake up. He has a good and deep sleep, my bf. My night is over then. When I arrive at my "yoga room" I discover that he has left his books on mathematics on my yoga place. I remove them and think, so it is when you live with a man.
I did a few wonderful surya namaskaras this morning. My inner voice seemed to sleep. I didn't hear someone saying: But you could have done more. Only a few suryas, what's that. Why do you get up that early? With such a sloppy practice you won't progress, you will get stiffer again.
No, no such voice was there this morning. The suryas were great and I enjoyed doing them.
It's cold outside. The world is white. Today it is not sunny. I hope that I can go home early today. When I work I have money and no time for myself, when I do not work I have time, but I do not make money. Both is precious and necessary to have a good life.
There is no day where I do not think to travel to India again.
But the next highlight will be my back bending workshop on Saturday evening. What a life.
Time to dress.

Thursday, February 19, 2009

Commuting time

I feared that it would be so.
Every day is something else why the trains are late. Sometimes the employees strike, sometimes it is the weather and sometimes someone jumped in front of a train. Most of the times the trains are on time, sigh. Often enough they are not on time and then the trains and platforms are cramped with people who all want to be transported. Sometimes it takes one hour till I am at home.

Tomorrow is Friday. I will probably stay at work till the afternoon, then all the work should be done. It's time to work on my own stuff then. Tomorrow I will plan the weekend, not now. I must take care that I don't feel overwhelmed too early.


No, you are not forgotten, my dear dog.
When I think what we do with animals I could vomit right now.
This was our last day together before my parents gave this most beautiful dog to a farmer who kept Basko as a guard dog.

I quote Mr Balsekar

Sometimes I must quote him, because he is so good: Mr Balsekar.

I quote from the book "The one in the mirror" by Ramesh S. Balsekar, page 45:
"Ego must remain:
Many Masters have clearly stated that the ego is the enemy and must be destroyed before awakening can take place. I have always had difficulty with that statement. How would the sage live the rest of his life as a separate entity without the identification with a particular name and form? The answer, of course, is that it is the sense of doership in the ego that has to go."

Thank you Mr. B.. That is it. This can be understood rather fast. Till it sinks in with all the consequences is something else. To remove the brainwashing of decades is not that easy. But this is it. No path is necessary, no meditation marathons, no 6th Ashtanga series, only the understanding that life happens. We are an instrument through which life happens (according to cosmic law), there is no doer of any action.

Yoga is not only asanas

Me too, when I talk about yoga, I think about asanas. Immediatly I think about putting my leg behind the head, about dropping back. But yoga is also pranayama and meditation.

I don't want to miss it anymore, pranayama and meditation. So at exactly 6:45 my asana practice must find an end. Only six rounds of alternate nostril breathing are enough. The difference can be felt. I wake up, my body gets energized.
Then I meditated 10 min. My creative mind was active inventing lovely stories today. But a story is nothing else but a story. Entertaining, but reality is always better. Back to the mat, get back to the mat, enjoy the breath and a calm mind, I thought.

My asana practice was great today. Mentally I was light-hearted. It's my practice, whatever happens is great, I thought. Urdhva dhanurasana was hard, but I did it.

Am I a yogini, I wondered this morning. Yoga means to control the body (asanas), yoga means to control the breath (pranayama), yoga means to control the mind (meditation). Do I want to control my whole life? No, I even think that this is not possible.
I guess I am more prone towards other philosophies. Awareness is everything I think and not control. So, I am not a yogini, but practicing yoga.
I am curious what life will bring to me, I don't think anymore that I have any influence on it.
Life happens, yoga happens, blogging happens, working happens, .....

Wednesday, February 18, 2009

The details - the feet

The sole of the foot is supposed to be parallel to the wall in most forward bending asanas like mari a and b or janu sirsasana. This makes a pose more difficult. I didn't expect anything else. This evening my attention was at my breath and at my feet (after being told that my feet drop to the sides).

I really like full vinyasas, but I can only do this when I practice alone. I practiced till bhekasana today, I had to be fast, because my 2 other yoga colleagues did not practice full first series. I am not perfect, my practice is not perfect either, but why complain that stones are hard.

It is so cold here. During the first 30 min I had cold feet during the Mysore class. But finally they were warm. I graved for stretching my body after a day of sitting on a chair.
I even enjoyed doing urdhva dhanurasana this evening. I need someone who holds me when I want to drop back. To get adjusted once a week is not enough. A daily adjustment would be the solution. This will happen in the next life, or in India again. It's true, I loved it to drop back (with the help of B.)

This evening I did something nice. But now I am done. In the next 20 min I have to be in bed. Tomorrow is back bending day. I want to be up on time.
I had so nice posts in mind, this all has to wait till the weekend.
My days are dominated by work and yoga.

It was good for me

Before I started my asana practice I read about pranayama and the importance of it. Only to be aware of the breath makes the inhaling and exhaling already longer. This is true, easily to test. A deeper breath shall prolong life and it makes the mind quite. At least last statement is true.

I practiced only suryas A and B today. I didn't count them, they made my body soft, woke it up.
As preparation for my Mysore class this evening, I did 5 min ujjay breathing (Will I be able to spell this word correctly one day?).
Then I meditated for 10 min.
I remembered my pranayama teacher in India: Always respect the correct sequence. It is not so important how much is done, but the correct sequence is important.
This knowledge allows me to create my own practice. It allows me to adopt my yoga practice (asanas, pranayama and meditation) to my busy life.

With awareness I ate my sunflower bread with margarine and apricot jam today. I enjoyed every bite. I like sweet taste, that's for sure.

Intensity and awareness counts, not quantity.

Tuesday, February 17, 2009

From Osho

Osho, can you give me a new Zen koan to meditate on because for all the old ones I can find the answers in the Zen scriptures?

Okay, just the other day a young German took sannyas. He was a man of deep feelings, a man of heart. He was sobbing with joy. I asked him, "How long are you going to stay?"
He said: "Osho, forever."
I said to him, "When you come next time, stay a little longer."
Now, Nartan, meditate over it. This is a Zen koan! And you will not find the answer in any scriptures; even I don't know the answer!

From the book: "So lost and so at home" by Osho, page158.

The evenings

The evenings are little break downs. I was grocery shopping after work, which was necessary. The shower is necessary, too. I am not unhappy, no not at all, but I'd like to do something prolific, something I'd like to write about. Not much happens when I return home from work. Eight hours of work seem to be enough for me. With commuting time I am on the road about 10 hours. 3 hours I need in the morning for my mental well-being. Left are 3 hours in the evening. And during these precious 3 hours, perhaps 2 hours, I am dawdling, loafing, hanging around, staring holes in the air.

Tomorrow I will go to a Mysore class after work.

Knowledge that helps

In 90 % the beginning is more difficult than that what follows. It was not my bendiest day today, but crucial was the beginning. I managed it to start and so I was also able to go on. I don't know how I managed it, but I even pushed myself up into urdhva dhanurasana. I could stretch my arms.

Exactly at 6:45 I stop my asana practice, because I want to have time for pranayama and meditation.
The feeling when it's all over is great. With straight back I sit here and I feel strong for the day.

Picture: It's taken this weekend in Madrid, Spain.

Monday, February 16, 2009

Experienced beginner

That's how I feel, like an experienced beginner. I think this is something. One thing is for sure, also today I will go to bed early. I want to give myself an opportunity for a great Ashtanga practice in the morning. It is more likely to happen when I have enough sleep.

I just returned from an Italian restaurant. E. had invited me. It's difficult now to write about the weekend in Spain. I only remember that I had the best olives ever. It was spring time there, the sun was shining, here it is snowing. My pictures are not that good. I bought some postcards. It's too late to upload them. It's bedtime.

I'm looking forward to my practice tomorrow.

It was soooo cold

I was so cold this morning, even though I turned on the heater as soon as I was up. But the rooms needed more time to become warm. Even the suryas did not make me warm. That was what I did this morning - a few suryas, my pranayama exercise and I meditated. I am so amazed what thoughts came up. I observed them and let them go.

I sit here shivering. Shall I drink the third cup of coffee I wonder. It's so awfully cold here. Outside is snow and yesterday I sat in the sun.

Perhaps I will have time to write about my weekend trip this evening. What I see is that another working week has already started and I am captivated by the daily life again.

What a gift this morning

I woke up without alarm clock at 10 to 5. This is what habits can do. I set the alarm clock for 6, but now I've more time for yoga. Oh, I had a wonderful practice in Madrid. The hotel room was large enough and allowed me to move freely. But no place is so good like the place at home.

Picture: Madrid, Spain.

Sunday, February 15, 2009

From winter to spring and back

I am back in Munich, back in winter time. It was so sunny in Madrid, spring time already.
I had to upload at least one picture from sunny Spain. Bed time now, I have to get up early tomorrow. It's yoga time in the morning. At least a few suryas must happen.

Friday, February 13, 2009

The Spirit...

...wants me to be lazy........oh mei.
I pack my suitcase.
I listen to music and surf the net.

Let me finish with a quote from the book: "The one in the mirror" by Ramesh S. Balsekar, page 6.
"When the sense of personal doership is thus removed from the ego, what remains is only the identification with a name and form, a totally harmless ego, a mere instrument through which life happens. It is the sense of doership that causes the meaningful separation and, when that is destroyed, no real separation exists.
The freedim that is sought is really not freedom from the ego, but freedom for the ego from the sense of personal doership."

These are key sentences, that really helped to deepen my understanding what's going on.

Made a test.......

What writer are you?

The entertaining and friendly type. They are especially attuned to pleasure and beauty and like to fill their surroundings with soft fabrics, bright colors and sweet smells. They live in the present moment and don´t like to plan ahead - they are always in risk of exhausting themselves. They enjoy work that makes them able to help other people in a concrete and visible way. They tend to avoid conflicts and rarely initiate confrontation - qualities that can make it hard for them in management positions.

This show what parts of the brain that were dominant during writing.
The map was not copied. I summarize it: feeling, feeling, feeling.
Somehow true. :)

For those who are interested in the test, go to Karen's blog (donutszenmom).

Thursday, February 12, 2009

First relaxation

It was a day of work, I had something to do, a good day. Fulfilled? A bit, I was less bored than the other days.

So much is still to do. I wanted to write my bills. But I sit here, and I want to do nothing.
This is a good closing sentence: I want to do nothing. Smile.

Lazy, so lazy

Lazy or tired?
Or both?
I was out with S. after the Mysore class yesterday evening. Even though I took a taxi to get home after our dinner in the Vietnam restaurant, I was a bit late at home and even later in bed. I need 7 or 8 hours of sleep. To go out with beauty S. is always very nice. Non, je ne regrette rien.

B. is so right. I've lost the breath during the vinyasas since I want to jump through so badly. This interrupts the flow. That's why I go to Mysore classes. This feedback is so necessary. The breath is the most important thing, that's what we learn from B.. I can only agree. And we learn not to take it all too seriously, it is supposed to be fun. Who else in the world teaches this? So we can be really very lucky to have B. here in Munich.
I was stiff yesterday. My urdhva dhanurasana is better than months ago. Nevertheless I think I am again a bit further away from dropping back. I try to remember how optimistic I've already been.

Now I need my third cup of black coffee. ahhh.

(I enrolled to a back bending class on one of the next Sundays.)

Wednesday, February 11, 2009

Like a sweet snack

I did a few lovely sun salutations this morning, a few alternate nostril breaths and I sat quietly for 5 min. It was far below what I usually do, far below my capacities. It was as if I only tasted a bit of these sweet spiritual practices. I feel good, because I am not a bit disappointed because I did so less. My practice was perfect as it was.

And this evening I will go to a Mysore class, then I can fight again - fight with myself. And I will love the dynamic of my practice.

Tuesday, February 10, 2009

Purpose of Life

"The purpose of life is to watch life happening. I can watch life happening only if I am anchored in peace and harmony from moment to moment. I can be anchored in peace only when I am not uncomfortable either with myself or with others. I am not uncomfortable only when I do not hate anyone, either myself or the 'other'. I do not hate anyone only when I am able to accept totally that "events happen, deeds are done, but there never has been an individual doer of any deed."

I quoted from he book "The one in the mirror" by Ramesh S. Balsekar, page 3.

Shower now.


What I did this morning had deepness. I was focused, which was great for an easily distracted person like me. I did the suryas, the standing sequence, urdhva dhanurasana, and the closing sequence. Urdhva dhanurasana was very weak, but I don't judge, I observe the ups and downs. This pose is still very volatile. Important it the breath and the focus.

I had time to do pranayama: I have the feeling as if my lung capacity is larger than a few years ago. Pranayama seems to have a greater influence on my mind than the asana practice. It really makes me calm.

I also meditated 10 min at the end.
I am ready for the day. The breath will be with me, all the time. How nice.

Monday, February 09, 2009

Some further thoughts after my workshop

After workshops which are different to my usual Ashtanga practice I often feel creative towards my own practice. Why not doing just a few asanas, relaxing yoga in the evening, instead a whole Ashanga practice, I wonder. So many things are possible. That written, I feel that I want to stretch a bit before jumping into the bed.

A long way is behind me, a long way is in front of me

After a night where I woke up so often, I got up at 5 a.m.
Whatever happens I am glad. I was on my mat. There was time only for 1 forward bending asana in the middle part: Paschimottanasana. I was not sore as expected, my body felt great. During the standing poses I was wobbling. No wonder, it was so early.

When it was time to do pranayama and meditation, I stopped doing asanas. I don't want to miss pranayama and meditation anymore. There was time only for 6 rounds of alternate nostril breathing. Even those few rounds make a difference.

Workshops are nice, they motivate me. More important is a daily practice. And this I had this morning.

Sunday, February 08, 2009

I have still some questions re yoga.

This post is for Lars, the dancer, with the many many questions.

1. Why do people start yoga?
Why did I start with yoga when I was 19? I moved from a town to the "big city" Berlin at that age. I wanted to do something exotic. Yoga was exotic at that time. What fascinated me in the first yoga hour was the relaxation. Not to sleep and being not fully awake at the time was a new experience.
Nowadays I want that my body stays exciting as long as possible. Yoga forms the body in a most beautiful way. This is a main motivation. But there are other reasons, too. I like to learn to focus, i.e.. I know it feels great when I did it.
Some say through yoga one can get to know oneself. This question is so interesting, that I need to write about it in an extra post.

I think it is important to answer this question for yourself. Why do you want to do yoga? When times come where it is difficult to practice you can remember why you do it. It will help you to stay motivated.

I suppose that many people start yoga because they have too much stress and they want to relax. Why not. I think it is also possible to relax when doing other sports. But why not relax when doing yoga. Yoga has the reputation that it is relaxing. In my opinion they do not know Ashtanga yoga. Ashtanga yoga is relaxing, but only afterwards. To move in general is positive for the body.

To be continued.......

Like a withered lettuce leaf

I feel like a withered lettuce leaf. The hip opening workshop was interesting, inspiring. My ambitious "I" went deep into the asanas (too deep). I fear I will be overstretched tomorrow.

I schlepped myself home, done, and E. is never too tired to tell me that I look beautifully.

Now follows meditation. No, I won't sit on my blanket. I will cook, vegetabels in coconut sauce with Thai spices and rice. This is meditation, too. Bf is ill again, he is caughing. He needs to be pampered a bit.

Asanas, pranayama, meditation - the right order

I asked my pranayama teacher in India what the right order is: He is a man with 30 years experience of yoga, he even studies the original texts: the right order is asanas, pranayama and then meditation.

My own experience: When I started with meditation I did it before the asana practice. My body was still stiff when I sat in lotus pose. During meditation I was distracted with pain in the legs. Nevertheless I was very happy that I had started with this practice - somehow.
After my Indian trip I did pranayama and meditation after the asanas. First I didn't like it that my body was so sweaty after the practice. I combined meditation, with clean white clothes and not with wet clothes. I decided to take a shower after practice and then I returned to the mat, washed and with new clothes on. I experienced this as an interruption.
Nowadays I don't care anymore if I am sweaty or not. After savasana (5 min), which is my last pose of the Ashtanga series, I put my yoga mat aside and fetch my Indian blanket to sit on it. I don't like to sit on the plastic mat. Am I like a princess on a pea? Probably yes. But yoga makes us sensitive towards ourselves and our surroundings. I put on a white jacket so that I do not feel cold in our cold climate here. This order feels great. First comes the more rough work, asanas. Breathing is already a bit more subtle. Meditation is the most calm exercise. I think it makes sense.
The old master are right: The correct order is asanas, pranayama and then meditation.

Make your own discoveries.

This post was for Flo.

Sunday morning - looking forward to a workshop

It's Sunday morning and I hope that I haven't eaten too much for breakfast. In 2 hours I will be at the workshop "The joy of open hips". We will be led to put 2 legs behind the head.

The workshop was announced with the words:
Cool music, yoga philosophy and hot asana practice!
I expect an exciting and funny afternoon.

My own practice consisted of a few suryas this morning. I focused on the correct use of the bandhas. It was great.

Saturday, February 07, 2009

Tagged twice

I was tagged twice on facebook to write a list of 25 (!) random things of myself. This is work, I wanted to do it. Of course I feel honored to be asked to mention so many random things about myself. My time is limited. And so I thought perhaps I tell you one thing that will satisfy all the curiousity.

I have only one picture on my walls in my flat and it is the picture that you see above.
Please don't be too quick with interpretations.

And I have a mirror hanging on the wall, like a picture.
Please don't be too quick with interpretations. :)

What is important when practicing Ashtanga yoga? Firstly the breath, secondly the breath, thirdly the breath

I focused on my breath today again. Inhaling should be equally long as exhaling. I also wanted to match the breathing with the movements. And I wanted to do not more breaths as thought: This means forward jumping and inhaling, doing the pose and exhaling. Usually I take more breaths to go into the pose. I had to hold the breath for a while till I was in the pose today.

I did full vinyasas today. I love it to hang forward between all these demanding poses.
It was possible to reach my wrists when I did the marichyasana c and d. In the middle of the practice my strength was fading. Then I usually think: Go on how sloppy your poses might be.
Supta kurmasana is a pose I want to improve, too. I did additional exercises like putting one leg behind the head and then the other leg. This seems to be helpful.

I feel like a bloody beginner.

Also back bending was difficult, but I did it. First I put the strap around my legs and pushed myself up. Then I did the back bending from standing pose. I was frustrated, that I am again far away from dropping back. I try to remember how optimistic I already was. Important is to open the upper back. Important is to do it. Important is to be patient and to try it again and again and again.

It's done. I am in a hurry again, today is cleaning day. I will be involved in these activities, too. Mainly, I could add.

Friday, February 06, 2009

3 cups of black coffee, daydreaming and suryas

More did not happen today. Drinking black coffee, daydreaming and doing suryas. The suryas were great that's why I regret that not more happened. I could have had a most intensive practice. My mind walked away from the here and now. And now I justify it: you, too need a day off once a week. Time is limited in the morning. A missed opportunity is missed. And tomorrow there is another opportunity. Probably.

It's Friday: And I am looking forward to the weekend.

Picture: In 2 hours I will walk along this way, it's the way to my job.

Thursday, February 05, 2009

At home

It was a cold and sunny morning this morning. Now it is already late and cold and no more sunny. I am at home, that's great. I don't know what will happen this evening. All plans and resolutions disappear as soon as I am at home. Then I relax, I switch on the radio and read my beautiful comments, my emails and I enjoy that I have friends all over the world.

I am glad that I earn money again. I want to survive there for 14 months, that's the minimum goal. (My days are a bit boring, but we won't talk about this). When I can learn something new (US-Gaap) it would be even better.

Picture: It is the view when I get out of the S-Bahn.

It is done

I felt that I had an excellent practice yesterday in the evening. The body was a tiny bit sore. Thursday is my back bending day. So I arched back. It was not very intensive. As long as I do it I am happy. All the standing poses were done and urdhva dhanurasana, that's great.

Pranayama: Pranayama opens my lungs, it is as if this exercise opens me for life. I also like to hold the breath for a while. Then it is as if life stops for a while.

Meditation: It is coincidence which thoughts come up. Only once (damned) I couldn't resist and had to scratch my front.

Still some insights from yesterday's Mysore class: The details are important. It is important to keep the soles of the feet parallel to the wall. Toes are supposed to be relaxed. Little adjustments can change a pose. It looks also better to keep the feet as if standing.

I am ready for the day. :)

Wednesday, February 04, 2009

Group practice this evening (hahaha)

... and at the end when we have chanted the closing sequence, B. usually wishes us a nice evening. I think: This was my nice evening.
Mysore class this evening was excellent. I have experienced flow again and urdhva dhanurasana becomes better. I am no more so afraid of arching back and I think that my body is more open. Of course B. held me.

Only twenty minutes till I have to close my eyes.
Yes, I joined the 5 am club again. Let's celebrate our morning party.

Full of energy again

This is a yoga blog so: I did a few surya namaskaras this morning. The first surya namaskara was stiff, the last was great. Quickly my body is able to stretch, to be flexible. Only to start is not that easy, but very soon these vinyasas and asanas are pure joy.

Then my bf got up (so early) and sometimes it is more important to talk with the bf than to twist and arch backward.

Quickly I did some chores in the morning. And now I am looking forward to the Mysore class this evening.

Tuesday, February 03, 2009

I remember, exactly so was it.

Exactly so was it before my "great break" of 7 months. I used to get up at 5, full of energy. I thought I could keep this level of energy till the evening. This was rarely the case. And it is not the case now, too. It was a boring day today, but this is depleting, too.
I should take a shower as soon as I am at home. The water refreshes me and perhaps I am then a bit more prolific in the evening.

Early to bed, early up, that's my new lifestyle. :)

I make myself a gift every morning

The first hours of the day are for me. During these hours I care for myself. It is pure self-love. I care for my soul and I care for my body. I write, I bend forward and backward, I breathe, I sit and I am conscious. A healthy breakfast and blogging finish my morning date with myself.

Tuesday is my back bending day. After the suryas I went straight to urdhva dhanurasana. I did different variations without any expectations. In the morning the body is still a bit stiffer than in the evening.

After my closing sequence I did pranayama (alternate nostril breathing) how I have learned it in India. The 10 min meditation afterwards were great, too. I like the simplicity of these exercises. A human body is enough and great joy can be experienced.

Today I have to leave the house a bit earlier. I have to walk to the station. There is a strike today, there is no underground. I will have to walk 20 min. I will make a meditation out of it, consciously I will walk and enjoy the cold air. It has minus degrees here. Brrrrrrrrrrrrrr.

Monday, February 02, 2009

The tree Feb 2009

Not much has changed since last week.
So is winter time. Not much is changing. Till spring time it's still some time.

Today I thought that it will likely become 2010 till I will travel to India, Mumbai.

I showered, it's time to clean the kitchen now. And then it is probably already bed time. I must really use the time in the morning. No dreaming with open eyes. Promised.

Only a few suryas today and paschimottanasana

I did a few suryas today and it felt excellent. I had time for paschimottanasana and a quick closing sequence. That was it. I've lost the feeling for time. I wrote in my journal a bit longer and then time was quickly too short for a long yoga practice.

I also wanted to do pranayama (alternate nostril breathing) and meditation. I did it and it was excellent, too. This takes 15 min.

Three cups of coffee were necessary today to bring me into the here and now. I was craving for something sweet. I had a German bread with jam for breakfast.

A new working week has started.

Sunday, February 01, 2009

I practiced a second time

I rolled out my mat for a few further back bending. I started with a few suryas, but then I went straight to urdhva dhanurasana. One day it will happen I think, I will be optimistic and courageous and then bäng, I will drop back and my hands will hold me. A quick closing sequence was the end of my late second practice.

And such beautiful things happen, too

I had sold a book via amazon. The client never got the book. I know that I've sent it. I offered that in case that the book wouldn't arrive I'd pay back the expenses. The client wrote me today that the book didn't arrive, but that I can keep the money. We speak about 8 Euro. Nevertheless, this is such a friendly gesture. I wrote her that I want to make her a book present and she should wrote me what would please her. She could give me a bad mark at amazon.

Such stories make me feel good. Really. Friendliness is contagious.

I made the same mistake twice in my life

It's the first time that I need something that I've probably decluttered. Or have I misplaced it? Fact is I cannot find the accounting software, I only kept the updates. Now I have a new PC and I cannot install the updates because the software demands for the original version.
I remember that I made the same mistake years ago. That means I have to do other activities than my accounting. Oh, not that I have nothing to do.......

It is only 11 o'clock...

...and I have finished my morning practice. Focus was urdhva dhanurasana again. Between standing sequence and closing sequence I tried to arch back as far as possible. It was hard today, but I did it.
- Firstly I lifted my body up from lying position, it was very hard. I had a strap around my legs.
- Then I stood up and arched back, hand in prayer pose in front of my chest.
- Then I arched back and walked my hands along the backside of my legs. I could only reach the hollow of the knee and not my calves.
- Then I went on my knees (in humbleness). I dropped back, hands reached the floor and not the head. :) This exercise is good, it helps me to loose fear. It gives me the feeling that I can do it.

No variation was really good. There is obviously always up and down. I should try these poses this evening again.

Afterwards I did pranayama and I meditated a few minutes.

Bf was preparing breakfast while I meditated. I am amazed, but he is able to do it. I joined him, when the coffee was ready. He wanted to teach me the binomial series:
(a+b)² =a² + b² +2ab. He wants to teach me the second binomial series, too. And most interesting is supposed to be the third one. (Please let him forget to teach me the other two binomial series.)

January is over and my life gets in shape. So far I was able to practice on an almost daily basis. I focus on urdhva dhanurasana and supta kurmasana and both asanas improve. Last but not least: yes. I found a job, which brings money. This was also a goal. I start thinking about my next Indian trip. The new year started rather speedy. The 1st of January everything was open, after only one month I am already again in a corset. A friend gave me the hint: First focus on your job and after a few months you can think about your further plans again. That way I won't feel overwhelmed too quickly. How else can I make money is the question. From May on (after my birthday) I will think about this question again. Till then I want to settle in. The new job is a great change.

Yepeee, I am up

It's easier to get up almost at the same time than to go up one day at 5, the other day at 10, then again at 5. I went to bed at a reasonable time and I found the way out of this comfortable place. Great. I will do my yoga practice before breakfast. Today is back bending on my schedule - urdhva dhanurasana. Despite the intensive back bending yesterday, my back feels good. Back bending seems to be good for the body, even though sometimes I think it is extreme.

Schedule of the day:
Journaling, yoga, breakfast
Preparing my tax declaration
Writing my bill

Enough, enough.