Sunday, October 26, 2008

To meditate is like going to a retreat

To meditate was important for me this morning. It was already late when I got up. Much too late for all the activities that I had planned. But I wanted to do 5 min pranayama and 10 min meditation. Within 10 min I encounter my challenges like restlessness, the urge to move, but 10 min are not too long and I can withstand to look at my watch and I can withstand to scratch.
To think "restlessness, restlessness, restlessness" helps not to look at the watch. To think "feeling, feeling, feeling" when I feel that water in the ear is tickling me helps not to scratch. To think "feeling, feeling, feeling" when my leg starts hurting, because I sit in lotus pose with left leg first helps me not to move, but to remain motionless. And sooner or later something else comes up that distracts me from observing my breath only. But I can get back to my breathing and my little mantra "I am".
10 min are not so long, I have challenges, but I can stand it so the feeling of failing does not come up.
Many thoughts came up today (thinking, thinking, thinking). I draw my attention back to the breath, that is changing during 10 min. Sometimes it is deeper, sometimes not. I only observe it, I do not manipulate it.
It was good to sit this morning.
I'd prefer to do yoga now, but on the other hand E.'s mother is not here so often. Sometimes social obligation are more important. And it is also fun for me to be with them, with E. and his mother and to go to the close mountains here.
I could have got up earlier. Why did I not get up earlier? Who knows.

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