Friday, January 18, 2008

Transparent body, very sore throat

I can scarcely speak, voice disappeared (but I can still write. :)).

I didn't feel my lotus pose in meditation practice today. That's wonderful, because then I really can concentrate on the mental task. The right seat is important, I think. To hang on the sofa isn't the right meditation position. The 15 min were over rather quick today.

I practiced, respecting my body. I'm ill, I faced it. But I can go to work, too. A moderate practice can be good, I thought. The practice turned out to be a wonderful one.
Forward bends. That's what I needed today. To bend forward as a sign that there is also thankfulness felt for everything I get.
The body was transparent, no resistance was felt, so I could go rather deep into the poses. Upward facing dog became a focus. Perhaps this is the reason why urdhva dhanurasana was so good today. I lifted my body up three times and it was not as painful as usual. Here, too no mental resistance was felt. I just did it.

This wonderful practice today made me forget that I have to go to work. I managed it to establish a self-practice, perhaps one day I will have the courage and confidence to work more on my own business than to seek shelter in corporate companies. My job is difficult. After 7 hours of sleep I think that I won't go on my own, I will make it difficult for them. Difficult is relative, because I only have a contract for one year. They can decide very easily if they want to work with me for further years or not. Till then I will do what I can do, even if it is not that much. It's difficult to see that it doesn't matter what I'm doing, that each situation is only consciousness, energy, movement.

I would like to stay at home, even if this would mean that I have to clean my home today.


Bhakti Yogi said...

Dear Ursula,
I hear you on all this. I worked for a very big company for 21 years and I was extremely loyal, as you are. In the end, remember that they will take and take from you, but not necessarily care how you feel physically or emotionally. They can wear you down on both ends and say, well we pay a good salary so it is up to you to do the rest. I left because of that one aspect. Yes, we need money to survive but I knew I could not do it at the expense of my body and mind. That's just me but know that you are supported in how you feel about having to work so hard every single day. Blessings through the practice is so important and I admire your tenacity with yours every day. There is a light at the end of the tunnel for all of us. I do not make as much money now as I used to but I am feeling a lot healthier physically and mentally for sure.
Take good care of yourself :)

Wayne said...

Hope you feel better soon!

Ursula said...

Thank you so much Wayne.

Ursula said...

Dear bhakti yogi, thank you so much for sharing your life.
For quite a time I know already that to work as an employee in the corporate world is a dead end road. This job is a job that I appreciate as I can apply what I have learned lately. But the disadvanteges are too big: You are so right. I have to take care of myself. Nobody will ever thank me when I work on Saturdays. :)

I like money so much. But I think that I can make much more when I'd had the courage to work on my own. Let's see what I can do, what will happen. My job is not so safe either. :)

Bhakti Yogi said...

Dear Ursula,
You are so welcome. I really do understand what you are going through around the job, money, etc. It takes time, perspective and of course all the courage we can muster to get to the other side. I know you will do it when the time is right and you will be free...and making money to enjoy your life...and practice fully :)
Rest and recover soon!

Ursula said...

Dear bhakti yoga, I'm so sure this stress won't last.So far everything changed. :)

I hope you are well, too.

Best wishes. I must hurry already. Ursula