Tuesday, September 04, 2007

Zazen "only" today

No yoga this morning. I feel good, I like this exercise of not practicing. I can get back to yoga on one of the next days. Who will prevent me? It's easier not to practice than I thought.

I wrote my morning pages - 3 today and then I put my cushion on the floor.

I did Zazen or sitting. First thought was that I would have time to sit longer today, 30 min. But why another challenge? 20 min of sitting is enough I finally decided. The session was very quite. I got back to my breath from time to time, I wanted to make it even. Body posture was comfortable, I felt a bit tired perhaps. At the end of the session strong feelings came up. I could scarcely sit quite anymore. And then it was over, the 20 min. Then I pretended washing my body with my hands, starting with the face first. It's to make the blood circulate again. I have learned this in one of the workshops I attended in the last years.
I bowed forward, front touched the floor, I bowed forward again, front touched the floor. The end.

I didn't think of the thoughts anymore, that made me react so strongly during the session. Session was over. Attachment was one of my greatest mistakes in life, as I see it now. Anger, sadness, joy, boredom, fear is not the problem. But to be angry and sad, to have fears or joy and to think about it even after a months or a year when an event is over is an awful mistake. Better things can be done than clinging on old events. It's even better to live a new sadness than to cling at the old one.

And that's why I'm looking forward to my breakfast now and I must laugh why I got so emotional during the sitting session. (For the curious ones: I think my bf does not take nice pictures of me and often he does not like to take pictures at all. It's a real reason to get angry in the morning. Hahaha)

So today I practiced non-detachment: I didn't practice Ashtanga yoga, I was not attached to some strange upcoming feelings. I have one hour left. That's a real gift.


magallanica said...

I'm very happy for you, Ursula.
It's such a huge step forward to free yourself from the pressure and the obbligation to practice in order to find the the love IN practice, the intimate and so rewarding CHOICE to practice.

Overcommitment is an obstacle at times: the freedom not to practice is the freedom to practice.

After the pause your body will re-engage, willing,innocent, renewed and undistracted.

Present moment is always the perfect beginning.

With much love,

Ursula said...

Dear Paz, thank you again for your lovely comment.

Probably it was not easy for me not to practice. Back got better and arm, too and this is a very good sign.

And tomorrow I won't practice again. :) Nice was, that I had the feeling of having time.

All the best for you and thank you for your love.