Monday, September 17, 2007

No idea for a blog titel today :)

Zazen: Body was still, mind had it's stories. I always got back to one of the questions I have in mind. Amazing today was that I stopped the session exactly after 20 min. This makes me question if a meditation clock is good or if it is better to develop a feeling for the time. On the other side, most of the sessions are characterized that I look at my watch several times. I buy one. I made a decision right now. Then I have a choice. I loved my sitting session.

Ashtanga yoga: I felt that it would be difficult to stay on the mat without a break outside of the mat. But I wanted to stay. I found out that it is good to get to know the point before the action starts. Today I was attentive and when I felt the urge to leave I took some deep breath, put my hands together in front of my chest and I stayed quite. Then I could go on, as I wished. Practice was very good. I was focused, flow was experienced. To stop these little breaks outside of my mat intensified my practice enormously. It became somehow clear that I want to be on the mat for this hour, I want to keep the energy on the mat. No time for all of the asanas. It's OK.

As soon as I had written the last post yesterday, I clicked on stat counter. I had just written that I didn't like to do it and it was done a fracture of a second later. Automatically. I didn't even notice it at first. When I saw the stats I knew that I had clicked on it. That's not good. So I know that I do the right exercise. No checking of the stat counter today. It's not important to know how many readers I have and it is not important who is reading. (I only hope that nobody, who knows me is reading, but this I cannot avoid by checking). This little habit became too automatically, too compulsive. Let's see what happens today.

Phone call with B.:
Me: What do you think, how long will we like it? Till 60?
(It's clear what "it" is, we always speak about "it")
She: Till we will die!
Me: OMG, hahaha.
She: My parents did it till my father passed away. He was 75 when he died.
Me: Oh.
She: Yes, and now my mother wears his underwear from time to time as a sign of her mourning.
Me: That pleases me.

I ask me if her mother has told her this, but probably it was like this.

The weather: Sunny in the beginning, later of the day it will be rainy. That's what the weather report promises. I must stretch my leg out to the balcony in order to know what to dress.


magallanica said...

Dear Ursula,

I can relate to those unwanted impulsive rituals. They are the story of my life. Time consuming, sometimes weird and escalating.
Recently, I've found obsessive compulsive behavior is all about uncertainty and the urge to control immediate future. We want to feel certain about the "righteousness" of our choices, we want to control what we have no control over and we will never have.
I've also found that if I try to suppress them or restrain, they worsen. Mindfulness, gently pulling attention back to the present (fear fades if I stay here, now) is much more useful.
Just being with the need to click, to clean, to check. Just being with the part within which is struggling with uncertainty.

How many people are reading me? How many people are scrutinizing my process? What are they thinking about? How can I welcome them,feed them and entertain them better or make them like me more?

You are just perfect as you are.
The main focus of MyYogaBlog is to put on display a simple, yet profound act of daily inner intimacy.
And your way, your silent early morning way is already the best as you click the publish button.

After that, nothing depends on you.
After that, the gift is given.
Just feel our gratefulness. Imagine it. You can even clean up the css.
No stat counter, no need.

With much love,

Ursula said...

Dear Paz,
Thank you again for you wise comment. It's a good explanation that I can understand: to feel certain about the "righteousness" of our choice.I will think about it.

We are living in the same time zone, so I wish you a wonderful evening.