Wednesday, February 28, 2007
With our rental car we will drive till Toulouse. From there we will return to Munich on Tuesday after the weekend.
I love France. That's something to look forward to. Really, la France c'est magnifique.
The revolution: From September 1st 2007 on it will be forbidden to smoke in restaurants. This will cost us so much money, this is not fair. So often we stayed at home, because it was so smoky in the restaurants and we didn't like to clean the clothes afterwards, but now.............buhhh, this is expensive for us.
I need this quite start. At first I have to arrive on my mat. I breath consciously and then I start with these wonderful surya namaskaras a.
I thought today that I want to insert the split poses (forward an sidewards). After prasarita padottanasana is a good opportunity to take the legs wider to the sides. After trikonasana is a good opportunity to bend the already bended knee a little bit more in order to open the hips.
The splits are so important because they help to get into pincha mayurasana or headstand easier. If standing split is possible, only one leg has to be lifted without this kick to get up, which is most of the time too strong.
Middle part was too short - lack of time. It is so pity, but it is difficult to get out of bed before 6 a.m.
I did headstand, the pose was rather stable. It helps if I pull in the stomach and if I use the bandhas.
I did dhanurasana as well using the bandhas. Using the bandhas protects the lower back and it gives stability.
I'm so reluctant to go to work. This needs to be changed: either the attitude or the job.
Tuesday, February 27, 2007
My days are very long and then suddenly it is 6 p.m. and I can go home.
But the energy level at 6 p.m. is no more the same than in the morning. When I'm with people I wake up, I get excited, but when I'm alone I just relax.
For me it would be good to take a nap during lunch time. I would have more energy in the evening. For the time being this is not possible.
A few surya namaskaras followed, but then I made another cup of coffee - for my darling. He had to get up early, too and I know how difficult it is for him. It is not quite anymore when he is up, I was not concentrated.
I don't care. This evening I will be alone at home and I can practice.
I'm happy, a little bit tired as it was rather late yesterday.
I want to start the day with an open mind, attentive, quite.
Monday, February 26, 2007
I knew the group and it was a funny evening. In the middle of the conversation it became really difficult for me to shut up. We talked about blogging and the opinion of the group was: blogging is nothing that is acceptable. I had to hide that I blog as it was a business group. But it was so difficult . We discussed and discussed. It was funny.
Picture: impression of the yoga studio.
I went to bed again. E. is so warm in the morning, it's so nice. I hugged him from behind and asked him: "When do you like to get up?" He whispered:" At eight." Me: "Say something nice." He:"Ärgerknoten." After a while: "I like you." I gave him a kiss on his neck and then I went again to my mat. I sat down for a while. I realized that it is Monday.
I stood up. I started my practice with nadi exercise. It was rather good as my stomach was empty. I inhaled, exhaled while bending the knees a little bit, hands were on my knees, elbow straight. And now the 3rd important bandha came into play. I pretended to inhale, but the bandha at the throat was locked. The consequence: my stomach went in rather deep. It felt even good. I repeated this several times.
Practice went on with the suryas, but slow. I was a bit sore from yesterday. I only managed to do the standing sequence and a few sitting poses. Shoulder stand, halasana, fish, padmasana, and dead woman pose at the end. That was it - my morning practice.
The cold shower (after the hot one) woke me up. No trance status now anymore, I'm fully awake.
Yesterday a teacher asked me if I would come today. I said yes. In case I can leave the company on time I will practice again in the evening. This should be enough for today. Oh, yes, I heard that B. would come back from India earlier. This means that I will have soon again Mysore classes.
Sunday, February 25, 2007
I want to add to jump from downward dog to my hands, feet landing softly outside of the hands. It is a good exercise to control the jumping.
I will also add some of the exercises to get into handstand, i.e. to shift the weight on the hands and then lift up the toes from the floor. This should be enough.
And in the evening I want "to hang it out" - everything.
Aaron is a great teacher. We did so many good preparations for handstand, that it was finally just natural to be in handstand. Now I know that there can be more than just a wall and the tries to get up into this pose. It is possible to play with this posture. I had a fantastic day.
I went to my limits, that's why I'm also so tired that I cannot write more.
Today I was grateful that I could expand my thinking of my possibilities. I think now that handstand is possible for me.
Saturday, February 24, 2007
The performance: It was again a great show. I saw asanas that I've never seen, amazing sequences were performed in a perfect way.
Theory first: Hip joints can be moved in 6 directions: sidewards, backward, forward, up, ........6 directions, believe me.
Dynamic stretching: This was the revolutionary part of the workshop. We swung our legs to the air and back. We walked up and down the yoga room, stretching the legs to the ceiling. The exercises were lent by martial art exercises, but not at all worse because of this. These dynamic movements heated the body.
A lot of partner exercises followed, which were very nice and effective as well, but as I exercise most of the time alone, I enjoyed it, but it is nothing for the future.
Hang it out: That's good - hang it out. This means to stay in a position rather long. Even the master himself did 3 years ago for one year the following exercise:
-at first pigeon pose for 10 minutes,
-then lower legs laid one over the other while the upper body was bent forward for 10 minutes
-then cow pose for ten minutes, bending forward as well. We held these hip opening posture 4 minutes each.
Believe me it was not only pleasant, it hurt.
To hang it out means it hurts, but you stay. The pain should be observed. In a group it is easier to do it, but then it can be done alone. The mental aspect of this exercise is that to hang it out can also be performed in daily life troubles. Pain, anger can be observed, till it disappears.
Split pose forward, split pose sidewards were exercised. Muscles play an important role. The technique is to tighten the muscles first and then to release them while going deeper into the pose. Then the same game again. It is a very effective technique.
At the end we should think of something we are grateful for. I thought that I'm grateful for my body. Nothing else came into my mind. A little bit limited perhaps.
I had another wonderful day - it's a very exciting yoga workshop. Also today I got a lot of stuff to chew on, from new asanas, new sequences, new techniques (hang it out), dynamic stretching, improvisation, attitude. Buh.
When I left the yoga rooms today I really had the feeling that I've done something. I felt my body and it was enough for today. I met E. at the Schranne. We ate our Italian favourite food: he had spagetti bolognaise, I had penne al'arrabiata. My body is hot now. Hot blood runs through my cells. For me the day is over. I will hang it out on the sofa.
PS: Inner strength is so important.
The performance: At first Aaron wanted to show us how he exercises yoga. The performance would take about 15 minutes and we were asked to walk around to look at him from different sides. We could also go and have a cup of coffee, he said, but from the first seconds on it was clear that nobody wanted to have a cup of coffee.
The performance was great. I was breathless. I thought: is this really possible. He got up in handstand and down, legs behind the head, arms somewhere and up again in handstand. Amazing, how this guy can use his body. The whole body was involved the entire time. Bandhas were used. I could see how the stomach was going inside. It was a very concentrated performance. Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, was left to say.
Then we could ask him some questions: I was courageous and I asked him if he doesn't do surya namaskaras to warm the body up. His answer: Years ago he did surya namaskaras, but there are also faster techniques to warm the body up. I think we did some. This are the postures like utkatasana, with the arms to the sides.
Another woman asked if he had already considered to work for a circus. But this does not fit to a yogi lifestyle, at least not to Aaron's lifestyle.
Our practice: We started with uttanasana. The task was to feel the body, to feel the limits, to test out what is possible what not. I loved the sequences we did. Unfortunately I cannot remember anymore. I hope that my body remembers when I'm on my mat. We held the postures rather long. This was difficult and exhausting for me. I went out of the postures sometimes before the other yogis did it. But I'm self-confident enough to do it. I know it is my body and I know how fast I can injure myself when I'm overzealous.
The inspiration: Why not play around with poses? Why not make up the own sequence? To be creative, to be free, to play - this can be yoga, too. There are no limitations. I'm sure that I will add some practices to my daily Ashtanga practice which are performed freely. Improvisation is a key word.
I was glad that I could push away the thought "I will never be able to do this", after this great performance. Everybody has his/her own practice. And it is beautiful to see what is possible.
The first day of the workshop was great, I will write tomorrow about it. It is too late now and I'm tired. I was out with E.. He is back from Poland. We had a drink at the Mexican bar and now we are tired, totally tired.
Friday, February 23, 2007
It is not that easy to get out of bed in the morning. I cannot find reasons. Food intake is healthy, sleep should be enough. I mean 7 or 8 hours must be enough. Inner discussion starts as soon as the alarm clock rings: "give you another 10 minutes." But I need these 10 minutes in the morning. Finally I had the time for 2 morning pages and my daily prayer.
I started with sitting in front of the mat, followed by the standing sequence. This is all not a very surprising story. Suddenly I heard me singing a German song: Old like a tree. Where was my breath? I think, this goes to far. Singing while doing Ashtanga yoga.
I expect from the workshop this evening that I take my practice a little bit more seriously again, with more focus, more concentration.
Thursday, February 22, 2007
It is with Aaron Cantor, his website is http://www.steppingintobalance.com/ . It's worth to have a look at the gallery. I found nice pictures there.
Day one is on correct performance of classic postures.
Day two is on hips opening.
Day three is on inversed poses, headstand, forearm stand and so on.
Another day where I have something to look forward to. Yepeeh
In the beginning of a partnership exists still a little privacy. Bathroom is used one after the other. (Of course pretending that there is only one bathroom available; some might have more than one). But after a while one stands together around the sink brushing teeth together. And still a little bit later (after one year or so) the one partner sits on the toilet, while the other is shaving the legs. Everything can be observed, there is no secret anymore. All so natural, isn't it?
I decided that I will close the bathroom door from time to time again. And I want to be there alone. Not because I feel really shame to have someone around me in the bathroom while brushing my teeth or while.............., but I think it is more exciting for the partner not to know everything. It is not necessary to share all activities. A step back, that can be a step forward.
I picked up B. at her office. She wanted to buy a few books at the English bookstore which is round the corner where I live. We took the underground. Me too, I found again two books there. She bought a book by Donna Leon. I found new interesting books, too: One on writing one on the flow (a classic) . Then we headed to the Indian restaurant.
We talked and talked and talked and talked. Time was too short to tell everything. There is so much knowledge, experiences to share on work, men, fashion, languages, food, the past, the future, the present. It is endless to mention all our topics.
Finally she had to hurry up to catch the train.
At first I had to wake up my darling. He is in Nürnberg. He played soccer there yesterday in the evening. He must drive to Munich this morning in order to catch his flight to (I've forgotten it). He flies too often to different destinations. I called him and I heard his tired voice. So I know him. Some kisses via the phone and my life could go on.
My life on the mat: How I liked it just to sit, only to sit. At least I wanted to do some surya namaskaras. I did it, I didn't count - it was more than 5. They stretch me. I was so slowly today. I only did the standing asanas, but it was lovely. There is not so much ambitious at the moment, if at all. Shoulder stand, plough, fish, that was it. Then I sat again in padmasana. Proud posture. Then I bent forward, my arms pointed backwards. It was so relaxing. No judgment again. It was as it was.
And I'm sure at the workshop Friday/Saturday/Sunday I will give again my very best.
This evening I will meet B. That's something to look forward to. We will go to her favourite Italian restaurant.
Wednesday, February 21, 2007
I was concentrated. One asana followed the other like one pearl after the other. I stayed longer than one breath in upward facing dog and longer than one breath in downward facing dog. It is relaxing.
There is never time for all the asanas. But I did all the maris and I did forearm stand - once. I balance better and better. Of course I still need the wall. No question. But fear fades slowly.
What shall I write. My practice IS my first highlight in the morning. I love it.
Work: My morning pages were full of office shit. I don't want to blame anybody. This is way too simple for my current state of knowledge. But how to bear everything. I try to reframe it. Difficult people are good for novels. One day I will write a novel. I start collecting characters. Offices all over the world are a good place to do so. I know that most people are rather unconscious, so why not play with them. Only one thing shall not happen. That stupid people influence my good mood, my optimism, my motivation.
And there is something I'm looking forward to: it is a 3 days workshop from Friday on. More about it later.
Tuesday, February 20, 2007
On my mat I thought that if I did a few suryas only it would be OK, too. But I did the suryas, I did the standing sequence, shalabasana and dhanurasana. Of course I added a short closing sequence with headstand and savasana at the end.
The body yearned to be stretched. The cells wanted fresh blood and H2O. It was not much what I did, but what I did, I enjoyed.
Today is Faschingsdienstag (carnevel). Most companies close at 12 or 1 p.m. I have not yet heard anything that the company I'm working for will close at that time. Under the cold shower I thought: What if they allow all the others to go and I would have to stay. I don't know what shocked me more - the cold water or this thought. I will go to work with no expectations. But it would be so nice if we could go earlier. I could practice in the afternoon. This would be a real gift. Afterwards I could go with E. to the Marienplatz in order to take a few pictures and to dance.
Monday, February 19, 2007
I said yes and I already regretted it when I had entered the shop. It was a mess there (like at my home :)). 3 or 4 women were already sitting on chairs and salespeople were putting make-up on their faces with brushes of different sizes.
I asked the woman if she had a concept. Yes, she said, I look at the type of the person.
At first she removed my "old" make up, with a fat lotion. The box was half empty already. Ihhhhh, I thought. Then she put another fat lotion from another disgusting box on my face, cheap stuff probably. I'm pale, to use a brown make up makes me look painted and not more beautifully. A make up shall make the skin even looking, but please no other color in the face. Mascara was put below my eyes, because the woman didn't see well anymore. Rouge was too dark.
I bought the lipstick, I felt I had to do it: 22 Euro. I was so happy that it was already dark outside. I hurried home, finally there I threw my clothes in a corner and up I went under the shower as fast as possible.
This person of that shop has never heard anything about Bobbi Brown, the make-up artist.
Why complain? I feel good. Isn't this one of the main reasons for a practice. Body was moved and stretched. Mind was on the mat, too. Not all vinyasas were performed, not all asanas were performed. Time was too short. Who cares?
A bit more precise: I could bind in all the maris. Dhanurasana was performed, but it was more an indicated push up than a bridge or an arch. Headstand was wobbling. Savasana was great. Even though I was not really good, the practice was exhausting.
This was the start of another working week. Let's face the day - smiling.
Sunday, February 18, 2007
E. helped me to do kapotasana. He started sweating at once. It was exhausting for him. With his help I could touch the floor with my finger tips for a fracture of a second. The hands were very far away from the toes. He: "It will take you still some time till you will be able to do this pose." I had shown him the picture from Matthew Sweeney. I'm convinced, that it will take a very long time. But I touched the floor. Wonderful
I was helped in supta vajirasana, too. E. sweated even more. I went up and down 3 times and then I (we) held the posture for a while. It was nice to be in that pose.
Pincha mayurasana was the last pose of the middle part.
Dhanurasana was good. I could straighten the arms. Bandhas were used.
E.'s comment, when he saw me in headstand: "But this pose you shouldn't do anymore when you are old." I forgot to say that with yoga I won't get old. :)
Now I'm ready to go downtown with E. to eat Faschingskrapfen. Weather is sunny.
It is as if nothing has happened. Fact is, that nothing happened in reality.
I'm back to my routine: I got up early, I consider 8:00 early on weekends. I had my first cup of black coffee. Delicious. I'm going to write my morning pages, then Ashtanga yoga.
I sit with crossed legs in my green paradise.
The symphnony went on - calmer notes are played.
This was my moon day yesterday: haha
Saturday, February 17, 2007
I feel better now. I cannot give reasonable reasons why I felt so miserable (terrible miserable), now I'm on my way up. First steps are in direction to my bed. Boyfriend understood without words (even though he was part of the disaster, no this is wrong, I won't blame someone else, it is me, nobody else). Spaghetti tarrantino( with capres and olives) were delicious, dessert (zuppa romana) was sinful as well. I need sleep and tomorrow I will practice (2nd series).
That's something to look forward to, isn't it? I was so optimistic and then this storm, this desperation. I'm ashamed. I felt so strong and then this weakness. I have to accept it. It makes me more sensitive for the issues of my friends - hopefully.
So desperate. I drank 3 Chardonnay, everything I did today was embarrassing. Perhaps it is a gift when it is possible to cry, when tears are rolling down the cheeks, unstoppable even in the restaurant.
I'm fed up with everything. In my age people are half dead, and I'm still so stupid to cry. I hate me. No, I haven't taken any picture. I'm still alive. What to do now? I don't know. It is a day of no hope.
Thank you Marie-Claire, thank you Susan.
and I could cry. I will never conquer it.
Yesterday I thought that I would be able to observe my misery. But now I'm again the misery itself. I'm desperate, overwhelmed, alone.
Experience says me that this will not last. Nothing lasts forever. I'm in such a deep valley and I do not understand it.
This morning I had such interesting stuff in mind that I wanted to write down. It is all forgotten. Only black, ink black thoughts are in my mind. It is all too much for me. I get nervous so fast.
I will go out and walk around with my camera. Taking pictures always cheers me up. It is carnival outside and people think this is the time where everybody has to laugh. There is a certain group pressure to pretend that life is funny. But how to move, I'm paralyzed.
Friday, February 16, 2007
I was out with E.. We got two seats at our favourite restaurant, the Greece one. They sat people at our table. We talked to these people. I was able to express in German language what I wanted to express. Our table neighbours thought that we were very interesting people. They regretted it when we had to go because there was a reservation and we couldn't stay longer at that place.
It was excitement that I experienced. I was on top. I liked to talk, to express myself, to be expressive. I expect a hangover, soon.
I wanted to write about work, but it is not the time for it, after 2 retsina, 2 ouzos.
I could hold this pose so long. I was really balanced. So balanced, as if I stood on my nice feet. That was really joy this morning.
Otherwise I was distracted during my practice. I couldn't do many asanas as a lack of time.
But I had time to motivate my boyfriend to do paravritta trikonasana. At first he didn't know where to pose his hands and his legs. But I showed him. I know this was insolent from my part. I really had to laugh when he did it. Even worse, his inability to do the pose gave me a good feeling about my flexibility.
OK, I need some encouragement from time to time, too and he doesn't care. It is not his goal to be a good yogi. He wants to score when he plays soccer.
During work I will think of a punishment for my boyfriend. He is even worse than me, because he thinks he has me.
Thursday, February 15, 2007
Now 2 hours are available for the so-called private life. My yoga place is full of papers. E. is preparing his taxes. There is no room for me this evening to do some poses.
After work I went to the doctor. I needed a prescription for my thyroid gland. Afterwards I did grocery shopping. Finally at home I prepared the dinner (bread and cheese). One thing I really like here in Germany: we have the best bread of the world and such a choice. Nowhere else in this world I've found this.
Today the book arrived, that another blogger had recommended. I loved the title, so I ordered it: "How to be free". One chapter is about "No more housework". I don't know how other people handle this task. For me it is often too much. It is boring to clean things, which are faster dirty again than I can think. Years ago I even joined an online group (this group has more than 10.000 members, mostly from America). Five times a day or even more often I get an Email with recommendations what I shall do at home. Baby steps is the recommended method. But sometimes even these baby steps, that take 5 minutes or so are too much for me. At the moment it is a chaos at home. There is no other word for what is around me. Housework interests me not at the time. One thing I can do perhaps: I can look for things that I can throw away. I want to be free.
It's easier now to leave the job on time. I feel free with my new colleague. There is not such a group pressure, that I had when I was in the office with this other colleague. She still stays longer .....I don't know how long.
Perhaps some postures on the bed now?
Wednesday, February 14, 2007
Lately I read some books with almost the same concept: Someone travelled the world or travelled to India and found himself/herself.
Isn't it of the same excitement to search for oneself and finally find interest in the world.
Must it always be the own navel that is so interesting? (OK, my navel, yes........)
Picture is taken during my lunch break, downtown Munich.
Yesterday I felt so overwhelmed. Weak.
Because of this I thought this morning, that I do only what I really want on my mat. With every movement energy level went up, mood went up, flexibility went up. (Only I had not enough time). I turned out to be a good practice. To hold urdhva muka swanasana longer that 1 breath is very helpful.
I got angry as well. Angry about these teachers who do not know that adjustments should be given on both sides and not only on one side. Even though my body is relatively evenly stretched on both sides usually, this changed since I go to classes again, where the teachers give adjustments only on one side. I will mention this the next time before a class: no adjustment or adjustments on both sides.
The Munich Ashtanga yoga scene is dessert.
That's why I had to develop a self practice and this is really the good point. My self practice gets better and better. I'm more concentrated, the group pressure or the coaching of a bad or medium teacher is not so necessary. I couch myself as I always did in my life. I'm looking here and there. I pick up something here and there, I judge by myself if it is good for myself. Of course I'm learning a lot from others, also from their faults, but finally I'm more and more my own guru.
Tuesday, February 13, 2007
I close my eyes and go on with my favourite activities.
I must clean my rooms.
I few minutes later I sat at the kitchen table and I had dinner. I cannot live without 3 meals a day.
Shower and bed that is the order now. As usual I will read a few pages in one of my books and then I can bury the day.
I held urdhva muka svanasana for a few breath every time I did it. Today was the back bend day - 2nd series. But I had to adjust the practice to the available time. This meant - no kapotasana i.e.. I had to omit other asanas, too. But today I did dhanurasana. It was not really good. I used my bandhas. This improved this asana, but no it was not really good. I also did pincha mayurasana. Here I get somehow ambitious. I want to do this pose.
How it might have been from the outside, from the inside I feel great now.
Monday, February 12, 2007
In a led Ashtanga class poses are usually held longer than I do it, when I practice alone. To hold the poses longer was demanding for me and I enjoyed it. Vinyasas after every side were performed. After navasana and a short closing sequence the class was over. We did no mari d and no dhanurasana. That's how it is in a led Ashtanga class with beginners.
In the changing room I heard that some students didn't like this sort of yoga - too sportive.
The woman from the last time, who did again her Mysore style complained as well. I heard how she wanted to have more attention, more adjustments. From the view of a teacher, I think it is not possible to please everybody.
A. gave us a wonderful neck massage when we were in savasana. She had a basil oil and it smelled extraordinary good. I loved it.
My attitude: I try to pick up everywhere something that I can use for me. If something doesn't say me anything I won't go anymore. At least I had a practice in a nice yoga room. That's something, isn't it. I feel good now.
I went home by underground with a relaxed face. I'm drinking a ginger tea now. Wonderful.
Half an hour, perhaps an hour and then I will be in my bed, perhaps dreaming that I do perfects asanas. Upavistha konasana gets better and better.
Then time was tight. I went on with the series, I did the vinyasas. I know that I need strength, inner strength and strength in the arms and legs. This motivated me to do the vinyasas. The vinyasas are the reason why I like Ashtanga yoga. They make the difference. I ask me why I want to omit them so often (Answer: because they exhaust me and they are difficult). I want to jump through without touching the floor with my feet.
I did kurmasana (not supta kurmasana), baddha konasana.
Then I did upavishta konasana. I wanted to see if my dream comes true (to get the chin to the floor). I could go very deeply into this position. This pleased me this morning. I even relaxed, which helped me to go even a little bit deeper, with straight back hopefully.
Headstand was performed, pincha mayurasana. This is also something that I like, that I have the feeling this pose is doable (without my wardrobe) one day. A quick closing sequence - fish with straight legs. Savasana. Great.
Summary: not enough time, but what I did, pleased me, a good start for this week.
Sunday, February 11, 2007
Surya namaskara b: I have to convince me to do 5. Often I want to stop after the 3rd surya. But I need strength. I get out of breath when I do 5 and I need more breaths as indicated. I don't care about it as long as my breath is even. But sometimes it is not even!
The standing sequence: I get better and better. My stomach does not touch my thighs in pandanghustasana and padhastasana. Nevertheless I like these two asanas as a starter. And then I go on. I had a very good parivritta parsva konasana. This pose is a good preparation for pashasana. I did every single pose and I held it and I breathed. Bandhas were used. It was very intensive.
The intermediate part: This is the part I've teached myself. I get better, I think.
When I came to kapotasana reluctance, discontent came up. I can only indicate this posture. When I come to this posture I'm already exhausted. I have no more the forth and the will to give everything. That's why I think I should work on this pose more relaxed in an extra session, where I do a few warming ups and then these demanding poses, like laghu vajrasana and kapotasana.
Eka pada sirsasana was also indicated. I did preparations for this pose.
Tittibasana - let's change the subject.
Pincha mayurasana gets better. I altered the legs. First I went up with the right leg first, then with the left leg first. I always want that my body gets trained equally. Here I stop.
At the end I was somehow discontent. I wanted to be better. In the beginning it was easy going, at the end I struggled, I had no more power. The body feels good now, I must admit it, but I wanted to be better.
Closing sequence: Too fast. Dhanurasana was good, but I cannot even imagine what I shall do to get up from this position. I fell out of garbha pindasana as every morning. It is somehow funny. I did sirsasana. Savasana was great in my white soft jacket.
That was my morning practice on Sunday.
Saturday, February 10, 2007
And it was good, as I could perform all the asanas. I didn't omit a vinyasa. I had time.
At the moment I find it very helpful to stay a little bit longer in upward facing dog. It is a counter pose to all this forward bends. It should have some room, more room than only one breath in the 1st series.
I tried to get into padmasana without helping hands, while in shoulder stand. I could fold, but padmasana was not so good as with my hands. It was the first time, I will repeat this.
I know that it is the best thing I can do - Ashtanga yoga. I only want to progress faster.
If I only could progress faster ....... but I also know if I progressed faster another wish would come up. Then I would write again: If I only could....... So it is as it is. A daily practice will show me the way.
I added pincha mayurasana and handstand (once) at the end. Savasana was performed.
It is sunny here and warm. It is Fasching (carneval). Yesterday I bought Krapfen for my colleagues and we had much fun. The Krapfen were so good, that I have to take E. to this bakery today. Krapfen are his favourite sweets from the bakery. He eats other cakes, too, of course. But Krapfen - it must be always 3 - he considers them so good.
Friday, February 09, 2007
Something strange happened at the beginning. I was the very first in the practice room. I rolled out my mat. The entire room and it is a really big one, was empty. Another yogini came and it seemed as if she liked to roll out her mat exactly where my mat was. The whole room was empty. She asked me to move my mat. I did it. I thought: if I can please you so easily, I will place my mat somewhere else.
Marie, the teacher, is so good. It is so nice to see, how she works with the bodies. It is real bodywork. She changed her practice. She became much more attentive. She is just perfect. I like to be in one of her classes, even though it was not so enlightened. But let's say it as it is. It is totally the same when I do paschimottanasana surrounded by beginners or by advanced students.
I enjoyed the practice and then the sinful life began. E. picked me up and we went to the Israeli restaurant round the corner. I had (oh my goodness) 2 glasses of wine and a starter. E. seems to be pleased again that he is with me. He is looking at all the young girls and sees that they are all so tall. He likes it that I'm so tiny (and that I have always something to tell).
Jaime answers, "I don't want to get up, Papa."
The father shouts, "Get up, you have to get up to go to school."
Jaime says, " I don't want to go to school."
"Why not?" asks the father.
"Three reasons," says Jaime. "first, because it's so dull; second, the kids tease me; and third, I hate school."
And the father says, "Well, I am going to give you three reasons why you must go to school. First, because it is your duty; second, because you are forty-five years old, and third, because you are the headmaster."
Wake up, wake up! You've grown up. Your're too big to be asleep. Wake up! Stop playing with your toys." (Awareness by Anthony de Mello, p. 5)
This author can give me advice. It is clear what I will do this week-end. I will read this book. So curious, how I can wake up.
Surya namaskaras, standing sequence was rather intensive and then I looked at my watch which lays on the floor next to the mat. It was already rather late. I knew that I wouldn't be able to do the whole 1st series. I did a few forward bends and vinyasas. Bandhas were good today as well. Soon I knew that when I wanted to have a closing sequence I had to start with it. I did dhanurasana. Bandhas help a lot. I could lift, but my arms couldn't straighten. At least one backbend was performed.
I did savasana with my white jacket like every day. It protects me. It keeps me warm.
This would have been a very good full practice, if I only had time. I know that all people of this planet have the same amount of time like me, but from feeling I think I have much less.
Thursday, February 08, 2007
We come from America, Canada, Europe, Australia. That's what I know. We have a lot of links on our blogs. Some write often, some not. We are men and women, single, married, with children or without, old, young. Every day is an adventure, so is every single Ashtanga yoga practice. We share new experiences: how it is to lift the right food a little bit higher in utthita hasta padangustasana or how it is to be a little bit deeper in baddha konasana is so important. It is all very exciting. Feelings are shared, and so much more.
It is so much life in these blogs that I thought we must be 1000 or so - but we are "only" 82.
What an exciting gang.
Not this night. I dreamed that I sat on the floor, I opened my legs, I inhaled and during the exhale I bend forward with straight back till my chin touched the floor. I performed a perfect upavistha konasana a this night. This was my first yoga dream.
Back to this morning: I practiced. Time was not enough as every morning. I shouldn't mention it anymore. I was relaxed. I moved myself through the suryas, the standing sequence and a few back bends and closing sequence of course. I enjoyed my practice. It was not such a great practice, but I must see the joy. During the week-end I will have time again for a real intensive practice. In the mornings my time is limited.
I lifted my body into dhanurasana 3 times. It really helps to use the bandhas. That's my focus at the moment. I use the bandhas in almost every position and each time it feels differently. The bandhas improve a position. It stabilizes the pose. The bandhas help to go deeper into a position. The pose looks better, more concentrated. The whole body is active when I use the bandhas.
I feel good, the weather is bad.
Wednesday, February 07, 2007
This makes me thought-provoking.
I decided to take it easy today. I thought of a few surya namaskaras. I was stiff, but they felt good and after a short while I didn't feel anymore that my body was slightly overstretched.
Unfortunately my nose was clogged. Breathing was not so easy. Every day is something else. I realized how helpful a good breath is. An intensive breath makes half of a good practice.
A few forward bends like janu sirsanana a and paschimottanasana, marichyasana A were performed. Then sirsasana, halasana and padmasana. Savasana. This was it. It was all very quite, my mind became quite, too. Relaxing.
Of course I think now, that it would be good to add an intensive practice in the evening, but I can really decide this later. A long working day awaits me. Breath by breath I'm likely to do it through this day, too.
Tuesday, February 06, 2007
It becomes more and more clear that I spend too much time at work. Ha ha.
This year will bring some changes. I know it.
After work I was downtown at the Marienplatz. I wanted to buy a present for my darling. I had something in mind for a long time. Today I finally made it to that nice shop. I think that it is time for my darling that he has his own facial lotion. (I'm not sure if he thinks like me). Of course I share mine with him. But usually I think of his face care and put him some lotion on his face. He likes it. But he is old enough now...hihihi for his own. The lotion is so good on the skin, nothing is seen on the face, but it refreshes. It is with ginseng actif, with green coffee and vitamins - only natural ingredients of course, no animal testing either.
The lotion even gives energy. It is called Ginseng actif pour homme. The producer comes from France, where else. Hope E. will like it.
Before he comes home from soccer playing, I have to hide my little gifts for me (body lotion, shampoo, bathing foam, a lipstick).
After soccer it is a good time for such a present. If he isn't injured he usually is in a good mood, like me when I did Ashtanga.
This morning I went up at 6 a.m. as usual. At 7 a.m. I sat on my mat. I started very slowly with my practice, I had to. It was a very intensive practice yesterday. I had no pain, but I could feel the edges rather early today. This is a sign that I went rather far yesterday.
I didn't like to vex my body, so I practiced slowly and carefully. I did only a few back bends, like ushtrasana and dhanurasana. My body needs time to relax.
I would like to go back to bed and stay there till lunch time. That would be fun.
Monday, February 05, 2007
A. is the teacher, a woman with a huge smile. She also teached us to smile. Also when it is the last vinyasa and we do not know how to do it, this last time, because all the power faded already, we should smile and we should show attitude. Isn't that what I used to write, too?
A. was a good teacher. I loved her energy that she gave to the class.
In the beginning of the class a yoga student talked to her. She wanted to do Mysore class even though it was a led class. She emphasized that she wanted to get adjustments. "I know the whole first series", she proclaimed proudly. The teacher promised her to press her into the asanas. My opinion: to practice Mysore style in a led class is like swimming against the river. Only those with a very good focus can do this. Gurus? And of course individualists are able to do this.
I couldn't resist to watch her from time to time. I don't want to analyse too much, but I think she could have learned more if she went with the group, if she held the positions a little bit longer. Her rhythm would have been more equally. And last but not least, it would have been good for her ego not to do the practice on her own. Later I thought that she works perhaps independently. Working as an employee it becomes an easy task to put the ego on a hanger in the changing room before entering a yoga class. It would have been fun, if everybody wanted to do something else.
It was an enlightening class. I could lift my whole body with straight legs. That was hard. But I did it several times. The trick is to place the hands next to the thighs but more in the middle of them. Janu sirsasana b shall be good for good sex. OK.
I had an intensive, focused practice. Only when I watched others, I was not focused. But it was understandable - so many new people today in the class.
I hope that I haven't done too much. I don't want to be overstretched tomorrow. Afterwards the man, who practiced behind me said: "You are very good." I like this compliment. I start smiling almost at once. Best mood becomes even better. I complimented back, that he was good, too. He did yoga for a few months, I think he told me. When I see bloody beginners I always ask me if they will give up or if Ashtanga yoga will become a passion for them? There is nothing in between. I also know that among blind people the one with one eye is the queen. This relatives the level of my practice, but not my joy of getting such a nice feed back.
In savasana the teacher pulled my legs and the arms, I got a little neck massage and then a little cushion was laid on my eyes. It smelled of herbs. I relaxed.
I walked home in the rain, rather happy.
I was very slightly overstretched form the intensive practice yesterday. With each movement my body became softer. I had only time for a few forward bends and a short closing sequence. I do not omit savasana anymore. It reminds me to relax my face, to be cool.
The second cup of coffee is next to my PC now. I like my clean desk. The week-end was a productive one.
I plan to go to a yoga class this evening, led Ashtanga, first series. Why not.
Motivation to go to work is not very high. But the duty calls me. And of course I like the money I get. I should think of the workshop I want to go to at the end of February and that I don't have to think if I can afford it or not. I just go, because I have a job that brings me money.
Sunday, February 04, 2007
It is no more a chore or a task (challenge), it became a goal. Goal no 5 is to clean my desk. I want or perhaps better I need a clean desk in order to be able to use it.
Work, yoga, blogging, eating out, sleeping, that's my life.
Now, let's attack. There might be a small chance that I win.
Saturday, February 03, 2007
My blog seemed ridiculous after this movie. My discussed issues in my blog (when to shower, to complain, when I have to work half an hour longer, posture problems) seemed perverted to me. I see me as a victim of the Zeitgeist, a victim of my environment.
I'm not a conscious political person. But just after the movie it seems difficult to write about all these banal problems of my life. I have everything. My problems are created by myself. My main issue is how I can make my life still a little bit better than it is already (in a world where many people struggle for survival).
I needed 2 cuba libre after the movie. We also ordered chips and salsas. How comfortable.
PS: Of course the movie is a recommendation for those who want to look over the rim of the own plate. The movie goes under the skin - that's a warning.
Addition after having slept: It was a typical American movie: There was a heroe. The heroe is always a white man (never a chinese, never a woman, never a black man and so on). Dying in the mountain Leonardo, the hero still initated a last (perhaps his first) good deed. And there is a happy end. The black family was united again - and they became rich (I only write one word - diamond). This is not at all realistic, but finally nice to sea. Perhaps that's why I slept so good. Everything is OK again. Technically the movie was perfect. To see the nice countries, the colours was amazing.
Back to my yoga practice.
The kitchen is the place where we (bf and me) eat most of the time (when we are not in restaurants).
The kitchen stores the food.
It is the place where I relax, when I drink a cup of coffee or a cup of tea, the newspaper (Handelsblatt) in front of me.
I cook in the kitchen, sometimes I make phone calls from there.
At parties people gather in the kitchen to chat, to eat, to drink - the kitchen an important place.
I started. The refrigerator, the oven, the table, the chairs are the most important items in the kitchen. They want to be free, too, free from dust and dirt. Old food must be thrown out of course.
A relaxed, smiling face, with open eyes reflects success in life (whatever this might be for different people), happiness, wisdom.
A diamond ring, fancy clothes or whatever one thinks can represent the own self cannot express, what a relaxed happy face can mirror.
To smile is a way to happiness.
My life consists of working, yoga, writing, eating in restaurants. Unfortunately there are chores to do, too. And now is the time.
I have to take care of a spiritual atmosphere here, and this is a clean atmosphere. OK, my eyes are worse now, I do not see everything so clearly, I often close my eyes in order not to see all the mess. I look out of my balcony doors, so I do not see the chaos either. But this morning I decided, it is better today to clean first. What a good decision.
I can do yoga late at night.
Friday, February 02, 2007
I had a very good working day. I know that I complained a lot. The truth is: I like to work. The challenge is to find the right work. There will always be challenges, name it problems, yes, but most tasks can be handled somehow. I want to repeat it: I like to work, but the circumstances must be as I like them. I like to work independently and with optimistic people. Work must be fun, not a duty. I will look for this environment and I will find it.
Today I had set for myself a doable goal. I wanted to enter in the PC all the debtors. And I did it. I even had the time to check if everything was entered correctly. It was somehow satisfying.
The energy in the room is so much better now. When I was in the room with my former colleague I had the feeling I was in an old pension home. My situation improved. But I will take care that it will get even better in this year. I want to have a work that I like, where I can live my passion.
2 new people started working at the company. They were led from room to room. This provoked me to think again about the importance of the first impression. I definitely make a better first impression. Both made all possible mistakes. The worse the competition the better. Also this sentence is not true. I like to be surrounded with great people. It is so much more fun. I know that the first impression is overrated. So I give everybody all the chances they want. Let them play their role on that stages of this world and I like to be convinced.
Then I went home and my darling and I went out: Indian food this evening. I liked it and the Chianti was good, too. No yoga class. It was again a sinful evening. But I was together with my darling. We have not much time for each other, so I enjoy the evenings with him where we eat out at one of the Munich restaurants.
Tomorrow I will do yoga in the morning and in the afternoon and in the evening I will read books about yoga, while sitting in padmasana.
Time was limited as every day. I did the four core asanas: marichyasna d (left side was very difficult today), kurmasana (I'm on my way), garbha pindasana (Will I ever be able to touch my ears in that position?) and baddha konasana (my favourite one, chin touches the floor, I feel excellent in this position, I like it, perhaps because I'm good at it).
One more time I remembered myself that it is so important to have a straight back while forward bending. It is not so important how deep I can go into a pose, the straight back is important. I had to omit a lot of asanas/vinyasas, but so it is.
I did headstand, forearm stand and handstand. I was wobbling today.
And savasana. I could totally relax. It was wonderful.
(The meeting with B. yesterday will change my life this summer. I'm so excited.)
It is breakfast time now.
Thursday, February 01, 2007
Later I went out with E.. We went to the bar round the corner. It was relaxing. At home I took a shower and now I'm tired. I must do so many things, but I'm lazy. I want to read, I want to do nothing else, no tasks, no chores.
I will visualize an intensive practice before I will fall asleep. Perhaps it will help me to be good on the mat tomorrow morning. This is so important.
I did the standing sequence, but I hurried through the postures. I was glad that nobody saw me. I did some backbendigs, including dhanurasana. I couldn't stretch my arms today, but I was glad that I could lift me at all.
Halasana relaxed me. I did headstand, forearm stand and handstand. Very quick everything. But the week-end comes soon and then I will have again all the time I want.
When I practice like today I won't progress, perhaps I can hold the level that I currently have.
I should be ready for the day now. My mantra: I have to go home on time. Today B. awaits me at her office. She invited me to the station's lounge.