Monday, May 22, 2006

I can live from air and love alone

That's true. I need so less food that it is almost frightening: a banana with 5 nuts and a few raisins mixed with sojayofu in the morning, a little salad during lunch time, a small slice of bread with a tomato in the evening, black coffee, water, tea, no sugar as beverages. Every little bit that exceeds these small meals is to be seen on my wages and even worse on my belly in the morning.

When I was younger I didn't like to eat at all. Now I like to eat. But in order to stay slim I have to eat like a little bird. And I fear it is getting even worth. I need less and less food, that I have to enjoy more and more. I think it is an issue of age.

During the last days, I could scarcly open my mouth, because this caused neck pain. I ate almost nothing and I lost 1 kilo (is 2,2 pound for my American yogis/yoginis). I had almost reached my dream weight. Now I can eat again and I gained a kilo so quickly that I cannot look so quickly.

I think yoga was so good today and yesterday, because I had lost 1 kg. It is so much lighter to jump back and to twist (even if you don't jump back).

I know a few tricks, that makes me stop eating immediatly in case I'm no more hungry and I still want to go on eating. I can imagine that worms are coming out of the food. But do I really want to visualize this. I prefer visualizing that I stop eating as soon as I feel satisfied. In restaurants I can hear my voice saying when the waiter picks up the full plates: "Oh thanks, it was very good, but my stomach is so small. I couldn't eat any more."

Yes, I'm slim, and many people would like to be as slim as I am. I'm 160 cm tall and I weight 48 kg (105,6 pounds). My dream weight is 46 kg (101,2 pounds). My jump backs in yoga would become so easy with 2 kilos less on my ribs. But to stay slim means to eat less and less. To compensate this, I think I've to pay more and more attention to the quality of the food and that I enjoy every bite of it. I am already picky regarding food, and I will become even more picky.

This Wednesday and the following days we will see my parents and my friend's mother. Oh, they will show how much they love us by offering food and more food. And I can hear me saying: "I can live from air and love alone." They do not understand. They think: "Child, you must eat." I am so happy, that my boyfriend likes eating. He enjoys food. After breakfast he starts eating lunch. Mothers like him especially for this.

Enough food talk for today. I could go on and on with this issue. To be continued.

I'm going to prepare 2 cups of tea (earl grey) now, one for my boyfriend, one for me. We will enjoy it.


Sergio said...

Ursula, don't forget that food is not only meant to be a delight for the senses. I've had my own issues with weight: I've gone from fat to skinny (from 105 kilos to 65 kilos) but I've always tried to bear in mind that eating is nourishing. Ashtanga is physically demanding and you should not forget that in order to feel energised, you should eat food that provides you with that energy. Sometimes people eat less than they require for the sake of being skinnier but that can compromise your strength.

Tiffersll said...

Speaking from personal experience, be careful, you sound borderline eating disorder. Don't malnourish your body so you can jump back...if you are already slim, your jump backs might be hindered because of bandhas or shoulder strength. I'm just looking out for you! :-)

Sue said...

I agree with Sergio and Tiffers. You need to eat enough to support your Ashtanga practice.

You already sound like a tiny little thing, you don't need to be 46 kg. Your body mass index is already 18.75 (@ 48kg) and that's already considered underweight.

Anonymous said...

jumping back = irrelevant.

Sergio said...

Here's one more thing you might want to meditate upon, Ursula. Don't you think that the best way to improve your jumpbacks is actually doing them with MORE weight? That way you're challenging your muscles and will build up strength in time. The other way round, dropping weight so that you can jumpback, is really getting you nowhere. You find that jumping back is easier because it IS easier. If I'm used to lifting 20 kilos and one day I lift 10, I'll obviously find it easier. But don't be fooled: that's a step back and not a move forward.

I don't mean to sound preachy. Just like Tiff(any), I'm looking out for you. Take care.

Ursula said...

Thank you all for your caring comments. My title was a little bit provocative, I think. Actually I like to eat. But I also think that with getting older the body needs less food. Most people at my age are overweight and out of shape.

In my life is one part that will prevent myself from being too thin. It is my boyfriend who likes to go out and who invites me rather often. Then we do the entire programme: starter, main course, dessert, espressi.

But your comments influenced me yesterday. I was downtown to buy a birtday present for E.'s mother. I found a very nice Swatch. I stopped at a cafe and I ordered a huge cake with a cup of coffee and I ate everything. There was nothing left on my plate.Extra for you. And afterwords I bought a few pralines. It was not vegan. That's true. But I enjoyed it and I sent my thoughts to you. Thanks.

Sergio said...

Good for you! Good food is too delicious to be worried about.