Saturday, January 31, 2009

I enjoyed it. What? My morning practice, of course.

My body felt great this morning. Zero alcohol IS good for the body. My forward bending were deep. I could reach the wrist in marichyasana c and d. All the asanas were performed. I connected the asanas with full vinyasas, means I always returned to samasthiti before doing them, like described in the yoga mala by P. Jois.

I paused a bit when I needed a break, but stayed on my mat. Only once E. came into "my yoga room" and sat down on the sofa next to my mat where I practiced. "Sit down on my knee," he said. I couldn't resist such an offer. We talked about the evening yesterday. Death, money, travelling were our topics. Then I continued with my practice.

Urdhva dhanurasana: I did all possible variations. I go to my limits I know this, because when I'm through with all the exercises I am so exhausted that I am close to crying. That's not something that really troubles me. It's only that I see my mental limits. I do what is possible. The body has limits, the mind, too. I was deeper than ever in that pose. My finger could touch my calves when I walked them down on the backside of my legs. I had not the courage to drop back. I dropped back when I was on my knees. Three times I did it. But then I had enough. This evening I will work again on that pose. I am so close to do it. I really leaped ahead.

Wonderful. A few things have changed since my Indian trip. I am stronger now and I do vinyasas also between sides and not only between poses. Strength is as important as flexibility.

Yes, up

It was 6 when I got up. This tells me that my morning routine got stable already. It became easier again to get up early. The Indian food yesterday is still on my belly. My body needs less and less food. I forgive myself that I ordered a dessert yesterday (mango cream) even though I was already full. It was so good.

It's strange, but I have a bit of a headache. There is always somthing. Human people are kept busy with nothing and everything.

Today I want to do my tax declaration. This is important.
There is always this feeling that I have to do too much and that I have to start from point 0.

Friday, January 30, 2009

My last act for today was...

the shower.
My first working week is over. Yes, this is good and I am relieved. Somehow.
I didn't celebrated it with a glass of wine with the Indian food. I only liked the bottles there and this would have been too much. I drank water, that was good, too.
My body should be in best condition tomorrow.
I am sooooo looking forward to my Ashtanga yoga practice.

Friday morning on my mat

If this happens, I am happy. Friday is primary series on the schedule - forward bending. I did the standing sequence and 2 forward bends. I came till trieng mukha eka pada paschimottanasana. Time was limited, and I wanted to do urdhva dhanurasana. The pose could be done nicely when I consider that it was the early morning. 5 times I arched back from standing position. This was supposed to be my preparation for Saturday and Sunday. Then I will again focus on that pose.

My Ashtanga goals have changed. Last year I wanted to do first and second series till the end of the year. This didn't happen. This year I made a modification re my goals. I want to do urdhva dhanurasana, supta kurmasana, better vinyasa (jumping forward and backward between the poses) and bujapidasana. Last pose is insofar interesting as it is neglected and the vinyasa is unique. To go from tittibasana to bekasana and then to jump back is an exciting movement. This is enough what I want to accomplish, but it is less than full second series. To learn new poses takes time, some poses need years.

Back to back bending: Why is it so difficult I wondered yesterday: Each and every person bends forward to pick something up from the floor i.e. We all twist from time to time, when we drive our cars i.e. But we never bend back. When I do back bending, I really do something special.
I wouldn't do it when I hadn't the feeling that it is good for me. I feel how my body becomes open and transparent. I start loving back bending (despite this strange feeling when reaching the limits and despite the mental difficulties to do it.)

I am glad that I was on my mat. I was dawdling a bit. Even this is OK for me now. I can see myself in the window as it is still dark outside when I practice. That way I can adjust myself. For instance I saw this morning that my back is not straight when I go forward into prasarita padottanasana. I don't like this round back. Every pose needs attention. How I love it to work with my body.

It's Friday already. We will meet in an Indian restaurant this evening. Then my first working week is over. Yepeeeeeeeeee.

Thursday, January 29, 2009

Yeah, the evening routine

I picked me up and cleaned the dishes. This is part of the evening routine, too.
Before going home usually I do grocery shopping. It takes time in the evening. Obviously everybody does it at the same time - after work. At home I undress and throw my business clothes in the next corner (Of course not, I put them on a hanger). Then I put on comfortable clothes. Hunger is felt, so I eat. Then I am full and not able to do yoga.
Big washing ceremony is part of the evening routine, blogging, email-checking.
To find the right order is really difficult.

Kitchen is clean, stomach busy to digest best artichockes and German bread. Soon I will find myself under the shower.

3 hour I have available in the evening when I give myself 7 hours of sleep. That's not much.

How my evening routine will look like tomorrow in the evening is clear already: Dinner with friends in an Indian restaurant. It's something I'm looking forward to. Conversation and food - great combination, I think.

Picture: Another impression from my way to the job.

I sandwiched urdhva dhanurasana

UD was again my focus this morning. I did only UD (preparations, variations) in the middle part between standing and closing sequence. It's hard to arch back in the morning. I didn't expect to be as flexible as yesterday evening. It's sure these back bends in the morning prepare the good back bends in the evening.

Savasana: I am glad that I did it. It's part of the sequence. 5 min is not that long and so I tried to relax 5 min on my back. Afterwards I meditated for 10 min, and this was good, too, rather relaxing.

These practices prepare me for the day. Relax I think. Relax.

My morning routine (for Flo):
Up at 5 to 5. Email checking first. On my way to the kitchen to prepare a cup of coffee for myself, I switch on the PC. When I return I can start surfing. I write my journal then.
Between 5:45 and 6:00 I step on my mat. At 7 I have to leave the mat. Meditation must be done within this time span.
Then shower, breakfast, writing my blog, waking up E., making the bed, cleaning the kitchen, dressing till 8.
At 8 I have to leave my home.
I am rather happy with my morning routine. To get up early becomes easier every day. It's a habit. Nothing else. Early to bed (difficult) helps to get up early. It's that simple. :)

Wednesday, January 28, 2009

Aahhhhhh, the group pressure, great

Mysore class this evening: I had several highlights. I summarize it: I had the feeling that many poses improved, even the difficult ones like supta kurmasana. UD was great, too. I could reach my calves with my hands when I arched back. To practice in a group pleases me very much. There is so much more focus. And at the end B. gave me the next pose: bhekasana.

Picture: The road to the company where I work. It has snowed, everything was white.

(Bed time already, posts become shorter, spare time, too)

I am modest for a while

I sleep better now, because I am so exhausted in the evening. It's the sleep of the exhausted people that I have.
I dreamed this night: Somehow I had to return to a table in a beer garden, because I had forgotten my camera. When I arrived at the table I saw it still on the table. I had feared it was already stolen. I took it. I realized that it was not my camera, but another one. Firstly I thought: It's OK, then I will take this one. The people who sat at the table told me that this camera was cheaper than mine. No, I thought, I don't want a cheap camera, I don't want a camera that is cheaper than mine was. Then the dream was over.

I practiced: Whatever I do is OK. I have to get used to practice so early. I did the suryas, standing poses and then urdhva dhanurasana again. The body is stiff. Back bending is hard in the morning. My body shall get used to do it every morning now. I did the closing sequence. That was it.
Three times a week I will have time for a long and intensive practice. This is this evening (Mysore class with B.) and Saturday and Sunday. During the week in the early morning I will practice and enjoy what will happen without this ambition that I usually know. Due to my healthy lifestyle my body feels good.

Time flies. I have to stop writing. Today is my 3rd working day. Not that I am counting.......

Tuesday, January 27, 2009

I survived......


....the second day. I exaggerate. Really. I exaggerate, but this does not mean that 8 hours at the office are not enough for me. It is enough. I don't intend to work overtime if not necessary, even though I get paid for it. I need time for myself.

Today my bf plays soccer, I have space enough to do some asanas - back bending perhaps. And I have time to meditate. Not to accomplish anything. Only to see that there is a thinking mind, that is active all the time. It is not necessary to take all these upcoming thoughts too seriously.

Yepeee, I am at home. Shall I count how much money I have already earned? I am looking forward to next Monday, I want to take another picture of the treeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.
Picture: German employees on their way to work. It's much colder outside of Munich than in Munich. When I jump out of the S-Bahn I see even snow, it's that cold.

The breath ushered me through my practice

The first surya namaskara A was difficult. Only the tips of my fingers could reach the floor. Quickly this got better and soon the flat hand touched the floor.

In the middle part of the Ashtanga series I focused only on urdhva dhanurasana. I did different variations and felt stiff. This back bending brings me close to crying. "This is supposed to be fun for you," I tell myself. It could be good to do this pose a bit more detached. Just doing it, like a duty, without emotions (I want it so badly) is perhaps a good idea.
Savasana was my last post. It's important to be able to relax.

After my practice I did pranayama, a few rounds only and then I meditated. After 6 min I opened my eyes and I left my Indian mat. Finished.

I do everything to have a good practice in the morning. I try to have enough sleep. Yesterday I was in bed before 10 o'clock. During the day I eat healthy (fruits, vegetables, salad). I drink water, no coffee, only in the morning I prepare 2 cups of black coffee for myself. In the evening I don't drink a "little" glass of wine to relax. And I breathe deeply. Ahhhhhhhhh.

Today is the second working day. I hope that I find the office room, I have such a bad orientation. Yesterday I didn't find the exit. Yeah, the first days in a new company are not that easy.

Monday, January 26, 2009

The tree Jan 09

The picture is taken this morning close to the company where I will spend the next 14 months (hopefully). I want to take a picture of this tree 15 times. Then the project will be over. Shooting time is every first working day of each month.

It was a good day. My working place is calm and modern. The colleagues are very friendly. And I do not have the feeling that they confuse me with a citron, that they want to press. It was a good start.

An almost sleepless night, it was predictable

Of course I got up at 5. I prepared a cup of coffee for myself, wrote my journal and at 6 I was on my mat. I did more than only the suryas. My body was willing. I did all the standing poses and a few forward bendings. I've lost the feeling for time. That's why I couldn't do so many asanas. But beside the forward bendings, I did the balancing poses, a twist, headstand, an inversion and upward facing dog was my back bending. I had a balanced practice. No ud today. Tomorrow the feeling for time will be better already. So I will be able to do more.
I wanted to meditate as well. I did this after my yoga practice. "You deserve 5 min relaxing pose", I told myself after I had finished meditation.

My neighbour with the red hair is still standing at the window sipping a beverage (probably a coffee) and smoking a cigarette. It is as if nothing has changed.

What has changed is my job. It's a journey into the unknown today. This evening I know more.

Sunday, January 25, 2009

Focus was urdhva dhanurasana

I started with the surya namaskaras as usual to warm up my body. The breathing is much more even when I do surya namaskara b than it was months ago. I can match the breathing with the movement. To accomplish this I have to move a bit faster than I do when I do surya namaskara a.

After the standing poses I worked on urdhva dhanurasana.
Reluctance was felt again, but I had a good idea how to conquer it. I laid down on my back and imagined myself doing urdhva dhanurasana in the green Australian jungle with my red yoga clothes on. I made the inner picture big, colorful. I could hear the birds singing songs. It was easy to do the pose, it looked so beautiful. I felt so flexible. I imagined this so long till I really wanted to do it in reality. Make the think comes true, I thought.

I practiced different variations:
1. I lifted myself up from lying on my back. A strap around my legs kept those parallel. Firstly I did it 3 times rather fast (inhaling up, exhaling down, .....). Then I went up and held the pose. Each time when I lifted myself up I walked the hands a bit closer towards the feet.
2. Then I stood up, put my hands in prayer pose in front of the chest and arched back. Breathing was the focus and to relax the back so that I could arch a bit more and again a bit more.
3. Then I arched back and walked my hands along the back of my legs. I reached the hollows of my knees, I want to reach the calves. I tried to relax and to breath deeply.
4. I knelt down again and arched back. Also today I could conquer the fear and I dropped back, till my hands reached the floor (and not the head). 3 times I repeated this. I started sweating, I couldn't make a distinction if I sweated because of the fear or because the exercise was so exhausting. Oh, yeah, my legs are a bit sore from my attempts a few days ago.
5. Then I stood up again, buh. I tried it again while standing. But fear was there. No way to drop back.
6. During meditation at the end of my practice I heard a slogan that I can use as a mantra: Drop back and your hands will hold you, drop back and your hands will hold you, drop back........
7. Paschimottanasana was done at the end, oh, was it difficult to bend forward.

Closing sequence relaxed me. And then I did relaxing pose. This pose is very important. To relax is an ability. I was calm today.

I plan to repeat back bending this evening. I'm so hot to do this pose. It almost drives me crazy.

Oh, oh, oh,

I know that I will get up at 5 a.m. tomorrow, but how I shall manage it, I don't know yet. It's 10 now. It was late when I went to bed yesterday, after midnight. I watched: I am a celebrity, get me out of here. The 78 year old woman became the jungle queen. This astonished me. She was my favourite, too, but I thought people would vote for the sexy transsexual lady. I admired the attitude of the old lady: there was no complaining, she did what had to be done. Bravely she ate the cangaroo testicles to get all the food. It could be seen that it was difficult, that she had to vomit, but she gulped it down. Her approach to life could be a model for my next months (and I don't have to gulp cangaroo testicles in my new job).

It was all so perfect: I could watch the programme till the end and from today on I can go to bed early: I plan 9:30, later it will be 10, so that I have 7 hours of sleep. This should be enough.

My plans are modest: I will be happy with a few surya namaskaras in the early morning, but I am sure I will do a bit more than this. I am cuious if my neighbour is still up so early, smoking her cigarette.

I am looking forward to tomorrow. I am motivated.
And I want to travel to India this year, to Mumbai.

Saturday, January 24, 2009

Like every Saturday...

I went to the bakery to buy some "Brötchen". When I returned I opened my mailbox and found this beautiful postcard from C there. Now I know it, I won't give up collecting postcards so soon.

So it is.....

Every yoga session is unique.
I wanted to repeat the back bending from yesterday, but today my body was stiff.
Like yesterday, I went straight to urdhva dhanurasana after the standing sequence. Not only my body was stiff, mentally it was difficult to do this pose. I was so reluctant. Nevertheless I could convince myself to do it. I arched back from standing pose as well and tried to hold the pose long, while breathing deeply.
Summary: The pose is very volatile. Motivation is still high. I want to give it another try later today.
I think now that it would have been better to do the whole first series. But now it's over.
Very good is that I got a glimpse yesterday that it can happen, that I will be able to do this pose (one day, perhaps soon, it is within grasp) .
Damned. To practice without expectations would have been better.

I must buy some bread now so that we can have breakfast.

Friday, January 23, 2009

I did pranayama and I meditated

Silence. Only sitting. Observing the thoughts, that come and go. This is nowadays a joy for me.
(mmhhh, among other things)

Wanted to write more, but as soon as I left my Indian blanket, I realized that it was already late. Must dress quickly now to be ready when E. will pick me up from home. Dinner with friends in the Greece restaurant is on the schedule.

Picture: It's the last one of the series. What a beauty.

For Monxo from the Bronx

You just gave me a good reason to publish another postcard of my collection.
It would be great if we became more who respect the lives of animals.

Our relatives

Now I visualize it - wheel - inhaling - up

On my practice today: It was one of the last practices where I didn't have to look at my watch during a weekday. I waited till it was the early afternoon to have a flexible body.
I did the suryas a and b and the standing sequences. Then urdhva dhanurasana was my focus, nothing else. I feel so close to be able to do it now. But the little step that is still missing seems to be very crucial. Nevertheless a big step forward was done today.

Was it really possible, that I dropped back while on my knees? It was possible and hands arrived the floor and could prevent that the head touched the floor. I have still Adrenalin in my blood, I'm trembling. Now I am hot to do this pose, hot to come up and drop down while standing.

Pranayama and meditation now, to cool down.

Picture: It's a postcard from South Africa. I have a huge collections of postcards.

Just for fun

I bought this postcard in South Africa. Elephants, my favourite animals. I like all animals, but elephants perhaps a tiny little bit more.

I read: The African Elephant is the largest land mammal in the world. Big bulls can weigh up to 7000 kg and reach a height of 3-4 metres at the shoulder. They consume up to 300 kg of fodder daily.

Last Friday at home

Up at 8, this was not so bad. I prepared a cup of coffee for myself and sat down at the table in the kitchen. My eyes were not yet ready to do anything, they hurt a bit. It was a bit early for them.

Usually I drink my first cup of coffee while checking my emails. It was so meditative to sit in the kitchen this morning, doing nothing, but sitting and drinking black coffee. It was silent. From time to time E. stopped at the table and sipped from my coffee.

I will enjoy this last day at home. It will end with a dinner with friends in "our" Greece restaurant. Late at night I will watch:"I am a celebrity, get me out of her."

I make such a fuss, because I start working again on Monday after 7 months, it starts getting embarrassing.

B's birthday party

We all had a wonderful evening in a nice restaurant.
Most amazing was that the mother of B., age 77 made phone calls from time to time with her mobile phone: business phone calls. She is still the owner of a drivers licence school and very successful with it.
Work is part of life and I am convinced it can be satisfying to work.
It's "only" important to find the right "activity", the right place.

Thursday, January 22, 2009

On liberation á la Balsekar


"Liberation is the total, final understanding in the heart that there is no doer, no experiencer."
(Who Cares? by Ramesh S. Balsekar, page 47)
"I repeat: Freedom from the sense of personal doership means loss of freedom for the ego. And that is the confusion, because there is still this identification of the ego with this body-mind organism called Ashika. The ego still remains and feels terribly restricted." (page 53)
"That is the final conclusion you come to! nothing really matters." (page 57)

"There is only doing - happening - no individual doer!" (page 63)

To witness what is happening is the only thing we can do. This is the liberation.
This is Mr Ramesh S. Balsekar. Picture is found on his book on Sri Nisargadatta Maharaj "Pointers".

Do I get to know myself when I do Ashtanga yoga?

I don't know.

There seems to be an agreement among the masters:
You are not your body.
You are not your thoughts.
You are not your feelings.
You are pure consciousness.

First find out what you are not. Find out what remains.
Will the practicing of asanas help to know what I am not?
Or do the asanas only prepare me for meditation?
There are more questions than answers.

PS: Ashtanga yoga is not only asanas. Ashtau means Eight. Usually one speaks of the eight limbs of Ashtanga yoga: Yama, niyama, asanas, pranayama, pratyahama, dharana, dhyana, samadhi.
(I know, to use these sanskrit words is awful.)

PSS: I have not seen one single person who got "enlightend" because of practicing yoga. Practicing yoga might have an influence on the health, it might influence the psyche for the better as well. For a deeper understanding of this world and oneself other gurus must be asked (my humble opinion):
My favourite men with great answers are: Ramesh S. Balsekar, Osho, Jed McKenna.

Signed

Contract is read, last questions could be cleared: I signed it.
I will have luncheon with the ladies form the recruitment firm. They are both very nice people.

Between lunch and dinner must be time for my yoga practice.
In the evening I am invited to a birthday party by my friend B..

Up at 8.

Do I have jet lag or what?

Wednesday, January 21, 2009

Flow, flow, flow

We were 2 strong men and me in the Mysore class at B's little shala. The men didn't sandwich me. I could of course also write: As usual I had my favourite place next to the door. OK, we were 3 people, 2 were stiff, 1 flexible, but I don't write who was the flexible person in the group.

I am so thankful to have this Mysore class with B.. I missed it. At least once a week I need it.
The adjustments were great. I loved it to have a concentrated practice. I am fed up with my strolls during my practice. It is possible for me to practice the whole series, that's what I saw today again.

Urdhva dhanurasana: Better, better. I still need about 4 days (or less) till I will drop back on my own. Oh, just a joke. But perhaps it will happen sooner than I dare to imagine. Focus for the next 4 days will be this most exciting pose with the lovely name urdhva dhanurasana. Smile.

PS: Pashasana was better, too.

PSS: Time to watch: I am a celebrity, get me out of here.

For anonymous D. - on journaling

I got the idea from Julia Cameron. She recommends in all her books to write 3 pages in the morning. That's why she calls them "Morning pages". Her books are not only for artists, but for everybody.

My first 3 morning pages I wrote the 1st January 2000. I write with a pen in a journal. The own handwriting tells me a lot about my feelings, my state of being. Sometimes I cannot even read what I've written, sometimes my handwriting is so clear and simple that I think someone has written them who has just learned to write. Another advantage is that you can take your journal with you in a cafe for instance. You can write where ever you are. And: If you don't write with a pen from time to time you will also loose this ability. It's an important aspect.

What I like about it? I started writing because of a personal crisis. Does something like a "personal crisis" exist, I just wonder. Please start writing when you feel absolutely happy.
During the 8 years of daily writing I faced difficult life situations, but most life situations were more than pleasant. Writing helps me to make difficult situation easier, because the writing process helps me to understand. Solutions often arise at the horizon. It helps me to make pleasant events even more pleasant, because when writing it down it is as if the event happens a second time.
Writing helped me to see some peculiarities of my conditioning. In sum it made me happier. Amazing is that I got bored to write down what bothered me during a day. I prefer to write what is funny and interesting. It's a cleaning process for the soul, like a shower.

I have a special journal. At the end of every month I write on one page what happened:
For January 2009 this will look like that:
- got new job in an American company for 14 months, I am curious and excited
- joined facebook
- struggle with urdhva dhanurasana
- With E. and me is everything OK.
- Like watching: I am a celebrity, get me out of here.
- General feeling: optimistic, powerful

That way I have an overview. All these keywords tell me something. In case that I want to reread something I'd find it. You can perhaps imagine that I have already a lot of full journals on my shelf. I never wanted to reread anything, only the book with the monthly page I open sometimes. Then I think, OMG, how exciting is my life, always something new happens.

There are a lot of topics, I don't want to write publicly and I think I also shouldn't do this. Soon I will get to know new colleagues, I like to write about people, but it is not my right to do this publicly.

I don't want to miss my morning pages. They turned me from a late riser to an early riser. Firstly I wrote these pages, later I added my yoga practice. Both help me to manage my life in a smarter and more elegant way than I would be able without these tools.

Try it, you won't regret it, it's an inner journey, a journey to yourself.

PS: Please don't write only when you feel bad. Write when you feel fantastic, even though you need some discipline to do so. If you don't write about nice events you will soon get the feeling that your whole life is difficult. So do yourself the favour write about all aspects of your life.

Another trap: Know: to live is more important than to write.

Sleeping sickness

Sleeping sickness, we have it. We do not find the way out of the bed in the morning. I wanted to get up every day a bit earlier so that the difference to Monday won't be too huge. But I sleep and sleep and sleep.

Now I am up and at present:
I need a bulb, I have to buy a new akku for my mobile phone.
I have to do my accounting 2008 (I'm sure I mentioned this already)
This evening I will go to a Mysore class.
If everything is done in the evening, I am glad.

Tuesday, January 20, 2009

I practiced and sweated

It was a great practice. Back bending asanas were done today, breathing was the focus.
I knew that the last pose, the relaxation pose will become more and more important in regard to my new challenges. So I set my timer for 5 min (only) and tried to relax. I had to realize how difficult it is for me to relax even after an exhausting practice.

A note on virabadrasana a and b: The poses have almost the same name, but they are totally different asanas. Virabadrasana a is a balancing pose in combination with a slight back bending. Virabadrasana b is a balancing pose in combination with hip opening.

Time to dress, time to see a friend.
I wished I had still some time to meditate, but I am already a bit in a hurry.

PS: Greetings to my reader from Spain. :)

On a fulfilled life

Reflections on my new job: Isn't it a fulfilled life when we can live according to our abilities? I think that's what a fulfilled life is - to live according the own abilities. These vary from person to person.
For me it is not enough to stay at home doing the laundry and to schlep my body once a day to the yoga mat. In sum I am looking forward to my new job. I like to be challenged.
I am glad that I found this attitude.

Busy, busy

I managed it to be at the authorities before closing time, which is at noon. If I were there in the morning, waiting time would have been shorter. but so I had time to think about my yoga practice. It's energy work, I thought. Focus, breath, concentration is more important than the next asana. The asanas improve when practiced daily. In my age the progress comes slower, but I do not have to prove anything. I have time. My weakest point is that I am so easily distracted. My intention for my practice today is focus on the breath.
Then it was my turn. I applied for the police clearance certificate. Within 1 min I was out of the office again, I had to pay 13 Euro and that was it.

It's between snow and rain, which came down from the sky. I had my umbrella with me and went to the post office to mail my letter to the tax office. This is done now, too.

I found a birthday present for my dear friend B.. On Wednesday I'm invited for a party. She wanted an egg-timer and I found a very beautiful one.
The reservation for Friday in our Greece restaurant is made, too. We'll meet friends there.
My working contract arrived. Now I can sign it. I will make another appointment with the ladies from the recruitment firm to return the signed contract. I will invite them for dinner. I know they like it.

Time for yoga.
At five I will meet another friend in "our" Italian restaurant. What a life.
I'm prolific today, I like it. Energy level is high. I feel powerful. :)

Monday, January 19, 2009

Late I was on my mat and practiced

I had the feeling that my body was rather flexible. Forward bending seemed to be rather good. I did not do every asana of the first series. I don't care. My body feels good now, it got it's stretching. I even sweated a lot.
Tomorrow is another day, but also tomorrow I won't practice in the morning. I have to go to the authorities to request for a police clearance certificate. Afterwards I will have time to practice.

Stress level goes up already, due to my new job:
What can I do, I wonder to feel more relaxed?
- I already adjusted my evening routine to the new life rhythm that will come soon. Big body washing ceremony is now in the evening.
- I have to get up a bit earlier every day. Tomorrow it shall be 7 a.m. Soon it will be 5 a.m.
- I try to imagine my new routines: up at 5, coffee and journaling till 5:45, yoga till 7, shower and meditation till 7:30, till 8 I must be dressed, because at 8 I must close the front door from outside. That's it.
- To go through accounting vocabulary would be good, too. I've already started with it.
- I also must instruct my bf to go to bed silently, because I will go to bed much earlier than he.
- OMG is that all exciting again.

Thinking.......

Is there any reason for stress?
My letter to the tax office is written. I only have to mail it.
I have still time to file my tax declaration 2008 within this week.
Laundry is done, grocery shopping, too. Coffee for the next week is most important.

Working contract will arrive tomorrow probably. Then I can make an appointment with the ladies from the recruitment company. I have to await the mail tomorrow.

The evenings on Tuesday, Wednesday, Friday are already planned: meeting friends, yoga.

I still need a birthday present for B.

Yoga? I can still practice. It's not yet dark here.

Main activity for tomorrow: Taxes 2008

Late riser for another week

I don't get up early, when I do not have to. I am a night owl by nature. I like to be up till after midnight. This makes it difficult to get up early.
To set the alarm clock is like a joke. I switch it off and go on sleeping.

Now it's 10.
It's OK, as it is my last week at home and I will enjoy everything.

Primary series today. ahhhhh.

Sunday, January 18, 2009

Sunday is back bending day

I practiced. Today I came till kapotasana.
It was very good that I didn't make these famous breaks, where I stroll around in my room. I remained on my mat. When I felt exhausted, I stopped till I wanted to go on, but I remained on my mat. Once my bf wanted a kiss me, I interrupted my practice, but I think this was OK.

From ushtrasana on I used a strap around my legs to keep them parallel. That way I cannot cheat myself. I repeated ushtrasana twice. Repetition is good. The second time the pose is usually better than the first time. I tried a modification. I stretched one arm in direction of the wall. Then the other arm. I think this is a good preparation for kapotasana. I got this idea in the new book by Sweeney
Kapotasana: I pushed myself up from the floor first. Today I also arched backwards from kneeling position. My hands touched the wall behind me. I stayed a bit, but only a bit. To stay longer and to breathe deeply is what I intent (next time).
I had to persuade myself to do urdhva dhanurasana. The pose is more stable now than it used to be. I stayed longer in this pose than usual. I walked the hands towards the feet. I held the pose as long as I could. Then I arched back from standing pose. No way to drop back on my own. Don't worry, be happy.

Relaxing pose: I set my timer for 5 min. Tomorrow I will set it for 10 min. The ability to relax is important, especially when I think of my new job.

Up, and

I enjoy it that I can crawl out of my bed well rested. It's late, I don't care now anymore, no guilt anymore. This will soon have an end.

Most important today: Bf must help me to copy my accounting software to the new PC.
All other activities are of minor importance.

Time to write my private journal, practicing yoga will follow. My focus when I do yoga will be a sense of effortlessness, a relaxed face.

Smile consciously:

A movie-house usher was astonished to see a big, brown bear sitting in the front row, munching peanuts.

'Say, you!' he shouted. 'You're a bear! What are you doing in here?

''Well, I enjoyed the book so much,' replied the bear, 'I wanted to see the picture too!'
Osho

Saturday, January 17, 2009

Does Ashtanga yoga make me quiet and peaceful? (part 7)


Oh no, not necessarily.
Can, but can not, too. Like everything else. Very diplomatic answer.
I start with myself.
What has changed in my life since I do Ashtanga yoga:
- I have one topic more to talk about.
- I don't start working for companies, before I haven't done my yoga practice in the morning.
- I got more flexible (that's for sure).
- I got strong (that's for sure).
- I started this blog to keep me motivated (beside it's good for my English)
- I met wonderful new people in the Ashtanga community.
- I started meditating, which I consider as a logical consequence deriving from the asana practice.
Did I get calmer, or friendlier, or more attentive or less distracted because of my yoga practice? I don't know.
And what has changed in your life since you practice Ashtanga yoga?
I just remembered a compliment of the last year. My last boss told me: If I were you I were ill already (due to the stress). Inside I smiled and thought: That's what my yoga practice has done to me. (But is this true? Oh, I don't want to be such an awful doubter right now, yes, this was because of my daily yoga practice. I could handle stress without getting ill, great.)
Another real good thing intensive yoga practice can do I heard from Danny Paradise. Of course it is not a guarantee. Let me formulate it carefully. Yogis tend to have a quick death.
An intensive life and a quick death, that's it.
(Blogger does not allow me to make paragraphs, right now this drives me crazy. Form is important, presentation is everything. Perhaps I should do an asana, a forward bending one, to calm me down.)

A plan

What has to be done? Or what can be done?

Today:
1. It's still cleaning time here.
2. As a preparation for my new job, I can go through finance vocabulary. I like to do things like that.
3. To buy some vegetables for the dinner tomorrow. I want to cook.
4. Today I am invited for dinner. :) Oh, my life is hard, I am so busy. (irony)
Sunday:
1. Writing a letter to the tax office
2. Making my bf copying my accounting software to the new PC.
3. When this is done I can start with my tax declaration 2008.
Monday:
1. I have to submit a police clearance certificate to the new company. I have to go to the authorities to file a motion. Best time is the early morning.
2. Focus shall be the tax declaration 2008.
3. Dinner with friends in the evening. (This is fun, a reward)

Must reread this.

Another weekend is here

I am up. The time at home is limited now. I have another week, but then the time where I can loaf the whole day is definite over. I will make a list today what I have to do in this week. It will be a long list, I know it already now. I will also meet a lot of friends. I will be busy.

Seven months I was out of the working process. It was a huge gift.
It is good to play an active role in society, to do something, I know this and at the same time a bit of fear is there, too. But joy and curiosity is there, too. It's a gift that I can work again. I know this. It keeps me young and smart.
The week off is limited, that will intensify the lived time.
The time in the company I will start working for is limited, too. For the next 14 months I will be there. To know that something has an end usually makes it easier to enjoy it.

Time for the second cup of coffee.

I have done nothing to give my life this new direction. It really all happened. I have a website online, that's all. This website exits for some years. I made 1 phone call, yes I think I did this, but that was it. Amazing. Relax and all is coming, I think.

It's cleaning marathon today. I won't be alone. Thanks.

Friday, January 16, 2009

Do I have to practice Ashtanga yoga 7 days a week? (part 6)


or can I rest from time to time?
Oh, it's the tradition to practice 6 times a week. On Saturday is a day off. It's also the tradition to practice not on full moon and not on half moon days.
I guess there are more people who do not follow these rules than those who follow them.
In India I was glad for every day off. I needed it. The practices were so intensive that my body hankered for a day off. My self-practice here in Germany in a cold climate is not so intensive like in India, where I in addition practiced in a group of ambitious Ashtangis. So I interpret these rules more or less as a recommendation and not as an order.
Nevertheless: from time to time a day off or a relaxed practice is very good. After such a relaxing day it might happen that the body is even more flexible.
A daily routine facilitates to find the way to the mat day by day. The Ashtanga series are so demanding that they cry for a daily practice. Ashtanga yoga is nothing that you can do half-hearted. Either you lick blood after a while and you start loving it, then you will soon find yourself daily on a mat, or you give it up. Your heart blood must love it, then there is no way back and one day it might be that you even travel to India to the source. (my humble opinion)

What's so special with Ashtanga yoga? The bandhas (part 5)


The bandhas: In one of my first Ashanga yoga lessons I was taught to use the bandhas. Bandhas? What's that? "Imagine", I heard "you have to pee and there is no restroom, then you use your bandhas in order not to wet your pants. For women it is the floor of the pelvis which is called bandhas. In India the bandhas were called "penis-control". Is it tradition to call the bandhas so, because in former times only men did yoga?
To use your bandhas all the time during your practice is "science fiction", I learned, too.
"Ah", I thought.
Let's approach the bandhas from another side: What is the intention of it? In the book by Carlisi "The only way out is in" I found an answer. The bandhas remind you to be in the here and now. Use them and almost automatically you are in the here and now. He mentioned that it is not necessary to use them all the time.
Nevertheless this answer didn't satisfy me and I went on with my research: In India I found the answer. I asked someone I had a lot of confidence in: He was a doctor, practiced yoga and pranayama for 30 years (he showed me once how he jumped through), he studied the original texts. I asked him about the bandhas: I was told: Use them when you exhale, don't use them when you inhale. This was a precise answer. Now I knew what to do. Point.
This makes so much sense. There must be a precise description I thought all the time. Regarding the bandhas I only heard to use them all the time. There is inhaling and exhaling, forward bending, back bending and so forth. There is to give and to take. Everything is described precisely even where to look at (drishtis). But the information on the bandhas are rudimentary. Not for me now anymore.
Usually when I exhale when I go into an asana, I need stability, protection. Using the bandhas supports this. When I inhale my body is open, I want to stretch, I want to lengthen my body, no bandhas are needed. They might even work against this lengthening movement.
Why is this not taught I asked my Indian teacher: It's lost, this info got lost in teaching.
I think, it's easy to correct a wrong posture, it can be seen. The gaze is seen, the breath can be heard, but the bandhas are inside the body. How to control if a student uses them at all? It's easy to neglect the bandhas.
I use the bandhas when I exhale. My bandhas are loose when I inhale.
Before you protest, please test it only once during your practice. Only once and then reflect about it again.

Next..

...good first impression is made. The 26th January will be my first working day. Yes, the contract is not yet signed. This afternoon will be the very last meeting and then the last decision will be made and on Monday I will have the contract in my mail.

I saw my colleagues today and my working place and another manager. Everything is really OK, fine, nice, positive, whatever.

Hungry, I'm hungry again. For those who do not know what vegan people eat. I will make for myself a risotto (convenient product) with a green salad with dried tomatoes (I will make a sauce with olive oil, citron, salt, pepper and herbs). To stand in front of my oven and to stir the risotto is exactly the right activity that I need now.

Yoga comes later. I feel too hungry. I know this already. Interviews need all my concentration and energy. Afterwards one thought occupies my mind: I want to eat. I want to eat.

Up, yes, (and it's only 6).....

after a night with several interruption. I woke up twice because I feared I wouldn't hear the alarm clock. But I heard it and my legs also found the way out of the bed and to the shower. One of my best habits is the cold shower in the morning. I do it since I'm 19. It really wakes me up and brings me in the here and now. The hot coffee now finishes the wake up ceremony.
Bed is made, too, I find back to my routine.
Today is a good test how far away the company really is. The underground train leaves the main station at 8:20. I will leave my home here at 8. In the morning every 10 min shall come another train. I will check today if this is true. Then I may perhaps take the train at 8:30. Within 30 min I should be in the company.
This is all so exciting. Not the commuting stuff, but what will come. What will I have to do, the new colleagues, everything.

Thursday, January 15, 2009

What's so special with Ashtanga yoga? The dristis (part 4)


I think important is to keep the eyes quit, then comes the gazing point. The effect is that quit eyes calm the mind. When the eyes are quit, the mind is quit, too.
There are different gazing points. The gazing points can influence the posture.
Gazing point is never the neighbour. But to check what your neighbours are doing only shows that you are interested in life in general. So, it's not that bad either.

They want me. :)

They want me.
I just got a phone call. Tomorrow in the morning will be another meeting with another manager. But a decision is made, I was told. In about 14 days I can start working in that company out of Munich.
I said: I want it, too.
I thought the whole day, those who are first will get me. I am so impatient, I cannot wait.
This job means that I will have to work for 12 months in a row without vacations. No trips around the world. Nothing. But after 12 months............

Yes, I am excited, now. It's always the same.
As I am a person with both feet on the earth, I know very well what is important. I face the facts. I need cash. A girl needs cash. And that is what will come in again soon. Sigh.

(PS: I also know that only when the contract is signed I can be sure. I'm optimistic today.)

What's so special with Ashtanga yoga? The ujjayj breathing (part 3)


The correct breathing is more important than being able to do a "difficult" asana, many neglect the breathing (at least this is my observance).
Inhaling is supposed to be as long as exhaling.
The sound that is created while doing ujjayj breathing allows to check the length of the breathing. Listen to the breath helps to be in the moment.
The asanas are held for 5 breaths, it used to be 8 breaths.
The breathing is supposed to match with the movements.
Correct breathing supports doing the asanas.
When the breath is held, it's a sign that a limit is reached.
Breathing makes the Ashtanga series meditative - the series can be easily performed in an even rhythm.
Inhaling, pause, exhaling, pause, inhaling.
Exhaling while forward bending
Inhaling while lengthening the body and while bending back.
The breath is the secret.

Once again on asanas - it's that simple

There are different types of asanas.
The surya namaskaras are movements to make the body warm to avoid injuries. They come first.

Besides this exist:
forward bending asanas
back bending asanas
balancing asanas
twists
reversal asanas (like headstand)

The grade of difficulty might be different.
But that's all.

When you want to create a balanced series for yourself practice all different types of asanas. Twists neutralize asanas. So when you want to do forward bending and back bending in one session, do twists in between. After a deep forward bending a slighter back bending is supposed to follow. The vinyasas in the Ashtanga system guarantee this. That's all you need to know to create your own series. Have fun and don't forget to breathe - deeply.

What's so special with Ashtanga yoga? The asanas (part 2)


In the Ashtanga system exist 6 series. Only a few people of the world are able to do all 6 series. The asanas are very demanding. Each series has different parts. The series start all with the surya namaskaras a and b. The standing poses follow. Then comes the middle part that varies from series to series. The closing sequence is again the same for all the series. Finally the yoginis can relax.
Most Ashangis struggle with the first two series. I did yoga for decades before I discovered Ashtanga yoga, but I thought I've never done anything with my body when I started with Ashanga yoga. The asanas of the Ashtanga yoga system are rather demanding. The vinyasas between the asanas make the series not easier. This might be a reason why there is so much focus on the asanas.
The series do not change much, but they've changed even in the last years. Some asanas were omitted (2 forms of paschimottanasna), others were added like urdhva dhanurasana in the first series.
In former times the first and the second series were taught almost simultaneously.
Nowadays first the first series must be performed correctly, including urdhva dhanurasana before the second series is taught. This evokes a lot of discussion and sometimes even dissatisfaction in the community. In shalas yogis are asked to stop when they are not able to do an asana, even though asanas follow that the yogi is able to do. Not everybody likes this.
I am too lazy to write more about the asanas. In addition I think the focus should be more the breathing. But me too I'm very much focused on the asanas. The challenge is to be patient. When a pose can be done, the next pose comes that cannot be done. And so it goes on and on.
When people say that they do yoga, they usually say that they do asanas.
There are series in other yoga systems, too. For a long time I did the sequence of Rishikesh.
More special for Ashtanga yoga are other parts: the breathing i.e., .......
.......to be continued.

I didn't like to miss the opportunity for a long practice

I practiced. Today is my back bending day. It was an intensive practice. The great surprise happened when I did pashasana. I could even hook the fingers. I remained in this pose and breathed deeply. I gained a few inches. When my fingers are hooked it's easier to try to bring the feet to the floor. But till I will be on my flat feet it will take some time.

I did ushtrasana twice to have a good preparation for urdhva dhanurasana.
I wanted to stay in ud as long as possible. So I pressed myself in this pose and remained and breathed deeply. 12 months ago the pose was not so advanced as it is now. I must see this.
I also arched back from standing pose and tried to remain as long as possible. With each breath my body arched back a bit more. The gravity really helps. I started sweating and my heart beat faster when I did this pose.
Only slowly I could do paschimottanasana after these deep back bending.

Whatever, however. It's always good when doing some asanas, some vinyasas, deep breathing.

What's so special with Ashtanga yoga? The vinyasas (part 1)


The vinyasas: The vinyasas connect the asanas. In it's classic form it is more or less a sun salutation. One speaks about full vinyasas and half vinyasas. Full vinyasa means that one starts from samsthiti and finishes the asana with samasthiti. Half vinyasa means that one returns always to a sitting pose to begin the next asana. I am a fan of full vinyasas.
To come to a sitting position from downward dog is not that easy. There are different possibilities: it can be done with legs crossed or with straight legs.
There exist different vinyasas. To go from tittibasana to bakasana and then to chaturanga dandasana is another one. It's only an example. Vinyasas connect the asanas, sometimes the classic connection must be modified.
In the Yoga Mala by P. Jois (the bible for the first series) the first series is described with full vinyasas. In most shalas, even in the shala in Mysore the yoginis practice half vinyasas.
Strength: The vinyasas build strength. Counter poses are done. Body control is learned. This is so good for daily life. I've no problems to lift my heavy suitcase, I open every jar. I don't have to ask for help anymore.
The vinyasas can be adapted to the ability of the student. There is much flexibility how to do it. At least they should be done between the asanas, between the sides is not necessary when the student is not able to do it. (I've heard so.)

Only one knitting project is left

This was hard work. I threw away 2 knitting projects. I remembered the hours I have already put into it. And the wool was so expensive. These knitting projects bum around for years in my wardrobe. A slight feeling of relief can already be felt now where they are gone.

A candle had to go, too, I broke the candle holder a few weeks ago. I won't substitute it, I have enough other candle holders.

Do I have the energy to go through my scarves? Yes, I have.

Reduction

I just reduced my table clothes to 7 pieces for 1 table. Sigh.
I work on my wool now and my knitting projects. What to keep, what to discard? When I keep a knitting project I have to finish it. Point. Be radical, I think, don't burden yourself with unfinished projects, with wool, and learn only to buy what you need and what you can handle. Away with the rest. Yes, this wool was expensive and it's beautiful wool, but it's too much. To let go, to have space and to be light-hearted is better than to have a collection of almost everything.

Up at seven,

and I woke up before the alarm clock told me to get up. This tells me something. All these interviews and what might follow is more exciting than I want to admit. A "yes" of one of the companies means that I will spend most of my time there.

The situation:
When I get a "no" from both companies, I will have to go on with my activities, like writing to ads in the newspaper, or putting an ad in it myself. I can talk to people and so on.
If I get a "no" from one company and a "yes" from the other company, I have an easy situation. I take what I get.
The problem is when I get a "yes" from both companies. Is that likely? The one company hesitated to hire me. It seemed firstly as if I should start working already on Monday. But then the tax adviser was supposed to do 2 further interviews. Their problem with my CV is that I've changed jobs so often. In the other company this is exactly what qualifies me. Quickly I shall overtake the work of the colleagues and that's what I had to do every time when I changed jobs.

Time for yoga. How I love it. I have really another day where I can work on my poses as long as I can and want. It's a gift from heaven.

Wednesday, January 14, 2009

TV yoga

You don't know what this is? I know.
It's sitting on the floor in front of the TV. Then doing asanas. Especially the forward bending poses are suitable: paschimotanasana, ardha baddha padma paschimottanasana and so on. Asana can be hold as long as wished. Dristhi is the TV.
TV-yoga is still possible today, but nothing else.

Picture: The picture is also related to my past. During my first years in Berlin I had a flat with a tile stove. In order to heat I had to buy coal and logs. In the shop on the picture I bought these ingredients. How I appreciate my heater here.

(Finally again a post on yoga. Sigh, I'm so distracted.)

They are not forgotten either


Sometimes on a Sunday my grandpa used to gather all his grandchildren (5) around him. Then we all painted together. He was a painter. He made a line, we all looked and then copied it. Then my grandpa made the next line and all his grandchildren copied it again. When the picture was ready, 6 different picture existed. It was a lot of fun and perhaps it's from him that I have a creative part.

My grandma learned till late in her life. Over 60 already she learned to swim and to drive a car. Once she told me that she'd love to speak English.

To speak a foreign language is really fun, I am so glad that I had the opportunity to learn English and French.

There is a feeling attached to every thing

And there is a need for everything. Before watching jungle camp yesterday, I saw a little documentary on messies. Shocking. One woman was not able to throw away a broken clock. The houses of these messies or hoarders were garbage places, nothing else. I don't talk badly about other people. I admire the courage to make this compulsory habit public. It can be the first step to attack this emotional problem.

One thing became sure for me. My decluttering process will go on. I just went through my teas and I could throw away at least 7 tea bags. I also said good-bye to that vase I got before Christmas from a shop. I don't need it. I just threw away the book on a fat woman who struggles to loose weight. I'm not fat, I am the one who can give hints as I am slim. Away with it. There is still a lot to do. Action. Action.

Oh, I'm always so hungry afterwards

Everything went well, very well. Nevertheless, these interviews need all my energy. I'm done.
At home I prepared for myself vegetable spring rolls with a green salad and mushrooms. Now I'm no more hungry, but the energy is still not back.
I'm very optimistic that I get that job. I also asked if I could come at 9:30. They accepted. Smile. Then I will have time for yoga in the morning, despite the commuting time, which is about 40 min one way.
In the beginning of next week I will get the answers. I will get 2 answers on Monday. So the beginning of next week is rather exciting.

I had so nice words for my blog in my mind, but now I'm empty. One thing I remember. It's not beautiful to mix the languages. It's very much the custom here to use English words when speaking German. I do it much too often. An example: one woman said: Wir haben eine Legal-Abteilung. I do not even know how to write it. In German language we have a nice word for it: Rechtsabteilung.

Time to clean the kitchen.
Bf is probably already in England. He will stay till Friday night. I will have to watch TV the disgust-programme alone. It's also fun to watch it alone.

"You don't wake me up anymore."


That's true. Sometimes I sleep even longer than my bf and this is difficult. Today we both slept too long again. OMG every day the same story. It was 9 when we got up, the alarm clock was set at 6. But perhaps I need this sleep.
I know I need a lot of time when I am in the phase to apply for jobs. My unconsciousness works and delivers solutions. The job that I applied for the day before yesterday doesn't seem so attractive to me anymore. I heard too often that the boss is difficult. That's no fun.
Today I have another interview. The issue here is that it is outside of Munich, which means long commuting time. The other issue is that I won't do a job that does not allow me to practice in the morning. So yesterday I talked to the company that offered me the job. "Do you think", I asked, "I could possibly start working between 9 and 10 o'clock?" (Thank you unconsciousness, a good idea.) They considered it possible. The job is limited for a year, which is good, too, because then I can have a few months off again afterwards. (India I'm coming.) It's so difficult to make the best decision. That's why I need time. I stroll around here like a lion in the cage but I know that my unconsciousness is working for me when I do this.
Picture (on the right side stands): I will do much to achieve eternal youth, except sports and to get up early.

Tuesday, January 13, 2009

"This is my day today", I thought


But it was not my day. I had not the courage to drop down into urdhva dhanurasana from standing pose. The arch was better, I think, a bit better perhaps, but who knows. Feelings can cheat. The struggle for this pose goes on.
The main issue is not this ud pose. It's the discontentment and the distraction (d+d). More fun and more focus (f+f) is what I need.
I know very well, that once I drop back, of course I will have a feeling of joy. Perhaps I even might become a bit megalomaniac and I will think: Ha, everything is possible for me.
But soon after another wish will come up, then I will probably wish to be able to come up from this pose and so on. So nothing has changed except the challenge or the pose. And the pose is not so important, but important is the attitude. I recommend to myself f+f.

Pablo, how can you?

It's a Picasso. This picture fell into my hands this morning while flipping through my old postcards and pictures. Life has obviously different aspects.
It's a really motivating picture, but motivating for what?

My feeling just said me..

....that it is not sensitive enough to publish these nice Turkish girls and in the next post a picture by Picasso, also very lively and intensive. But there must come something in between. There must be a cut. This post is the cut.

I could write about my next interview, I could write about Ashtanga tradition or that I start feeling hungry...........

It was a series of three pictures

I couldn't make a decision. Why not publish all of them.

The Turkish girls


I will keep my postcards and my pictures

I took this picture in Istanbul, Turkey, 25 years ago. My impression: The Turkey has changed.
I did a lot of black/white pictures.

Monday, January 12, 2009

OK,

before I left the house I thought it could be possible that I would have to work tomorrow morning. This is now not the case. I can do yoga tomorrow morning as long as I like. The interview was good. My expertise is sufficient. Nevertheless they wanted him (the tax adviser) to talk to 2 further accountants. It's OK for me. One more time I've heard that the boss is difficult (How resilient are you?). However the outcome is, it's the best for me, I know this. And on Wednesday I have the next interview in a company. There are advantages and disadvantages, too. Such is life. Paradise means that hell exists, too.

I'm ready, too early as usual

My shoes are clean.
Business cards are handy.
I put make up on my face not too much, but a bit.
I sprinkled perfume (Zen) on my neck.
My hair is open.
My glasses are cleaned.
I'm ready.

I sit here, as always I'm ready too early. I have to wait another 30 minutes till it makes sense to leave the house. It would have been good to read tax laws today, but I preferred to do yoga. Today I will speak with someone with expertise. This makes the interview more difficult, more exciting. Perhaps it's fun. I like to meet new people. Yeah, I think right now I found the right attitude. Still 20 minutes till I will leave the house.

A late practice

I practiced late, but it was an intensive practice. For the time being I'm not able to do every vinyasa and every asana of the first series. I feel too weak for it. When I give the idea up to have a perfect practice I feel good and more is possible than I thought it would be.

The standing poses were all done. I think that trikonasana is an underestimated pose. It is a rather difficult pose.
I bent forward and tried to keep the chest open. Monday is the forward bending day.
The breath was my focus, I focused to match the breathing with the movement. I think this is more important than the perfect pose.
Mari c and d: I reached the wrist on both sides. Ambitious made me doing it. My face is probably not relaxed when I do it.

Urdhva dhanurasana was done, too. When I can stretch the arms I am happy and I could stretch them. I also arched back from standing position.

My practice helped me to forget the interview that I will have in about 2 hours. I'm rather nervous. I have palpitations. I have still some time. I will use it for meditation. I'm so nervous. It's awful. Heart be quit, cool down. Every outcome is fine.

Enough now,

do something prolific .....

Here is another great-grandmother and me

I can remember her also very well. She could see into the future. This picture is also more than 43 years old.

I must be fair

Here is my grandma decades younger than on the last picture. She loved to go by bicycle, even in winters.

A view in the future


That's my grandma on her 100th birthday. She lived 3 more years.
Till the end she loved cakes and sweets. Oh, I think she has very beautiful skin.
When the younger generation will be so old, more people will reach such an age, but nowadays this is still rare. She has had a fulfilled life. I appreciate the emerald surrounded with diamonds that she gave me.

"Be in the present"



Thank you Osho for the reminder. The past is over and I will stop flipping through my old pictures right now.

The future has not yet come. That's true, too. It's not worth to have these palpitations already now, because of the interview this evening.

Be in the present. That's the solution for my current issues.

Preparation for my practice


A new Monday is here. It was eight when I got up not seven. I was still tired in the morning. It was late when I was in bed yesterday as I saw the "disgust-programme" I am a celebrity, get me out of here.
I think of my morning practice. It will be at home and not in the shala. I got up too late for the shala and I want to do all asanas of the first series. Today a led class is offered, but they never do all asanas.
To stay on my mat is my goal. It must be possible not to stroll around after each and every asana. To remain 90 min on my mat should be possible.
Picture: The sea in New Zealand.

Sunday, January 11, 2009

This Sunday is over

It remains to plan the next day:
Yoga and meditation in the morning.
Interview at 7 in the evening.

Speed now



I did nothing else today, but going through my old pictures. The one you see on this post is taken in New Zealand. I love these old cars. For me the red one please.

With Venice I finish the photo session for now

I published pictures from 5 decades. That's a long time.
Time to attack the chaos here.

...and back to the beginning

...not even 10 years old here, but busy.
The scanner of my new printer is a lot of fun.

Oh, the sea

I was already 40 +.

In Straßbourg with friends - 30 something


I hope my friends are not angry. I haven't asked them for permission to publish this picture. I still know all of them. A and the man on the left side are married in the meantime. The man on the right side introduced me to my current boyfriend - years later. I love them all and this trip was so funny.

The black phase

I travelled to France with my friends from the French club.

Back when I was 30


Original voice my bf (I showed him pictures from me with different age): This is why the people are shocked when they see you. You have not changed.
(Oh, he can be so sweet.)

The USA, I was already 40 something, not unhappy

The landscapes in the US are great, really.

In the USA again, I was already 40 something

This seems to be long ago for me.

The USA and me

It's always great for me to travel in the US. When I return to Germany I usually think for a few weeks that everything is possible. This feeling fades the longer I'm at home.

Slowly we must arrive again in the here and now

Me in the USA. It was cold there.

Here I got trained for life

My brother and me. Here I was optimistic that I can manage everything.

My brother and me - carneval

We are no twins. My brother is one year younger than me.

My grandfather, the father of the grandfather and me

This picture was taken 1961. I can only remember the father of my grandfather. He is on the right side on the picture.