I did only a few surya namaskaras this morning. I enjoyed it to wake my body up that way. Then I sat down in lotus pose and relaxed, or better tried to relax. My mind bothered me with endless discussions with my parents. I will go to India, I so want to do this. E supports me. But I know my parents. They will be against it again, they will probably again try to emotionally blackmail me. But what can they really do. Nothing. Why can I not let go of these endless thinking about it. This drives me crazy.
"Observe what is, let go of these thoughts. Be in the moment", I say to myself. When they learn that I will soon have no job anymore, they will express their fears again. "You are no more the youngest, will you ever get a job?" I can hear them saying this with these fearful voices I know so well. And I will have to justify myself another time for being in this world.
Bandler wrote in one of his book that people are able to change. Those who have the power to do it have in common that they were fed up with a certain behaviour. They simply have enough. When do I have finally enough letting my parents have so much influence on my well-being. Till now they do nothing, they say nothing, they do even know nothing. This fact makes me laugh. It is all in my mind. They have no power over me anymore. I must see this. I am no more dependant on them.
Perhaps I hope that when writing this down an idea comes up how to behave, what exactly to say to them. The moment will dictate what will happen, so it will be.
Day 10 today at work. No feeling towards this fact arises. Neutrality. I also have no opinion. Yes, I am glad that the boss is not in the office today, this means that my day is a bit more relaxed. Nobody has to pretend to respect the other person. Not being authentic uses up energy. I think I will go to work and when the work is done, I will go home. That's it. Then I will iron, and I will do some other duties. Perhpas I have time to do a little movie. This is fun.
This is not a positive post, I know.