Thursday, June 04, 2009

They simply hate me

Some of my colleagues simply hate me, others love me. I focus on those who love me. But there is so much aggression against me (I have no clue why) that today the manager wanted to talk to me. He told me that he already took action against it. He does not like at all the behaviour of my colleagues, but can he really do anything against it? I don't think so.
I had to pick up a book from the mail station. On my way to that mail box I wondered how I was feeling. But I don't feel aggressively on my side. I am bored by such a behaviour. My goal is to stay in that company for the next 10 months for money reasons. That's it. Not that I do not see what's going on. The time that I will be there is limited and I simply don't want to allow other people to spoil my life. I like it that I am so successful at it.
Next Monday will be the next meeting: The 2 colleagues and the boss and me shall meet, and we shall discuss so long till friendliness will be there (goal of the manager). I cannot imagine this. I also don't know what to say as I am not interested in the behaviour of these colleagues. No I won't become ill, but I want to be somewhere else on Monday. This I already know. But I have to be in that show and I have to play the role of the victim. Not a role I like, I also don't feel like this. What to say, what to say during such a meeting. This is awful. I want to avoid it, but I also know I shouldn't avoid it. Perhaps it is entertaining. No, I am not that cool re this confrontation meeting.
Focus, I know how to focus. During working hours I focus on the work that has to be done. And here I have so much to do, too. I am relaxed (not when I think of next Monday, but who is telling me to think of next Monday.)

I cannot help but think that the months that I work in such companies will find an end. How and what I will do then remains in the dark. I don't know. These new events are more or less a message for me, to collect my energies and to create something else.
I didn't stop at the new Martini bar 3 houses away. My mind must be clear.
Time to go to bed and to dream something sweet.

4 comments:

YogaforCynics said...

Well, if nothing else, you made me feel a bit better about being self-(un)employed. There's barely any money coming in at the moment, and no health insurance, but at least I don't have to work side by side all day with people who hate me...

Hope things work out well...

Tracy said...

and on that note..sweet dreams and always remember..."It is none of your business what others think or speak about you" because you are just so above that kind of behavior that it should not even phase you for a split second.
Love you my Friend~ xxoo

Ursula said...

Thank you Tracy...

and might money come to you YogaforCynics.

I wish a wonderful day.

U

Anonymous said...

This is so familiar to me.... I have people who really don't like me at work, too, plus a lot of bickering, gossiping and generally just talking rubbish about everyone who's not in the same room. This annoys me but what annoys me the most is that I find myself getting angry and talking rubbish as well :( I'd like to think that I'm really not that kind of a person, but for some reason my place of work just brings out the worse in me. I should just stay unaware of and disconnected from it, but for some reason I can't. I have good (i.e. calm, zen-like) days but especially when I'm tired, I'm just sucked right into it all. I really hate this. I think I'll take you as my rolemodel :) and just try to stay calm and to observe and not get into all that negativeness. This is something I need to learn.

Sorry about this long comment, and thank you for your blog - I often find that I learn a lot from your wise words.