After the sauna yesterday I slept very well. I woke up relaxed.
This morning I did surya namaskaras, my body was soft. There was time for the standing poses. Then time was over. I sat down in padmasana for a while and bowed forward. That was it. I regret it that I haven't been more disciplined and that I was too late on my mat. I am so prone to dawdle.
I counted: 5 people at my current job simply don't like me (this is nicely said). And they are not professional enough to hide their aversion. Simple politeness doesn't seem possible for them. They wish me away. If a mistake occurs (i.e. a stamp on an invoice where there shouldn't be a stamp), it was always me, even though I do not stamp now. It is amazing how important such tiny things are. A stamp on an invoice that shouldn't be there, I mean to be realistic, this is nothing, nothing. Of course I cannot blame our apprentice for this. She is helping us. So I observe the aggression. I start doubting if I really like to stay there another 9 months. A lot of people would be glad if I went. No, I will stay another few months. I can change my mind every day. My ability to suffer is rather great. And I also have to survive. I only have to care financially for me, and it is such a struggle from time to time, this drives me crazy.
I shouldn't forget the nice colleagues.
And the situation is a great motivation to work on alternatives. Another company is not an alternative.
(Oh, what a negative post in the morning., after a wonderful relaxing evening. It is as it is, there are always ups and downs. I know very well, that we only know what relaxation is because we know how it feels not to be relaxed. We only know what joy is because we also know the opposite.)