Sunday, November 30, 2008
The party was great: There were even shows performed by professionals and children, food was delicious, people were nice, the location was interesting. We were among the last to go to the hotel. It was far beyond midnight when we finally fell into the bed.
At 12 we left the hotel without breakfast and headed for Munich.
At home we slept the whole day.
Saturday, November 29, 2008
After these Indian and birthday troubles with my parents I had other plans for me. I saw me already preparing a 3 course menue for me here in my clean and decluttered shanty on Christmas Day. Alone I would be. Happy, perhaps a bit melancholy. Exotic food I would have served myself. No chance. Routine like every year will happen. It might be better not to plan anything as it is not possible anyway. Deeds are done, events happen.
2 hours are left for yoga and showering. Then we have to drive to the South about one and a half hours or two. We are invited at a birthday party. I hope I don't eat too much. I was shocked this morning when I jumped on my scales, naked and before breakfast. 3 kilos, 6 pounds have to go. Does this tell me to do full vinyasas now? Oh it is better not to intend too much. The very first step now is to role out the mat.
That's how I understand the Advaita masters so far.
Nevertheless the masters were urged from the students to give them sadhanas so that finally understanding, awakening to the truth can happen:
Sri Nisargadatta Maharaj: Think passive - not "I got up late", but "It happened that I got up late". (It might happen that I repeat the passive in English and French language.)
Ramesh S. Balsekar: Every evening find out (in writing) what really was done by you out of volition. The result will be: nothing can be an act of volition. Important is to see this regarding to the own life.
Jed McKenna: He recommends the writing process, too. Autolyse he calls it. Examining the thoughts and the truth of them. The death as an adviser is a second recommendation.
Osho: Be aware - is Osho's favourite method. He is the master of meditation and to meditate is to become aware (not only during 10 min sitting or dynamic meditation).
Nevertheless some of the awakened people do sadhasanas, i.e. the man from the Netherlands van de Wetering. In his book "A glimpse of nothingness" he describes his weeks in a Zen monastry in the US. Between the lines it becomes clear that these days are entertainment for him. He does not want to reach anything anymore.
(This was only a humble summary of what I've read lately.)
Friday, November 28, 2008
Every day it becomes later when I start with my practice. It's a shame. But I practiced.
The poses were sometimes rather sloppy. The intention to practrice with the CD is to experience the flow. To go on and to go on and that's what I did. There was no time to float. Only once the ring bell, just after navasana. It was the postman. :) He brought me a book "The book of no one" by Richard Sylvester. Our communication lasts usually less than 1 min. With the right hand he passes me the book that I have ordered, with the left hands he holds an electronic device. There I have to give my signature. When this is done, I can already hear him running down the steps.
Quickly I went on with my practice after that. This little break was nothing in comparison with what happens usually, when I practice alone.
I also realized how short I hold the hero pose. Today I remained in the pose how counted by Sharath. Was this hard. I am obviously not a hero, but I also don't want to be one.
Three times I lifted me up to do urdhva dhanurasna and I held the pose as long as it was counted.
Mari c and d, and supta kurmasana could be indicated only. I need more time to get into these poses. Again, I think the flow is essential when practicing with the CD and not the perfection of the poses.
It is four o'clock. The day is almost over.
Today I decluttered again, this is always satisfying.
I had the courage to switch on the CD by Sharath.
E. invited me to the Greece restaurant this evening.
I guess this was it - almost.
I deserve it to meditate now, there is still some time till dinner.
Nothing must be achieved.
Life must be lived, it is so simple.
In the second night one of them had to sneeze.
"Bless you." said the one, who sat next to him
"Pssst." hissed the third student. "We are supposed not to speak."
"You both are silly, why are you speaking?" said the fourth student.
"Silence!" said the fifth student.
"I am the only one, who has not spoken", noticed the one who had sneezed.
I need another cup of coffee and then: ready, steady, go. Whatever this means, but this was in my mind right now.
This reminds me of a German actor Christine Kaufmann: Lately she said in a TV show that when she was about 50 she thought that she had to get out of the bed in the morning as early as possible because she had about only 30 more years to live. With 60 this feeling of having not enough time during her lifespan for everything she wanted to do has disappeared.
Another cup of coffee now, I am in a hurry, I am in a hurry. :)
(But nothing must be done.)
Thursday, November 27, 2008
I was out with E. this evening. This time we weren't at our Greece restaurant. They had no seats anymore. We were at E.'s favourite Italian restaurant. In my stomach is always room for some noodles and a glass of red wine. It was good stuff that we found on our plates. We were pleased when we got the bill as it was not as high as expected. We returned to our car and there was the policewoman filling in a form. We hadn't bought a parking ticket. This cost 10 Euro extra. In total the dinner wasn't so cheap anymore. We laughed. You get something, and 5 min later it is taken away again.
I practiced till ushrasana. Before dhanurasana I put my front on the fresh cold mat. I wouldn't call it desperation - this would be much too strong, but I felt weak. It was so difficult to practice. I was disappointed with the current achievements in regard to the asanas. I was so proned to stop practicing, but I went on. It was more a mental weakness. It had nothing to do with the possiblities of the body. I went on and I managed it to do urdhva dhanurasana 3 times and I even breathed deeply. Savasana was difficult. I was not really relaxed. So it is sometimes. To be alone on the mat is not a piece of cake. But a piece of cake is now waiting for me in the kitchen and a hot Earl Grey tea, too.
I feel good now where it is over. This practice must be done, that's for sure. :)
Once a visitor asked: Where are your furniture?
The holy man answered with a question: Where are yours?
The visitor: I am on a journey through.
The holy man: Exactly like me.
The story is out of the book "It so happened that" by Ramesh Balsekar. I have this book in German language, so it is freely translated by me. :)
Me too, I am on a journey through. Not much stuff is needed in order to be able to lean back and to enjoy. Between knowing it and living it is obviously a gap. :)
Decluttering went on. I could scarcly carry all these old books, that I discarded. Now they are in the garbage can. Some are for sale. Books have no feelings. Yes, the poor trees, that were cut to produce a book, but I am ready to read my stuff online. Electronic books are already on the market in the US, I've heard. This shall be the future and I will be one of the first who will use it. But for now, like inhaling and exhaling, I buy something and I also have to let go. I stroll around and admire what is done so far. I am not yet ready, but for now I stop for a little break.
To go through the pictures took me some time. They only needed to be freed from dust. I don't through away these old pictures. But a calender of the Grand Canyon from 2001 had to go. Oh, was I young 10 years ago (and slim).
I gained more than 1 meter in my bookshelf. This is pure space. What a luxury.
When the thought "you can need it one day" is weak I take advantage of it.
Away with the book on German dictatorship, away with the book on accounting from 2005.
I know, I am still not radical enough, I am so cautious, so full of fear that one day I could need anything and then I wouldn't have it anymore. But this is nonsense. There is no lack of goods in our affluent society. Most things can be replaced, if not it is not a matter of life and death.
A most important exercise is" to let go".
Quickly I go through the kitchen and to my yoga room in order to turn on the heater.
On my way back I prepare my cup of coffee. I filter it.
Then I make quickly the bed in case my bf is no more in it.
Checking emails follow.
I enjoy my cup of coffee while doing this. Oh, the coffee is good. I am up.
I slept like a dead woman yesterday night. It was so relaxing. Now I am ready for the day. :)
The quote of the day: Everything must be scrutinised and the unnecessary ruthlessly destroyed. Believe me, there cannot be too much destruction. For in reality nothing is of value. Be passionately dispassionate - that is all. (Page 80, I am That by Sri Nisargadatta Maharaj)
Wednesday, November 26, 2008
My hot tea à la menthe warms me now. It gives my body the liquid back that I lost during the practice. First I felt a bit cold, I even warmed my feet with my hands when I was in padanghustasana. But later I sweated. The body became softer and softer with the time. Today I could reach again my wrists when doing marichyasana c and d. Oh, how nice, I thought.
Regarding urdhva dhanurasana I am a bit pessimistic for the time being, but this feeling will fade, too. It is not really important for this world if I can drop back from standing position or not. Nevertheless I will continue working on this pose. Perhaps it will happen next year that I will drop back on my own from standing position- then I will be 50. It is never too late.
E. will return from England at about midnight. I will stay awake, it's reading time for me now(Somerset Maugham "The razor's edge" - Larry must soon go to India, I cannot await till this happens). My sofa invites me to make it comfortable there.
I hope I manage it to get up early tomorrow morning.
I know it, I will enjoy this last practice with B. and with my fellow Ashtanga practitioners on this cold Wednesday.
There (in the second floor of this bookstore downtown) I found a book on Ramana Maharshi, but I am already disappointed. I don't know why I bought it. I remember, it was because of the many pictures in it. It is more a picture book. On each side are quotes, perhaps not quotes but sentences that shall reflect Maharshi's teachings, but they are so out of the context that these sentences do not say a lot. Sometimes the sentences are even contradictory: On one page I read that human beings have a free will, on another page I read that we are on this earth to fulfill a purpose if we think we are the doer or not makes no difference.
What I really fear is that many things are wrongly translated and this leads to a lot of misunderstanding. This I observed in so many cases already. Whenever possible it's best to read an author in his mother tongue. That's again why I am so attracted by Balsekar. He studied in England and his books need no translation.
I also stopped at another departement in that bookstore (and perhaps this can have something to do with a future occupation). I bought 5 (too many, damned) books on writing. When I paid for them, I got the cotton bag and not the plastic bag. "Did I spend so much money that I get the better bag now?" I asked the clerk at the cashier. She smiled, this was the answer.
At home again I prepared a nice dinner for me (cucumber salad and potatoes). At least I didn't finish my shopping spree in one of these restaurants I have to pass.
Oh Source, I hope you have not forgotten, that sooner or later money must come it. I am rather lavish.
This is my record of eternal gratitude to You.
You gave me birth in a most respected Hindu family, but not high enough in social status to make me proud.
You gave me a physical form well-admired for its perfection, but it was small enough to keep me humble.
You gave me education high enough to be most useful in life, but not high enough to make me proud.
You gave me success in sports high enough to be satisfied, but not proud.
You gave me a career in which You took me high enough to be admired, but not high enough to make me arrogant.
You gave me a wife and family for which I have always beeneternally grateful, but You did not spare me some grief to remindme not to forget what life is all about, and to be always grateful for what I do have.
You did not forget to place an adequate number of temptations in my way so that I may not be too critical of others who have to face their own temptations.
I am now 84, and perhaps the only wish that remains is that thelong life You have given me will not carry a burden at the end.But in that case, I know You will also give me the necessary courage to go with it.
You gave me a lot to show me how little is needed to be content and how much could be given away.
And, undoubtedly, the most important of all - as if the bounty You have showered on me were not enough - You crowned Your achievement by using this psychosomatic apparatus to convey to the world the most important message of Advaita. Truly I am blessed. Or, indeed, my Beloved, have You not blessed Yourself?!
Finally, it occurs to me, if You were to design for Yourself a life in phenomenality, could it have been much different from this one?
And, for this thought, no tears are enough to wash Your Noumenal feet.
The letter is signed by the master himself.
(No, I don't add anything to such a touching letter.)
This new "Advaita" knowledge does not lead that I stay in bed and do not get up at all, but I experience a certain fatalism. Why to do anything, I wonder. Why to be disciplined, eveything happens, or does not happen. It's all out of my control. It somehow is as if I don't have to care about anything at all. As if I am redundant (which is true). All my efforts were in vain and will be in vain. Then I can also eat the cake in the morning, I thought and done. I ate cakes before my yoga practice.
Ha, what a relief, an optimistic thought came up, right now: Come on, do your chores, take E.'s letter to the post office. Go on with your life, it's not that bad.
I enjoyed my clean kitchen in the morning when I made my first cup of coffee. To clean it was part of my evening routine.
Now I sit here and think: It is soooooo late already, soooooo late. Why couldn't I get up earlier.
Tuesday, November 25, 2008
Meditation: To meditate became for me a practice to sit quit and to be conscious that nothing must be done. I can relax. I can observe, everything will happen by itself. Thoughts arise at the horizon, they appear and they will also disappear. Nothing must be achieved (OK, 10 min sitting in lotus pose, that's already something, but I allow myself also to stop if it became impossible to go on.) It is time for myself, only for me.
I started reading the above mentiond book. One chapter is on requirements for satsang. I quote from page 11: "The second requirement is to rid yourself of desire for pleasures of senses." I close the book somehow glad that I can use my time for pleasures of senses instead of reading such nonsense.
I really don't know why this man is considered as a guru. I bought the book because of the title. During my intensive reading this man was quoted from time to time. I wonder why. I don't want and I don't need rules. They are also redundant. The script of life is already written, it only has to be lived now from us.
I feel it already: In the future I will have more time for other activities than reading books by "gurus", who claim to know the truth and tell me what I should do.
That's why I like Ramesh S. Balsekar. He gives no rules. He also mentioned in one of his books that Sri Nisargadatta Maharaj refused to answer question related to how to behave in daily life.
So far I haven't found acces to the book by Sri Nisargadatta Maharaj "I am That".
But Mr Balsekar I do understand. His teaching is simple: We all have an ego, it consists of the DNA and the conditioning. It is said that the conditioning that happens in the early years is stronger, but it is an on-going process. The ego is necessary so that interhuman relationships can happen. We will live with the ego till the end. The great misunderstanding is not that we are identified with our name or abilities. The great misunderstanding is that we think we are the doer, that we are responsible for the things that happen. " The important point is that when the ego is finally convinced that he cannot truly call any action 'his' action, the ego is faced with the significant question: if no action is my action, and actions actually happen without any necessity of a 'me', then who is this 'me' I am so concerned about? Is there a 'me' at all ?! The question becomes an unbearable pain, arising from the gut, from the Source, and the answer finally comes from the Source: 'My dear child, there never was a "me" to suffer the pain of life and all there has ever been is "I" alone who has been functioning through the billions of human beings.'
Only this has to be understood, other things like feeling guilt or proud will disappear as a consequence of this understanding. What remains is to lean back and to enjoy the show. What role in this life shall I play. It is entertainment pure. I cannot find any rule in the teaching of Ramesh Balsekar. It is deep understanding of what is.
The recommended method to gain the same deep understanding is: "At the end of the day sit alone, quietly, for about twenty to thirty minutes, and think of one or more actions during the day which you were convinced were 'your' actions. Find out if you decided, out of the blue, to do that action; or, was it some thought or event which started that action over which you had absolutely no control? Then, investigate the course of process of that action and find out how much real control you had over it. ...........In other word, you come to the conclusion that no action was truly your action. (Page 44, Confusion no more by Ramesh S. Balsekar)
More is not necessary to understand. I do not underestimate that it is a lot. It is totally different from what I have heard all of my life. I mean so far I felt responsible for almost everything. Not only once I asked myself if I could have done better regarding my jobs i.e. Within 10 years I have had 6 different jobs. But I already start understanding. Nothing could have been done better. Events happen, deeds are done.
"This investigation is really one step further from Ramana Maharshi's famous 'Who am I?' This investigaion that I suggest is based on the query: 'Am I the doer of what I think are my actions?' (page 44, Confusion no more by Ramesh S. Balsekar)
What finally remains is pure entertainment: Sad stories will happen, funny ones. Life will remain exciting, unpredictable.
Let's be entertained.
Picture: It is the Castle Ziethen in Brandenburg close to Berlin.
Monday, November 24, 2008
As much as I like it that my bf is at home, but when he starts working from here, which often means long conf calls, it is impossible for me to do anything. So, I call this Monday "Monday" and this was it. Tomorrow I will be again alone in my vacuum that I love so much and which scares me at the same time, because sometimes the thought comes up that I have to do something reasonable with this free time. I must trust that anything will happen. And this "anything" will be the best for the moment.
I made an early dinner for E. and me today, potatoes and a field salad. On top I put fried peppers and mushrooms. My bf seemed to be happy. Me too.
Sunday, November 23, 2008
Yoga: One early morning I woke up and I saw how the snow flakes flew around in the wind wildly and uncontrolled. I decided to stay at the hotel. Both yoga studios were too far away and the classes were too early for me: 7 a.m. This would have meant to leave the hotel at 6 a.m. I practiced once at the hotel. My only practice in Berlin was good.
The hotel: Stylish, very stylish. Even the ananas on the buffet table were cut in long sticks and always 2 were put into a glass. The view over the city when sitting in the breakfast room in the 7th floor was great.
Entertainment a la Berlin: The walls of the bathroom in the hotel room were partly made of glass bricks. When I was sitting on the bed I could see my bf sitting on the toilet. "Darling, I can see you." Quickly he switched off the light. Oh, the show was over so quickly.
Friends: I met the 3 As: my cousin A, my friend A and her husband A. This also meant much talking and eating in good restaurants. It was fun. On our last day we were even at a castle a bit outside of Berlin, but close to the airport.
Back home: I plan to get up early tomorrow. I am glad to be at home again.
Wednesday, November 19, 2008
I am very content now.
My next practice will happen at an unknown place, somewhere in the middle of Berlin.
I must pack my suitcase, the small one will be enough for 4 days.
I am in a hurry, I am in a hurry.
I finish this awful post soon.
Delegating is an art. It is important not to say too much (takes too much time, and people get annoyed before they started working), but it must be said what is crucial for the success. I am learning. I am more the type of person who says: Here you have it, do with it whatever you like, you are the expert. But not always this brings the best result.
I have very bad experiences with dry-cleaners. 20 percent of my stuff I get back ruined or not well done. That's why I usually check when I buy something new, if I can wash it by myself. My latest experience shows me that it is the best not to have things that need dry-cleaning only.
This post is another example how important it is to let go. I wasted half an hour of my precious life to write about this shit. I admit I wanted to look up a few new words like revelation. But now my mat is waiting. That way my time is spent so much better.
It is time to throw out this sofa. I prefer to sit on the floor. Perhaps this is the message I should get. Away with it, away.
I want to meet a bestselling author.
I don't get younger either, and perhaps this is my last possibility to do such a trip.
I only follow a calling.
Now, now, when else?
Oh, I have forgotten for a moment that I do not have to justify anything, not in front of me and not in front of others.
Tuesday, November 18, 2008
In the middle of the practice I had a weak phase, but this is exactly where the fellow Ashtangis help. It is easier to go on in a group and so I went on, too. Nothing spectacular happened. The regular practice is spectecular enough.
I enjoy my work that I did this afternoon. I created space. It is relaxing. I walk around and think: well done.
My bf calls it garbage, I call it my business, my future. This morning I organised "my future". I put almost all the yoga mats and cotton bags in the little room half a floor deeper. The rest is in a corner here upstairs. There are too many things in that junk room, too. (Junk room, this word speaks for itself.) I know that it makes not too much sense to organise things that should go to the garbage or that should be sold. I found an interim solution for now, I know. Many things that I have organised this morning, must go, either they find another owner or they are of no use for anybody, then the garbage can will be the right place.
The solution is not a larger flat. To become essential is the solution. Then a smaller flat will be great, too. Soon a large flat can become small, too, if one buys and buys and buys. Of course I see how much money I have spent on superficial things, I could still have it. But that's spilt milk of yesterday. I already noticed that when I travel or when I'm downtown and when I see nice things, I wonder: Do I really need this? Or will this nice thing become a burden earlier than I can close and open my eyes.
No yoga so far, but this evening I will go to a Mysore class. This should be enough yoga for today.
I like spaces, I like vacuum, I like insecurities. I want to create more of it.
I want to live my life simple and pure.
Good that I got up at 7 today. At 10:20 I start my morning routine. No comment on that.
4 days in Berlin is too short, this I already know. What I see is, that I have to make decisions. I cannot meet everybody I'd like to see.
And one evening I'd like to go to a Mysore class. ......and one afternoon I'd like to go to my favourite cafe.......and and and.
(And of course it is special that I will be at a hotel located at the Kurfürstendamm. For those who do not know: what the Kurfürstendamm is for Berlin is the Sunset Boulevard for Hollywood. Perhaps also not, but the Ku'damm is still THE street in Berlin. That I stay there is not my merit. It is given to me, I have not moved the little finger for it. What is equally nice - at any time I can stay in the home of my friends. )
Monday, November 17, 2008
The nap in the early afternoon was relaxing.
The evening will be relaxing too, probably in front of the TV with a book on my lap.
And for tomorrow I wish that I get back to my morning routine which includes a yoga practice in the morning.
I am glad that I had on my to-do list some items that ushered me out of my home: I bought the batteries for our scales, bananas, apples for the breaks and ingredients for the red lentil soup that I will cook for a late luncheon. I took one part of my sofa to the dry cleaning shop. But the conference call still went on when I returned.
With all these discussions in the background I cannot practice yoga, but I can go through my new words: assiduity, what was that again? This is difficult to remember. I still confuse covetousness with gluttony and lechery. OK, let me do this first. And then hopefully we both E. and me can have breakfast together. Fresh bread is in my basket and a "Brötchen".
Sunday, November 16, 2008
My kitchen is clean again. I found noodles with expiring date 2005 when I searched for noodles for the dinner. How this can happen in a house like mine, will remain a secret. :) Away with it, away. To create spaces gives me a good feeling.
Hahaha, I just reread my post: E. doesn't fear that I give him old noodles or old food. That's not the reason why he ate nothing.
Another pose improved: It is pindasana. I used to role out of pindasana as soon as my one hand reached the wrist of the other hand. I intensified karnapindasana and now pindasana is not a problem anymore. Doing karnapindasana I tried to take the knees closer to the shoulders. I tried to round my back as much as possible and then I held this pose for a few breaths longer as usual. One anger less. It provoked in me a slight anger each time I roled out of this pose.
Meditaion for 10 min after the shower and my life can go on now.
What else: My vocabulary trainer is good. That way it is fun to learn new words. Oh, it takes time till I remember a new word and then the spelling is not correct. English is world-wide the dominating language, I want to be good at it.
Oh, and my dear bf, he is ill (caughing) and sleeping the entire day. I will cook something for him now, something simple. He wished noodles. He was in Portugal, there he had no noodles, perhaps that's why he wanted something so simple. I will put a lot of garlic in the sauce. Food can serve as a drug as well.
A bit of reading this evening will end my evening. Yes, the book "At razor's edge" by Somerset Maugham is excellent.
And that was it. A simple but satisfying weekend.
Saturday, November 15, 2008
It was a marathon cleaning day. The results are seen, but it is not seen how much effort we had to put into it. My focus was the desk. It is all much better, less things are on it, less papers and it is clean. From time to time I stop writing and I admire what I've accomplisched today. The other rooms shine, too. Oh no, I am not yet ready with everything. Today I am happy so far.
We fought against dust clouds today and conquered them.
I know they will come back, but then we will fight again.
The question now is: What to do after all this Greece food in my stomach? I also have an answer. I will start reading my new book: "At razor's edge" by Maugham.
Damned this is a yoga blog. Tomorrow is time for second series. The alarm clock is already set: 7 :00 am I will get up.
Saturday is now my cleaning and decluttering day. When I am in the mood, I must act quickly. To think and rethink if an item might have any use in the future makes no sense. Away, away with all the stuff. At least 2 law books ended their lives in the garbage can in the backyard. Quickly I brought them down. Now they are gone. Not really a loss. And all the papers that I could throw away, it is simply amazing.
I have sorted out a huge pile of books that I will sell via amazon. Most books I don't read twice. Let go is the credo here, too. I don't think that I will try selling them today, but tomorrow. I must be patient, progress can be seen, that's something. Rome wasn't built in a day either.
Friday, November 14, 2008
I cooked again and I enjoyed the whole process, that began with shopping. Cooking, eating, cleaning the kitchen, I enjoyed each and every step.
It is evening now and yes, I want to see what the Frenchman is cooking. He was such a critical eater. "The perfect dinner" is broadcasted this evening again, the last show for this week. This show also exists in Turkey by the way. It comes from the US, where else.
Only tiniest breaks.
And because it was so good, I went to a retreat afterwards, I meditated, 10 min.
I feel energized and calm at the same time now.
Time to go on with my life. I must ask the source what I shall do first now. :)
OK, I thought, I see I have no free will, but an ego with which I can live rather comfortably. But then I opened my eyes and looked around. I saw the mess, I remembered that I think (and I think this my entire life) that I always have to start from point zero, I remembered that till now I was not so successful at all and in addition I have no flourishing business and no job either. Hope is there always, yes, but nothing else. And then I thought that my DNA and my conditioning isn't so good either........
.........but who is thinking this??????????????? And in addition I shouldn't be so ungrateful, I am in best health. (hahaha, my thinking mind in action amuses me)
Time to do yoga. It is good for my beloved body and I am highly motivated.
Thursday, November 13, 2008
I also found a novel that I will read next. It will be "Razor's edge" by Somerset Maugham. I read only best reviews at amazon. Mr Maugham refers to the guru Maharashi in his novel. That's what I read in the book by Ramesh and this interests me. One book leads to another one, one thought leads to the next and so on. To open the pages of amazon is always time-consuming, all the recommendations and reviews and lists. It is all endless.
It was rainy and cold outside the entire day. From time to time I stretched one foot out of my balcony door to see how cold it was. I was not invited to leave my cosy home. It felt even too cold to leave the house for a restaurant visit. So I cooked best food today: potatoes with a pea and pepper salad with a French sauce (mustard and a lot of garlic). It was nice to cook and it was even better to eat.
The thriller this evening was exciting and I was also entertained when I watched "The perfect dinner". But this is all nothing that throws me off from my chair. I sit on the floor most of the time anyway. Now I am somehow bored. What can I still do to entertain me a bit I wonder? It is a most difficult question. I am so bored.
Wednesday, November 12, 2008
I will pick up B. at the station. It is still time till I have to go. Time to knit on my blog.
My mat is still waiting. It is unlikely that I will practice at around midnight or even later when I will return. It is crazy that it is so difficult to find time to practice even though I do not work. Today I blame the Italiens. I ate too much for lunch and let's face it, wine already during lunch time is way too early. Point. It's party time again.
Was it really necessary to do the laundry this morning? Yes it was. And it was also necessary to wash my yoga mat. To have the smell from Indian floors in it is only romantic for a week.
"Is it really necessary....." this was the beginning of so many questions this morning.
It was necessary to go through my electronic clutter. I know, whenever I feel ready to do decluttering, I have to do it. It was necessary to go to the doctor to pick up my L-Tyroxin and it was necessary to return the penecilin.
Was it necessary to stop at my favourite Italian lunch restaurant when I was on my way home from the doctor? Yes it was.
I guess I was there the last time 10 years ago. The owner looked at me when I entered the little restaurant. I saw what he thought when he recognized me: Oh, she got a bit older. And I thought: Oh, he gained weight, but looks still like a typical Italian lover.
"Hello, where have you been? Do you not live here anymore? Were you abroad? Where have you been?" he asked me. I said that I was somehow too busy, too much work, living at another place.
I ordered a small starter and a glass of water.
He: "Water? No. You drink a little glass of wine."
I had no choice, I accepted.
I had no choice later, too. I had to eat the starter, then a little portion of the main course, then the dessert and then the coffee. They just know how to be with women. They look deeply into the eyes, kiss when you come (three times), Kiss when you go (three times). I got weak. I ate and drank everything they gave me.
But the best thing happened before the lunch business started. They played the Italian national anthem, poured themselves champagne into glasses and went to the few guests to say "cheers". And because this was so nice, they repeated it. "What's that?" I asked another guest. "Since they won the soccer world cup they do it every day before the lunch business starts", she told me. My humble opinion: Only Italians can do such a thing.
Yeah, life is a party.
And now I have to wait till my stomach is ready to bear a yoga practice with a lot of forward bending.
Tuesday, November 11, 2008
My yoga practice this evening was great. The body was flexible. I couldn't believe it first. I know that it is easier to practice in the evening than in the morning, I needed that kick.My breath was deep and I had the feeling that urdhva dhanurasana improved (a bit). I went only till ushtrasana. The reason: I still want to have enough energy for urdhva dhanurasana. And so it was. It was rather powerful when I went into the pose and I held it rather long. I think that when urdhva dhanurasana will improve also the following poses like kapotasana will become easier.
I do little breaks. Somehow I cannot stop strolling around between the asanas. I start getting amused about this. Seeking distraction during my practice is a weak point and it is out of control. I will observe it.
I am very relaxed now and happy that I didn't give up. Practices in Turkey were so difficult.
I wonder if the CD by Paul McKenna "Supreme self-confidence" can have such an influence so quickly. Today was the second day where I listened to it. I wanted to do something that allowed me to be passive. So I laid down on my bed, put my warm green blanket over my body, switched on the CD and just listened. The first part gives information on techniques how to improve self-confidence, NLP oriented. The second part led me into a deep trance. Perhaps during the second part Paul told me: Go downtown and buy this damned inkjet to repair your fax machine. It is overdue. :) I don't know, I was in trance.
Tomorrow my desk will be the focus of my attention. And my accounting 2008 must be done.
Somehow as a reward my new book by Ramesh S. Balsekar "Confusion no more" arrived.
My black mat is waiting for me. It's an evening yoga session at home today.
Picture: Somewhere in Istanbul
My life might end tomorrow or even today, perhaps I will be on earth another 5 decades. Who knows. Seldom people regret what they have done at the end. More often they regret what they have not done. Why not give something new a chance. Why not.
Picture: Roofs in Istanbul
(And yoga? Guess I will do some surya namaskaras, and a short sequence of asanas. This evening I will go to a Mysore class. This should be enough for today. My morning routine was somehow out of order this morning - free style, chaotic)
Feelings change during the course of a day. The vacuum gives the thinking mind a lot of time to create movies. Do anything, I tell me, only to do nothing at all all the time is desastrous. Life can be exciting, it is entertaining. Be open, enjoy the moment.
Picture: Another view of the city Istanbul and the Bosporus.
1. Ladies Coupe by Anita Nair. It is a novel, a bestseller in India. Five women meet in the train and tell each other their life stories. It was so exciting that I couldn't stop reading even though the book has more than 360 pages.
2. Who cares? by Ramesh S. Balsekar. Finally I have found someone again who understood something and speaks a language that I understand. A living master? I think yes.
Picture: Still a picture from Istanbul.
Monday, November 10, 2008
There is still a long list of activities that has to be done: repairing the fax machine, ironing, doing the accounting for 2008 and so forth. This keeps me busy. The tasks are necessary to be done and not only fun.
Nevertheless time comes where it has to manifest that money is coming in:
I need a job or a money source.
Picture: It is taken in front of the Blue Mosque in Istanbul.
When bending forward the pivot are the hips. The harmstrings are lengthened, but not only the harmstrings. Also the upper body is lengthened. Inhaling helps to do so, but also gravity helps when doing standing positions. Knowing this gives the practice another intensity. It helps understanding the poses. We bend forward, nevertheless it is important to open the chest. Shoulders tend to go back and away from the ears. Most asanas of the primary series are done with a straight back.
Halasana is done with a straight back. Here, too, only the hip joints are moved.
The position of the legs change from asana to asana, but the principles remain: keeping the back straight, bending at the hip joints, open the chest, stretching the legs and the upper body. These principles can be applied also for mariychasana C and D.
Exceptions are: supta kurmasana, baddha konasana B and pindasana in the closing sequence. These are the poses with a rounded back.
Practice this morning: It was easier than expected. I like doing full vinyasas. After navasana I made a break - a bit too long. The body became stiff again. Then I finished the primary series with a quick closing sequence. I even omitted urdhva dhanurasana. There is no perfection.
Picture: The park of the Palace in Istanbul
Sunday, November 09, 2008
I am back in Munich. My suitcase is unpacked already.
Half an hour ago I got a phone call from E.. At the airport in Munich we gave us a good-bye hug. He had to go to the transfer flights, I had to go to the baggage claim. He already arrived in Lisboa, Portugal. It is warm there and sunny.
But for me, too, it was not the last trip this month. The week after next week I will spend a week in Berlin.
I am a bit disappointed now. Every day something happened that was worth writing about. But now I am too lazy, it's all over already. It is so much better to write every day a bit, instead of writing only once when it is over.
Only one amazing story: Once we were in a restaurant. A man came to our table and introduced himself. He was adopted from a German couple and grew up in Germany. He had studied philosophy. Soon we found out that we (he and me) read the same authors: Osho, i.e. He planned to go to India for 4 months to the Krishnamurti ashram. I showed him my book that was in my bag: "Who cares?" by Ramesh Balsekar. He asked me if Ramesh Balsekar was still alive. This was the question of the questions. I didn't know. Back at the hotel I checked in the internet if Mr Balsekar was still alive. He is still alive and he is living in Mumbai. Every morning he answers questions from visitors. (Now I know where I want to go, when I will go to India again.) What a coincidence. I am in the middle of Turkey and I get a hint where to go next. It is amazing.
Me: Darling, do you know that you have no free will, that everything is already predetermined via the body-mind organism, via your programming, DNA and conditioning.
He: This is pure nonsense. Only once I had no free will and this was when I met you.
Hahaha, I like this. He is right. I think it is a good start.
In the morning I did yoga and it was so hard. I thought: What if I stopped. It was so hard. I came to the conclusion that it was better to go on, even when it is hard. To stop and to start again is harder.
I wrote my journal then and did yoga and meditation, while E. read in his books on mathematics. When it became time for lunch, we went to a close cafe to eat some sweets. After that we went downtown to discover something new. Dinner in one of the restaurants finished the evening. Not everywhere alcohol is offered.
12 million people live in Istanbul. So good that they have a very good public transportation system. The trams drive without interruption. There is no waiting time. One tram drives and the next tram arrives. All trams are croweded. To go by car is not an alternative as there is a lot of traffic jam. We were lucky that in front of the hotel was a tram station that brought us downtown.