I am busy to throw things out. I want space, I need space so that something new can develop. It is symbolic and it creates a feeling of becoming free.
It is not so easy to enjoy all the ups and downs. Especially to accept the downs are difficult. But before I write about the ups and downs, I have to write about the start. To start alone was a challenge. Sit on your mat and wait what happens, I thought. That's what I did. But after a while I started practicing. I had zero ambition. I only wanted to practice, no matter how. Music helped me today. Twice I interrupted the practice for a break. It was OK. Some poses were astonishingly good like utthita hasta padanghustasana, others were rather akward like pindasana. I rolled out of this pose. To practice alone has totally different challenges. I practiced, I am even a bit proud now, optimism is growing again and my energy level is now much higher than in the morning. I do not crave for chocolate or a cake, but I am looking forward to my mango with soyayofu as breakfast.
On the picture a corn field can be seen. The corn is already cut, the field looks helpless and naked.
I finished the day with 6 min spinal breathing, and 12 min meditation (at least something). Breathing was rather fast and deep and I wondered what made me so excited. It was difficult to breathe slower. 6 min were over rather fast. I gave me a short break before I meditated on my blanket that I had bought in India. I was astonished that I was still able to sit. The session was rather interesting, because I lost the feeling for my body and where I was in my room. I felt floating, but at the same time I felt the floor under me. Yes, this was interesting and the 12 min were over much too fast. After the buzzing of my meditation clock everything was over. Soon afterwards E. came home and now a hungry bear is busy in the kitchen.
Rivers are sometimes like mirrors.
Germany is green, because there is so much rain. With warm clothes it can be wonderful to walk around and to see how the nature is changing from fall to winter. It was a pleassure to breathe in the cold clean air.
It was cold, but idylic there. After lunch we went out for a walk. M. has had his birthday. We were a round of 5 people. I was the youngest, so topics circled around health. So it is.
Sometimes the Alpes can be seen on the way toward south, but today it was misty. Later the sun shined. We headed for the Chiemsee.
Free and secret elections in Bavaria today: This morning we went to the school where the voting boxes where located. You can see on the picture that the votes are secret. So no further comment here on that.
Out of the blue I am in not such an excellent mood. No, I don't want to blame the cold weather, I don't want to blame the monthly flooding, ahhh blooding, I also don't want to blame my mother who draw my attention to the fact that I was getting older and that it would become more difficult to get a job. No, I don't want to blame anything or anybody. When I observe my mood, I think, when I become a witness of my mood, joy and lethargy should become the same - a play of the energies, pure entertainment. :)
This post is inspired by the book Ashtanga yoga by Gregor Maehle, page 52.
I had time to cook today: Indian food. I wanted to try something new, but E. liked the hot red lentil soup. I went shopping for the ingredients. In an Indian shop I found laddhus, this sweet dessert, that I ate in India. I had to buy it. My soup was delicious. We had a rose wine with it, which is of course not typical Indian. So what. I loved it to go shopping, to cook and finally to eat. Now I have time for it. What a gift. And E. liked the laddhus, we ate all. :)
Bf has an appointment and afterwards we'll meet downtown for breakfast. I am flexible. My practice last night was very intensive. It doesn't matter when I practice later today. Next week I will be alone at home again. Then I can get back to my morning practice.
Yoga, yoga, yoga, not so many other things happen. This gives me energy for the practices. In the morning I had my self-practice. I appreciate it. But as important as my self-practice is the practice in a group with our excellent teacher B. in Munich. This evening we were 6 people, vibrating energy could be felt in the room. Redundant to say that I loved my evening on the mat. I didn't like to go out first, because it was so cold and so comfortable on my bed. But I can lay on my bed all the time when I am 99 years old. So I went and I didn't regret it. I know, I have to be patient with urdhva dhanurasana. Ashtanga does not only teach poses, but an attitude. One has to become patient.
Instead of eating self-made Indian chocolate in the evening, I sat on my sofa with a book. Since a few months a book sits on one of the book piles here, inspired by Tim's post I opened it today. I speak about the book by Haruki Murakami on running and writing. It is a quite book.
I feel cold. This is the dominating feeling. Cold, damned cold. I don't want to go out anymore. We have enough food at home, so I also can stay at home. I feel lazy. I slept for a few hours. No motivation to do anything. And again the feeling that it is so cold here. I cannot complain my flat is rather warm. I am barfoot. From time to time I open the door to the balcony and stretch my naked foot outside: Cold, I think, so cold. The balcony door should stay closed.
I left my mat after 5 surya namaskara As and 3 surya namaskara Bs. It was difficult enough to practice that far. Of course I am frustrated now. But so it is.
It is rainy, cold and already dark outside. I am glad that I do not have to go out anymore. That's how it is here. Soon I have to wear my winter coat again. My body lives still Mysore time. It is only 8 o'clock and I am already tired. I hope I can sleep well this night.
It was not easy to start and then it was rather hard to practice. The situation is different now. The energy of the group is missing. Now I am alone on my mat. This has advantages, too. I am not distracted by others, I can listen to my own breath.
This is over, too. No conferences on Sundays.
"In India nobody cares." I guess this will become my favourite sentence for the next week.
I do what must be done. This is cleaning. The illness of the mind (having preferences) is almost cured for the time being.
The flight Frankfourt - Munich is usual a flight for business men and business women. And so it was. Well-groomed people were in the plane, expensive seductive eau-de-toilette was hanging in the air. India is not less seductive, the smells are different, not innocent also. I love both.
Being here in Gokulam, being part of a rather small community of about a few 100 Ashtangis is an opportunity to practice detachment. Every day someone travels home, every day there are new arrivals. There is "good-bye" and "hello" every day.
It is Sunday and I apprreciate it to have a day off from yoga. This experience is new to me. It is not out of laziness that I do not want to practice, it is because I feel that my body needs to rest for one day. My morning practices in the shala are very intensive.
Only a few yogis and yoginis were in the shala this morning. Sarasw. led us through the primary series. Even though I haven't slept so well, my practice was wonderful. The body was bendy, I experienced flow. I held all the poses as long as counted, except sirsasana.Picture: Holy India - I found this little statue on one of the houses when I walked home yesterday.
Each of us had a different sitting pose. We are individualists. Picture is taken on the last trip to the temple
I have no preferences anymore regarding the number of the students that practice in the shala. How nice. Whatever is, I like it. I like a crowded shala (much energy) and an almost empty shala (much space). Today we were less than 10 people. My practice was rather slow and intensive. I welcomed it that I sweated so much. The breath was good, too.
A bit of history:
Beautiful A. left Gokulam yesterday evening. In the meantime she should be back in Tokyo, Japan. I missed her this morning in the shala. 
I observed my practice, I didn't judge it. Surprisingly it was a good practice, I felt bendy. The breath is the focus, nothing else. This is enough.
In the evening I went to the coconut stand. I wanted to know what was going on. It was Ganesh's day. Everywhere were lights and music. The women were dressed with their most colorful saris. It looked all very beautifully. I spoke with Ch and 2 women from Iran, who were studying arts here in India. But I didn't stay too long. My yoga practice was at 7:30. I wanted to have enough sleep.
The idea is from Osho again. In his book "So lost and so at home", he recommends to sit down and to observe other people, the birds, the sunset. Observing can be learned and exercised, observing without judging. Then it is possible to get closer to oneself and to observe the own thoughts the same way without judging. What a wonderful idea.
Children are everywhere. They are so little and look so fragile sometimes.
Sometimes I regret it, that I do not have a kitchen here. All these vegetables and fruits invite me to cook.
Here Muslim women dressed totally in black can be seen. Even the face is covered. It is in contrast to the colorful saris of the Indian women, who don't mind to show their bellies.
Yes, it is adventurous to walk through the old Mysore. Not so many Western people can be seen here.
And so it looks like when incenses are hand-made. It is not a healthy job to role these thin wooden sticks in that black mixture. Not to buy hand-made incences makes her unemployed. Is it worth to maintain a job like this, when machines are available? But this is not a political blog.
I took a Riksha to get downtown Mysore yesterday. Soon an Indian man spoke to me. He pretented to knew me from the shala. He wanted to show me the old Mysore. We walked till the university together and then he left me as I didn't like to go with him to the university. Soon another Indian man spoke to me. He pretented to do Ashtanga yoga, too, but with Iyengar, who is in Mysore, too. He even mentioned Shiva. Is Shiva in the oil branche, too, I thought. But I am an experienced traveller, I know the game from Thailand and from India, too. Somehow they find some Western people, they convince them to go with them to an oil shop or somewhere else and there they get a commission.
I will try it again. This time I will have to go to the post office at 4 o'clock. Yesterday I was told to come tomorrow in the morning at 8:30. But today in the morning it was still not clear what to charge now, because the prices for sending postcards abroad are going up today. But people are so diligent here, that I do not care. I have no duties. I am here only for fun. I can do some ways more often than once and I am still relaxed. How nice.
The shala was full this morning. So many yogis and yoginis are still here in Gokulam, I was astonished. I found a place in the last row on the stones. The energy in the room helped me a lot. I practiced slowly, very slowly and focused on my breathing. lately I started wishing that it looks easily what I am doing. But the poses of the first series are not at all easy. Of course the breathing helped me. And finally it was over and it was very good.
Every evening I open my bag and what a surprise I find something in it that I have bought during the day. Indians are great business people. Yesterday I found these jewelleries in my bag and sandlewood parfum.
Practice this morning was stiff. Urdhva dhanurasana is still not happening.
