Tuesday, March 25, 2008

The world is white


This is a better title than "Reluctance". It has snowed during the night, the roofs and trees are covered with snow again.

I turned on the heater, I need it warm. It was so nice to enter a clean kitchen, a clean living room, a clean bathroom. I wrote my morning pages and meditated. After 11 min it was almost unbearable to go on. I opened my legs from lotus pose and sat the rest of the time on my mat, breathing.

Now it comes: Reluctance was felt to do yoga. "Just role out your mat", I told me. I did it. I started with a few suryas and I did the standing sequence, but how. I went from one asana to the next without holding the pose. After 20 min I went to bed again. And this was so nice. I hugged my darling from behind. He was so warm. I adopted my breath to his breath and relaxed, I almost slept again. I'm tired. I need more sleep. 7 hours are not enough for me. I went to bed later the last nights, so it was difficult to sleep in yesterday night, which means that I had even less sleep than 7 hours. I need more. It's awful to be so tired. I will go to bed at 9:30 p.m. from now on. Perhaps this helps.

Reluctance is felt to go to work. I wished I would write more optimistic stuff. But it is as it is. I don't want to go. I don't want to go, I repeat it.


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