I got up at 5 a.m. I had cramps in my stomach and my lower left back hurt awfully. I slept very well, but as soon as I was up these pain were felt. Like an old woman I trudged into the kitchen to prepare my cup of black coffee. Decision was made when I arrived: 3 morning pages today, Zazen (20 min), no Ashtanga or only a few suryas to check, if I would be able to go to the Mysore class this evening.
Zazen: I sat down on my cushion, my new watch laid on the floor next to me. I thought: Karen, no scratching today. Session started. Then my hair touched my eyelashes on the left side. Focus was there at once. And focused sticked to it, I couldn't stand it, it tickled me. To put my hair away is no scratching, I thought. Done. But then the scratching session started, like never before. I cursed loudly: Verdammt (damned). I never say fuck it. This I leave for the Americans. We have no equivalent in German language. Sometimes I say shit (in German). As so often I wrote a lot of posts mentally. It was a good session, because I found it very funny.
What do we learn: It is better to focus on the breath than on no scratching.
Ashtanga: I did 2 suryas to check the status of my body. Fuck it. I'm not sure if I'm able to go to Mysore class today. I will take my mat and my clothes to work. Decision can be made later.
Last night at 10:20 p.m. my boyfriend called me from Sweden. He woke me up. He wanted to hear my voice. He can call me anytime when he wants to tell me such things.
Yes, a new task for me: I have to accept that my body needs time out sometimes.