Thursday, September 13, 2007

The morning routine - I'm back to it

Zazen: What an emotional sitting today. Body remained quite. That's something new, because I'm very prone to move when I have emotions and if it is that I scratch my head. Today I stayed quite. Everything took place in my head only. Nothing happened. I was sitting, obviously, what made me so unsettled? 20 min passed even faster than the other days.

Ashtanga yoga: Then I was almost happy that I could concentrate on more harmless topics: how to keep the back straight, how to breath equally, how to do a correct adhu mukha svanasana and so on.
I thought about my breaks that I do after the first surya namaskaras almost every day. Most of the time I leave the mat for a while, walk around, look into the mirror. Yes, I still exist, still beautiful. Then I go back. Now I want to stay on the mat. I will allow me to take a break as long as I want, but I want to stay on the mat. Let's see what will happen the next days.

Concentration was on the breath today. When I take a bit less ambition as ingredient for the practice, the practice itself is more joyful. After the practice it is a bit less satisfying with less ambition. Different doses of ambition might be diversified. Good, that I have the choice.

Let me quote James Brown: I feel good, the weather is fine.

2 comments:

magallanica said...

Dear Ursula,

You are doing an exponential progression towards surrender, a fast merging in the now.
The monkey mind doesn't like losing power and its default strategy is unsettling you, in order to protect your need of it, your dependency on its 'services' and 'entertainment'.

Maybe that's the reason behind the antsy feelings: you are much closer to silence, to real presence than ever. And what is ego, the monkey mind if it loses control over you?

Keep sitting, keep trusting your body. Your body is taking you to the only place you are meant to be: Ursula. One Mind. One Self. Undivided. Non Dual.

Try to stop the monkey and it will become even more hyper.
If you observe it, finally gets too tired and falls asleep.

Only monkey mind is ambitious, Self is already at home, Self is already complete.

Be still.
Listen to the beautiful pounding of your heart welcoming the moment.
what shows up is perfect.

Even unsettling antsy feelings are perfect right here, right now.

With much love,

Paz

Ursula said...

Dear Paz,

Sometimes I need some courage to write about my virgin experiences on Zazen. It is very new to me, I think it's perhaps superficial, stupid, boring what I write.

But then I get comments like yours and I do not regret anymore that I risked to bare myself.

Thank you so much.