I slept well. This is the good news. After 2 nights of almost no sleep I was so glad that I slept deeply this night. I woke up at 5:30. somehow relaxed.
When I got up I didn't know what to do at first. I must have been so much on autopilot with my last routine, that it is an intellectual effort to switch to a new routine.
I wrote my morning pages and I had my first cup of coffee. Then I sat on my sofa with bad mood, almost impossible to move. I sat there cross-legged and there I wanted to stay doing nothing at all. Finally I rolled out my mat. I prepared another cup of coffee. Uttanasana was possible. I hang forward I don't know how long. Baddha konasana was possible. Then I tried a surya namaskara A. It was horrible. I preferred to do another uttanasana. Then I sat on my mat and drank the rest of the black coffee. That was my practice today - 10 minutes perhaps.
I'm fed up with feelings in general, too, might they be good or bad. They just take too much energy.
I had a cold shower. I feel refreshed now. The cold water made me shiver and brought me brutally in the here and now. I want to do nothing today. To think of 2 long working days till the weekend makes me crazy. Am I really so weak? It is dark when I get up, it is cold in my rooms when I get up. When I sat on my mat I could feel how cold it was. How to survive this day? I don't know, probably one breath after the other. My energy level is so low today that everything seems to be a huge effort and almost impossible. Every movement is a task - a challenge. Wishes to stay in bed come up, but I know I have to go to work. How can a person be so depressed without any reason that early in the morning? I don't know.