Thursday, November 30, 2006

After work - before Tollwood (best christmas market)

I'm in an internet caffee close to the station. I like the atmosphere here. I have still some time till I will meet E. and some collegues of him and then we'll pick up E.'s mother from the station. She is coming from the North of Germany today.

I guess I have a new role model to fight my after work tiredness. G. is coming from the North of Germany, I already mentioned this. She left home this morning. In the middle of Germany she had to change trains. She missed her train and so she had to wait. It is November and it is cold here. She is on her legs since the early morning, carrying heavy suitcases.

When she will arrive E., her favourite son takes her to the Tollwood (very good international christmas market). There she has to walk around. The whole program includes eating food, drinking Glühwein, going from stand to stand, buying things, chatting. We will be at a tent where they will play life music later. Probably the music that is played is not her favourite music as the clients of those parties are young people. Tiredness. Have I heard the word out of her mouth. No. She is over 75 years old, whatever is the suggestion she will be a part of the group.

This reminds me of my grandma. She was ready to do anything, too. Only between 1 p.m and 3 p.m. she wanted to sleep, her afternoon sleep.

As soon as I hear the word tiredness in my mind after work I will change it to excitment. Life is excited, no after work depletion anymore from now on.

Report from the mat


I did 5 surya a's and 5 surya b's. Often I only do 3 surya b's as a lack of time (and energy). It was a fast practice. Flow was there. I was too tired to think a lot, wich is good. I was on my mat and did what I always do at that time between 7 a.m. and 8 a.m.. I practiced. I know that progress is marginal if I practice that fast. But to move the body is good for the body. I can notice how much more flexible I am after that short hour.

After 2 months of practice in the morning I got some confidence that it is doable to practice so early in the morning, also for people like me, who like to sleep a little bit longer, because the nights are considered more beautifully than the mornings (so it is difficult to go to bed). I start loving the mornings like the nights. And it was too late yesterday again.

We were out with some collegues of E. The gf of the collegue joined later. We had this already last week with other people. She, the gf, came rather late. I think it was because she needed time to put all the make up on her face (not because she was running). Oh, I like make-up, but I didn't like to wait that long. I like to meet new people. It is interesting how much one learns from someone new in only 1 hour. Oh, it does not make the best impression to talk badly about former lovers or to complain honestly that bf does not buy enough flowers. It is easier to be with people who talk about such things than to spend an evening with people who say nothing at all. I guess my bf was happy that he is with me after that evening. It seemed so, when we walked home, holding hands, as usual.

Leg behind the head is almost not possible in the morning. I regularily fall out of pindasana. It is impossible to hold this asana in the morning.

I'm looking forward to my practice on Saturday - finally I will have all the time that I need for a long practice.
Picture is from Munich from one of the christmas markets.

Wednesday, November 29, 2006

My blog reminds me of the internet hype


Some years ago I got up, switched on my TV, n-tv (the German CNN) and checked the shares. I bought shares and expected within a few days a double of what I bought. I watched the news from the morning till late at night. Some friends did the same, we had long phone calls and every little information was interpreted. Every news, every second was interpreted.

So it is with my yoga practice at the moment: a good practice and I think from now on it is getting only better. A bad practice and I see no progress anymore. I think now, from time to time it makes sense to see a week, or a month, or even two. The perspective changes at once. I was not sure if I practiced every day while working. Since 2 months I manage to get up at 6 a.m. every day and I practice. Sometimes it is better, sometimes it is not so good. But when I look at the 2 months, one bad practice does not count so much.
The longer I practice the better my practice gets in the long run (that's unfortunately not the case with my shares).
Picture: another christmas market

My picture is on the cover

That's fantastic. This summer I found a very good idea on ebay. 2 women offered empty pages in a cooking book. I bedded and for 15 Euro I got one page. I had to send a recipe and a picture for that book. I could also promote my online-shop on my page. That was it, what I wanted to do. I liked the marketing idea at once.

Today the cooking book arrived and what can I see: my picture is among a few others on the first page. I love it.
I have to offer now new products on my online shop. I have to.
Here the picture: I don't know how they made it, but on the cover it is sharp.

Difficult, difficult


I ran away from my mat several times, but I returned. Then I practiced fast: one asana, one breath. This helped for a while. I made it till mari a, then I did salamba sarvangasana and then halasana. My last pose was lying on the floor today - dead woman. It is so arbitrarily how the practice will be. I thought the practice would be good today, I was in bed on time, but....

I need focus, to concentrate is the challenge now, not the "difficult" asanas. There are no difficult asanas, by the way. Goals for my morning practice are low, I only want to be on my mat. I was on my mat. Later it turns out that there are hidden expectations. I would have liked it if the practice was good today. It wasn't, but I was on my mat. To focus, to focus, this is the challenge.

My blog represents the same mess: pictures from South Africa, stories from my mat, where my body is, mind is somewhere else.

So let's bring it together. Body on the mat, mind on the mat, stories from the mat, pictures from Munich.

And now I have to concentrate on fixed assets - 8 hours.
Picture is from the center of Munich. On the picture one of the small Chrismas markets is to be seen. From today or tomorrow on it will be open and I will stand there drinking Glühwein, I know me.

Tuesday, November 28, 2006

This and that


Self-practice group: Unfortunately D. didn't answer to my email, which means, that we have no room to practice tomorrow. So it is with the passionate beginners. Passion is forgotten very fast. E. already asked me if I'd like to go to a Jivamukti class instead. I think this is a good alternative.

Here and now: I will post pictures from Munich now. I'm not on vacation anymore. Where I am it is good and beautiful, too. Munich is my here and now, now.
Evenings: It needs attention. I had spent my evenings already more interesting than I do it now. I feel depleted when I come home, depleted and hungry. My best evenings happened when I went to Aikido just after work. After Aikido I felt so good again. I was in the mood to do something. It was that easy. And that's what I should start again: some surya namaskaras, not too ambitious, without any expectations. Perhaps it is good just to sit for a while, a break. I have to find out.

Picture is taken in Munich. It is a nice shopping street close to the office where I work.

Never in the here and now


I asked myself how it would be if I went to an Iyengar class. I asked myself where my neighbour was today, there was no light today. I thought of the lecture yesterday. I asked myself if I was good at yoga. I asked myself what to do at work today and if it would be boring, I thought of the pictures I'd like to have taken when I do yoga, I thought of what I'd write in my blog today and so on and so on.

I practiced. Another plateau - another preparation for the next highlight.
Picture: end of the world - South Africa

Monday, November 27, 2006

Love it or leave it

I almost left the lecture. This header of the speaker inspired me to leave - almost. B. und I were sitting in the first row, but the lecture was boring. My neighbour even slept. The speaker was a prof from the university - what he said was theory and old, even though he was young.

As always it was nice to meet B., I like her humour. During the lecture I exercised my bandhas.
Picture: Somewhere in South Africa

Monday started well with primary series


OK, the main problem is the time now. I came till navasana, added supta konasana and then I went to dhanurasana (which was ashtonishing very good). I need more breaths as scheduled. I know now, when I practice as today, I need more time, which means that I have to get up earlier. I didn't omit the vinyasas between sides. I stood on my head, which shall prepare me for a crazy day. I only thought of my asanas and what I would write in my blog today. I forgot the work totally, now it is in my mind.

This evening I will meet B.. She invited me to a lecture, but I think the most important thing is that we will meet each other.

At the end of this week the salary of November will be on my bank account, this should bring me through the week (with a smile on my lips).
Picture: Somewhere in South Africa

Sunday, November 26, 2006

Glühwein time began


Glühwein time began here in Germany. Everywhere are little Christmas markets with presents, food (mainly meat of course) and Glühwein. I'm part of the Glühwein fans: it is hot wine with different spices. If it is very cold it can be ordered with a shot of hard booze. I had one of these hot wines today without booze. It is not that cold here.

I did a few other attempts to take the leg behind the head. It is easier when I lay on the floor doing it, instead of sitting on the mat. Bathroom is cleaned, floor is cleaned, clothes are washed and I had time where I did nothing but reading and the weekend is almost over. Nothing special - almost a Zen weekend, if I only were more attentive and in the here and now.

Picture: a bird in South Africa

Pure silk


Quality: that's the right word for my practice today. It was a long practice, the quality was best. I concentrated on my breath. The breath gets excited when I enter a new asanas. It is shorter than usual in the beginning of every new asana. I tried to calm the breath, make it longer and relax. I could do it. I remained longer than usual in the asanas. It was wonderful.

I enjoyed the asanas. It was pleasure. I took a lot of breaks, I needed them, so flow was not really there, too many breaks, too many stops. But this allowed me to concentrate more on the asanas. The breaks recovered me and then I had fresh power, fresh concentration for the next asana. I didn't omit anything till leg behind the head. This is where I stop when I do the second series.
Leg behind the head could be performed. It is not really good. My body is too cramped, I do not feel well in that asana, but it is slight progress that I can see now.

Dhanurasana was great, too. I sense now how it can be when my upper body opens up more. A wonderful pose, too.
Picture is taken somewhere in South Africa.

Ashtanga yoga - that's it.

Saturday, November 25, 2006

A long and slow practice


Of course I practice now on Saturdays. I have time. It is good to practice in the morning during the week, but there is sort of time pressure. Today I had all the time I needed and I had a very long and slow practice. I took a few breaks, some were volunteerly, 1 not (phone call). But I went always back to my mat. I did all the wonderful asanas, one after the other and the vinyasas after each asana. My body was soft and liked to be in the asanas.

The breath: Yes, the breath. I need more breath than scheduled in surya namaskara b. Exhaling is much longer than inhaling. In some positons the breath doesn't flow as easily as I wish i.e. in parivritta parsvakonasans. The breath needs attention.

Sirsasana: I went up with straight legs - highlight.
Baddha padmasana: I could hold firmly my toes - I highlight, too. I do not say anymore that my arms are not long enough.
Dhanurasana: it gets better every day.

Parivritta parsvakonasana: I think I have a rather complicated way to get into that asana. I streighten the rear leg, standing on my toes. When my arm is in the position next to the front bended leg then I take the foot in the right position and turm my body with it. I don't know how to enter this position with the foot in the right position from beginning on. My way to enter this position needs much more breaths. I want to change it because I think I will be more in the flow if entering faster into that asana. I will have to play with this asana.

Bandhas: I had time to use the bandhas in every position. The positions get better while using the bandhas. They are a real secret. I like it.

So relaxed now. Great.


Friday, November 24, 2006

30 min


I practiced 30 minutes and then I thought I was not able to go on. Exhausted - in the morning. I did the suryas, all the standing positions and some forward bendings - no vinyasas. It is Friday. I was on my mat. It is all OK as it is. I liked it again to sit in padmasana and to lean forward, head on the floor in front of me. It is so relaxing.

I need more sleep. Yesterday I was out, too. We met a collegue from E. Later the girlfriend of the collegue joined us. The gf is a very energetic woman running 15 km every day, running half marathon, preparing for the New York marathon. She came later because she was running before our meeting. Her trick to forget her working life is to run after work, also during winter time. Then all her anger and other negative feelings disappear. I thought for myself: a few surya namaskaras after work would perhaps do the same. I said good-bye to the group earlier.

I have so much to do on Friday, that I probably have to work I don't know how long. I wanted to get some sleep, but it was already rather late. I will probably need some suryas after work. Of course. Then the weekend starts and I don't want to take working life into private life.

Thursday, November 23, 2006

What happened on my mat


It was a slow and modest practice today. It is Thursday already. Mind and body are tired at the end of the week. I like the surya namaskaras very much at the moment. Standing sequence was concentrated, too. I didn't go to the edges. The asanas are demanding enough.

Then I did free style: backbendings (I cannot remember the names of the asanas at the moment). I loved plough pose. And at least I was again in padmasana. I bent forward, forehead on the floor, arms pointing backwards. Did I sleep a little bit in that position? It could be.

Mentally I tried to be in the here and now, nowhere else. I didn't imagine the next asana. I'm perhaps too tired to look in the future. The next asana is future as well.

I need more sleep, that's for sure. I don't want to go to work. I want to trade shares, then I do not have to see anybody. In general I would say I like people. But company structures change people - we all get monsters.

I will try to see the coming hours from the outside, like a movie (a horror movie, with ugly monsters), dissociated, as if it has nothing to do with me, emotionless. In 4 hours is lunch time. How I hate it to go to work. I have to change this attitude at once.

Wednesday, November 22, 2006

On senses


Feeling first: At first I feel something, I can almost feel everything. When I learn something I walk around. I move myself. I know which clothes are nice to the skin and so on. I do yoga. I even can feel colors, atmospheres, tension, the future.

Then comes seeing: I like to see movies, I like to go to museums, my pictures on that blog are so important. I like to take pictures. I take care what I dress. I think everyday of the colors I like to dress. Colors have to match or consciously not to match. What importance.

Then comes the music: listening: But do I really care? I switch on the radio most of the time to feel better. I like "The Rolling Stones" sitting on a fence, i.e.. I like the Mozart operas. Should, again this ugly word should, I should listen more consciously........ and so on. I don't care when my neighbours are loud, I do not hear it, because I do not pay attention. Music influences my mood, but anyway, listening is the third place.

And now I'm not fair anymore, but it is the fourth priority for both of my senses: gustatory and smelling: I like parfums. Wherever I was you can smell it. I always wear a parfum. I love it. I change the parfums, but it is a must, every day.

I just came home from a restaurant and I enjoyed the food. But towards food I'm ambivalent: Food makes fat. So 4th place.

4 senses, what for a rich life: we can feel, we can see, listen, smell, taste. Incredible exciting.

What else do we learn from our practice


When I'm on my mat, I'm on my mat and not buying clothes, or in a book store or elsewhere.

When work is over it is over. And I do not like to take the people from work to my home. When it is over it is over. I won't give them the power to influence my life after these 9 hours. Point. And that's why I do not write about the shit today. I listen to music now. My boyfriend invited me for dinner. I will talk about the food, about the weather, christmas presents, ideas, books later. Perhaps I inform him 2 minutes or so what's going on so that he won't be astonished when I do not go to work anymore. But 2 minutes is more than enough. And I also don't want to mess up my blog with well-known work crap.

I need a ritual, a sign after work so that I do not forget that lesson.

Oh, there are also good news from work: boss of the bosses was very pleased about the wonderful bouquet of flowers that I bought yesterday evening for my collegue (birthday). We unwrapped the flowers and liked it and later my collegue liked it. It is a wonderful bouquet of flowers. The woman of my flower shop is a real artist.
Picture is taken in South Africa.


On my mat


I had only time for 2 morning pages today. Then it was suddenly 7 a.m. That's the time where I start sitting in front of my mat, looking into the window of my neighbour, starting breathing.

The suryas are good, it is a steady movement. The standing sequence pleases me as well ( next time I will give more attention to the 2 last positions - the heroe positions). I'm only a heroe of every day life, so these 2 last positions are neglected.

Forward bending - first series: I gave up after the maris. I added supta kurmasana and supta konasana, then I went to the closing sequence: shoulderstand, plough, fish.

I closed with sitting in padmasana, I put my forehead on the floor and breathed. I almost slept again. I remained for a rather long time in this position. It relaxed me.

I had no expectation and so I could enjoy the practice (even though I think it was all rather slobby).

I had no coffee this morning (I forgot to buy one) and no Mysore class this evening: I have to be creative how to spend the evening: some yoga could be good (hahaha).
Picture: Munich, downtown.

Tuesday, November 21, 2006

OM OM OM OM OM OM OM


The picture is so beautiful that I do not write that today is a black day and that I'm ready for something red: my shares. I like the red color, but I damned don't like it when I look at my shares.

Day over

What for a frustrating day. All my work of the last week shall be reversed, because now the decision is made that a complicated software module should do it and not excel. I like excel. I'm paid by hours not by results. Fine. Let's do it the other way now. Non-attachment. But I'm not willing to work overtime.

B. wrote an Email that the last Mysore class was the last Mysore class, because she has too much to do. Also fine.
Here I spend my time - waste my time. haha. I'm happy that it is warm there and that my job is demanding. I plan some yoga postures on the desk. Wherever I'm there is a little mess.
Sometimes I look out of the window into the other offices. Always the same scenes: one man is always desperate, one man has all his papers on the floor, one man has the legs on his desk, always.

Business dinner and yoga


I was out yesterday - business dinner with E. and collegues. Another nice evening with interesting people, who travelled the world, multi-lingual, open-minded. Good food, wine - nothing was missed.


I feared for my practice - but again it was rather good. Perhaps it wasn't that much wine that I had. I woke up at 5:30, I got up and so I had all the time that I needed for my Ashtanga practice (second series today - backbending). I took breaks from time to time. I'm not able anymore to take the leg behind the head. I can accept it. It is good to be on my mat. It became my place where I collect my energy, where I consciously try to be in the here and now.
Animal phase starts: picture is taken in South Africa.



Random thought on the first movement

The first movement of surya namaskara is an absolute positive movement. At first I stand tall and then I take the arms up to the sky. I look upwards to my thumbs or to the sky to check if there are clouds or sunshine. Doing this first movement it is almost impossible to be sad, disappointed, shy, timid or whatever.

That's why it might be so difficult sometimes to start. The very first movement evokes a change of thinking - from looking down to looking up, from passive to active.

Monday, November 20, 2006

Monday morning - it all starts again


I made it till mari C, then the time was over. I need so much more time now. The standing sequence was very good. I was concentrated. I like to use the bandhas. I have the feeling as if they improve the performance of the asanas a lot. Damned I need more time.

Now 9 hours at work. My structured life can go on. I listen to music now before work. It makes me light-hearted. I have a song in mind when I leave the house. I forget that I have to go to work. But of course at the right moment I remember that I have to go. At work I drink a cup of coffee at first. I don't want to see anybody today, but I have to.
Picture is taken in South Africa.

Sunday, November 19, 2006

Brainstorming - next year


Next Wednesday will be Mysore class the last time till April next year (2007). Sad, yes. It is as if the year is already over when Mysore classes are over. I'm in planning mood.

There is still 1 highlight to expect this year: the beginning of the self-practice group. Last Wednesday the 2 other students showed great interest to come. I've collected some business cards now. After the next Mysore class I will contact D. to make sure that we can go to the kindergarten and then I will announce date and time to all those who had shown interest. Will we have the preseverence to practice till the end of March 2007? It is exciting, who will come and stay.
The next year (2007):

Daily practice: Most important thing is to maintain daily practice. This is the real party, the real highlight. Perhaps I will be able to do the entire 2nd series? Not perfect, just to go through all the asanas. Why not dream a little bit. I know it is too much.

To blog: Oh my god, I almost forgot to mention it, but it became part of the daily practice. Yes to blog - to write a blog and to read the blogs of others. It is almost an addiction, so I cannot imagine that I will stop writing.

India: At the moment my plans to travel to India are so far away. But I have 25 days of vacation. Three weeks in India is doable, the other days are for my boyfriend. How to get excited about India again? I ponder to open a bank account to put the necessary money in it. It is more a psychological act than necessary. I almost forgot that to go to India was so important to me a few months ago.

I think now that the main intention shouldn't be to improve the practice. This might become a disappointment as there are too many students in the shala. Sharath is often absent, travelling. Another reason to go to India might be to meet the Ashtangis of the community, to share ideas, thoughts, stories, gossip and so on. Oh yes, I see my motivation soars. OK - India remains on the list.

Photo session: I know it is narcistic, but I want someome to take pictures of me while I do the first series. I want to see how it looks like.

Workshop: Another workshop with Danny Paradise would be good. Dena Kingsberg would be great as well. Or a workshop with ?????? I'm totally open.

One-to-one lesson: B. offers it and I will book one, when she will return from India.

Pranayama and meditaton: Will I have time for it?

Books: I will go on reading, of course. This is part of my life since I know how to read. Books on meditation could be of interest. I've enough Ashtanga technique books.

Shall I book an Iyengar class round the corner of the office? I shall see, I'm not 100% convinced. It is only to improve the technique and to get feed-back from a more advanced teacher.

Of course I will go to the Jivamukti studio from time to time.

Whereever I travel I will travel with my yoga mat and I will look for a studio to practice there.

OK, enough for now.

The practice


I got up shortly after 7 a.m., even though it is Sunday. I had a slow intensive practice (second series). I took a lot of breaths between the asanas. It was quite.

My focus was on the bandhas. In the different asanas it is a different feeling to use the bandhas. It is of different difficulty to use and hold them. Using the bandhas the asanas improve a lot. They are a secret.

Psychologically the standing sequence get shorter and shorter. These few asanas I think now sometimes.

Utthita parsvakonasana is supposed to be a side stretch. In the past I didn't feel it. Now I let the palm show to the right side (when right leg is in front), and then I can feel an intensive stretch on the whole side of the body.

Prasarita padottanasana: I do not jump the legs too far apart. I think it is much more important to keep the back straight and not to put the head on the floor. The corresponding asana upavishta konasana shows the truth. It shows how far I'm able to go down with straight back.

Kapotasana: I think I need help. The wardrobe is a support, but.....a human being is better.

Ardha Matsyendrasana: I take the arm through the leg and grasp the other hand. It is a variation. I think it protects my elbow joint and prepares for the right performance.

Eka pada sirsasana A was so good yesterday evening. B. showed me a "trick" the last time. It is important to take the leg back, really back. Then the shoulder can be taken in front of the leg and again it is important to take the leg back. Then it is "easy" to take the leg behind the head. Yesterday it was true, today not.

Vinyasas: I need them when I do the second series. They balance the backbendings. I hold uttanasana for several breaths.

Attitude: ambitious, discontent. "I should be able to do this and that. I exercise now for I don't know how long." and so on. The last weeks I was so happy with my practice even though I wasn't better. "Should" is an ugly word. Before a long time I wanted to cross it out of my active vocabulary. But today it was here again.

I practiced, I sweated, what else do I want.
Picture is taken in Barcelona, Spain: I don't like to sail (I did it), but sailing boats are always perfect with the masts going up to the sky, one line, simple, but good.

Saturday, November 18, 2006

Focus


There are so many possibilities to focus, so that the series remain exciting for the next years:

- Technique (in the last weeks this was of minor priority for me)

- Breath (to have inhaling and exhaling equally long, to have a soft breath, to initiate the movement with the breath, breath as long as the movement)
- Bandhas

- Movements (steady)

- Dristi

- Flow
- Asanas (holding them longer)
- Vinyasas
- Attitude
only to mention a few.


Super good


What for a good practice. I could even hold the wrist in mari c on the right sight. It felt so good when my belly touched my leg in janu sirsasana. Flow was there, breath, too and bandhas. Vinyasas between asanas were performed, I didn't omit a single asana. Body was astonishing soft. It didn't punish me because of the sinful night yesterday. Grateful, happy, optimistic.
I would have missed something, if I hadn't practiced.

I played music in the background. This helped of course, but why not.
Barcelona (Spain) is a very beautiful city.

It is time for yoga now

Please I want to practice. No distractions anymore. Ashtanga, Ashtanga, yoga, yoga, I practice now. Now.

Do not use animal products


The best time to practice is the early morning


Now it is 10 o'clock and no practice so far. E. is up now, it is no more quite at home. On Saturdays I usually have a phone call with my mother. So it was today. Now I know that I have to pick up a book at the post office. I will have time till 12 o'clock, then the post office will be closed. I have to do some weekend shoppings (no shampoo at home anymore).

I'm dressed with my yoga clothes, but as I see it now I will have time in the early afternoon for my yoga practice.
It makes me crazy. Distraction after distraction on Saturdays.
Good news in the last second: E. will go to the post office to pick up my book.
Picture: Barcelona, Spain, the Ramlahs.

Too much from everything

It was too much from everything yesterday evening. Too much food, too much wine. It was a nice evining. The guitar player came, 2 beautiful Flamenco dancers made a nice show between the ailes of the dishes. Our table neighbours were friendly. I could talk about vegan eating, but I couldn't convince them. We even talked about ascetisicm.

To practice ascetisicm with the goal to enjoy even more when ascetic life is interrupted, I think this was the content of the conversation: An egg a day is less interesting, than an egg only on Sundays. Writing this, I doubt it already. My sojayofu with banana breakfast pleases me every day more without any interuptions. My yoga practice is so much more interesting when I do it every day.

So back to the here and now: first the shower, then writing my morning pages with another cup of coffee, then Ashtanga yoga (first series, forwardbendings are needed). Expectations are much lower than yesterday in the evening before going out. Of course.
Picture: one of the many 1 women/1 men shows in the Ramlahs, Barcelona, Spain.


Friday, November 17, 2006

My yoga highlights of the last year


1. I started Mysore classes

2. The workshop with Danny Paradise.

"You must want it baby." Heidi Klum


What for a sentence. It is not enough to think it would be nice to have this or that. You must want it with all your cells, thoughts and whatever is available. Then there is a chance that you will get it. Yes, It think so.

Working week is over


Today we have learned that they layed off the woman at the reception desk. For a fracture of a second my old fears came up. The next one will be me. But after that fracture of a second I was indifferent to that feeling. It was also more important to say I few inspiring words to the woman. Sometimes I'm able to say the right things and I think I could tell her that it is better to be optimistic. My bf also thinks that I have too many ideas and because of this there is no reason to be afraid of the future. And I have him, he added. Me: But how do I get your money. He: You know how. (yes, I know, marriage, but I think with 47 I'm much too young for that ). My deep conviction is love needs independance, freedom. Contracts give security, old pension. Later, yes, when I'm old and...... I quickly changed the subject. He takes the nice student to the airport now and then he will pick me up - he invited me for dinner. We'll try to get a seat at the Greece restaurant this time.

I have high expectation regarding my practice tomorrow morning. I visualize myself already in my new yoga clothes, taking myself so important, because I practice Ashtanga yoga. Me, an Ashtangi yogini.

Office rule No 2: be dressed beautifully and smile, smile, smile. It is good to have a job.
Offer of the controller to me today: When your collegue gets out of the room we'll run away with the petty cash. I refused (I know what is in the petty cash).
Picture: Barcelona, Spain - today it had to be a restaurant.

Friday morning


I was a little bit too late on my mat. The middle part of the first series and the closing part was very short today. I had to omit most of the asanas. First series means forward bending and this I did several times. It was another practice on a plateau, not bad, not good. I didn't question anything, I knew now is time to practice and I did it.

The Greece restaurant was too crowded, we didn't get a seat, so we went to an Italian restaurant. These evening dinners with E. influence my practice, of course. On the other hand it is almost the only time with bf where we concentrate on each others. At home we both are busy. At home we eat at different times. I could eat less in restaurants. It needn't to be wine all the time. That's what I can change. But it is so seductive to have a red wine with spaghetti tarantino (it is spaghetti with tomatoe sauce with capres and olives, of course with garlic as well). It was a nice evening, I laughed a lot. We talked about my spending habits. I like to spend money. Of course I save as well. But to spend money is more fun. My moto: I cannot afford it to buy cheap things.

I will practice on Saturday. I will have time for the asanas and my practice demands more time now. I want to hold the asanas and in the morning I have no time for this. I practiced, this was so good. And now the last day of the week is waiting: I have a huge task list today. I'm ready to work. It will be a long day, I don't think that I will be at home on time.
Picture: Barcelona, Spain.

Thursday, November 16, 2006

And finally it is evening


E. invited me for dinner. Now I sit here waiting for him. I know there is always a last Email to write. I won't have time for another yoga practice. I see how good it was to practice in the morning. The evening is never predictable, I want to stay flexible.
I will order retsina, water, salad, aubergines, the ouzo is for free. It is entertaining in that Greece restaurant. Often a guitar player comes in to play a few rhytmic songs. Just relaxing.

Office rule no 1: never take anything personal.
Picture is taken in Barcelona, Spain.
For those who read, a book recommendation: George Leonard - Mastery. The keys to success and long-tem fulfillment.
One insight I got from the book was: Like the plateau. There are not always highlights.

practice as usual


There is nothing special to report. My body felt good this morning even after that intensive practice yesterday evening. I was not so flexible as on other days. It doesn't count. I know that it is the plateau that will take me to the next step. The daily practice is the secret.

I feel the day coming where I like to add meditation to my asana practice. Perhaps it is because it is so calm in the morning that I enjoy it to sit as well. I start the practice sitting in front of my mat concentrating on my breath. When it starts getting boring I start with my practice. I sit longer and longer without getting bored. Is it the morning tiredness or the desire to meditate?

Now I'm prepared for the day. It will be again a long day psychologically.
Shopping, shopping everywhere in the world, also in Barcelona, Spain.

Wednesday, November 15, 2006

Fun first


I arrived at work and the first activity was to make a phone call to B. I wanted to make sure that the Mysore class would take place today. And it took place.

B.: "Yes, today is Mysore class and you can buy also a tee-shirts. I have a nice one for you. I still need some money for my Indian trip."

I liked this honesty so much.

Me: "OK, I will buy a tee-shirt today. I like it when you are such an enterprising yogini."

Mysore class was great. I had a very good concentration. I was into the asana. Now I know when an asana is almost perfect: when the feeling comes up that one likes to sleep in that position. And there were some asanas where I could totally relax. I was so relaxed and at the same time able to give so much energy to my practice. It couldn't have been better. I felt happy, yes this rare feeling came up. Most things of my life need construction, but now I was on my mat and I was happy there. Me, the group (2 nice other women and B.) enjoyed our time there. A paradise.

I went out of the house this morning, indifferent and I went home so much richer: I had a wonderful practice and I have two tee-shirts and a pair of trousers now (all very beautiful).

Now is one of the rare moments where I'd like to smoke a cigarette. Of course I won't smoke. I don't even know where to buy cigarettes. And I don't want to smoke again. But the picture is alive now. Strange. Me sitting here, relaxing with a cigarette. No, I forbid this for me. I'm so happy that I'm over it.


I will upload a picture even though it will be too loud and intrusive. I want to have a modest blog, not a crying one. This blog is for me, to keep me going. I want to go on with Ashtanga yoga and I know that it is not always easy. And then I need the blog and the community. I don't want to bother others with my space-consuming pictures.

How shall I survive this winter. I don't know.

Work: sometimes there is almost nothing to do. This is as bad as to have too much to do. It is so exhausting. Always guilty that I should do something, but I don't know what. 9 long hours sitting on a chair. I sit now in half lotus. My pair of trousers do not allow more. But I also see me sitting there in padmasana.
Picture: Barcelona, Spain (doors to go through)

A short practice

I did a few surya namaskaras and half of the standing sequence. Then I went to shoulderstand and plough. A short meditation practice at the end and this was it today. I was on my mat, so it is OK. Always sorry now, that I do not have more time.

What is the best use of my time now, that's the question I have to ask me. Too often I waste my time, and I do not have so much time for myself anymore. We all have the same amount of time, what for a democratic factor. Nobody here on this world has 25 hours a day, but I wished I had.

I don't know if Mysore class takes place this evening. I will take my mat with me in the hope that I can use it. I would like it so much. It is still 2 times then B. will be in India and then I'm on my own.

Iyengar class: I consider to go to an Iyengar class during winter time, in order to work on my techniques. I think that I need help from more experienced teachers. I can test it. Why not.

Tuesday, November 14, 2006

..and now only 45 min


It makes me crazy. Time runs when I'm at home. And nothing is done. Nothing gets done alone either.

I have to simplify everything. I have to throw out what I do not need. Cleaning must be easy. I don't need that much things. I need 2 yoga mats, my PC, a journal, a pen, some nice clothes, a suitcase. What else? Do I need all my spices, all my books? Less is more. Things are a burden. I will start decluttering again. More energy, less things. I need space, emptiness, inside me and outside. All these undone activities and then only 3 hours.

I have to create work at work. I can do this, I had good ideas today, while waiting till others will do their activities. I'm dependant from the activities of others. When the IT department does not enter the prepared list into the software, I cannot start doing the depreciation of the fixed assets. My collegue says sarcastically: this is teamwork. My collegue and me start becoming an old couple. She knows my ticks, I know hers. We laugh about each others. We spend more than 8 hours in one room. I'm happy that she went home on time today. So did I.
Picture: Barcelona, Spain, at the sea.

Dried tomatoes are sweet, so good, too good


I'm so hungry when I'm finally at home, so that I eat to much. This prevents me from doing another yoga session in the evening. This must be changed. Not so much food in the evening and then yoga, a few asanas or a CD.


I have to reflect on my evenings. They tend to be over too fast. Perhaps it is a good idea to take a tea break at first. It is relaxing, warming. After such a tea break I might feel more powerful and it could be a good to start for other activities. I will test it.


I switched to beta blogger now. Now my pictures are to be seen without opening the blog. I don't like this at all. It is so loud and so space-consuming. On the other hand I like to go on publishing pictures. It is so loud, I hate it. Why did I switch to beta blogger?

Flow and fun


I don't talk about my technique. I think some postures are really slobby. But flow was there today. I was concentrated and went from one asana to the next connected by vinyasas. It was fun, too and this is not always the case. Sometimes I think it is a duty, set by myself. But today it was fun, even though I know that I'm at the very beginning. Since 3 years I'm now on the Ashtanga path, now I start seeing the path. It is as if I've just fetched the suitcase to put a few items in it. Which items? It can go on. That's for sure. And it will remain exciting, every morning, every practice is a surprise, something new. I like it.
The highlight of today: I will meet B., the accountant during lunch time.
Picture shows Barcelona downtown.

Monday, November 13, 2006

Just switched to beta blogger


I have to test it. It is so late already and I don't want to go to bed, but I have to. Yoga practice starts now. Picture is from downtown Barcelona, Spain

A weekend in Barcelona, Spain


On Friday I left the office rather early, 4 p.m. I'm always nervous when I travel. Too early I was at the airport. 2 hours in the plane and I landed in another European country. How will the weather be? The doors from the plane opened, the passengers had to go down the steps. A warm wind touched my face. How nice.

I picked up my luggage and went to the taxi stand. A huge queue was there already, but it went forward rather fast. I asked the taxi driver: "Do you speak English?" "No", he answered. Finally we have a common currency in Europe, but no common language. I showed him the piece of paper that I had printed out with the address of the tapas bar. There I wanted to meet my boyfriend. The taxi driver spoke to me as if I spoke Spanish. I sat down in the rear seat. I leaned back. I had much confidence in the taxi driver. After half an hour or so we arrived. I saw my boyfriend waiting for me. We hugged each other, kissed each other.

And then the city had me: I was in the best tapas bar downtown, I drank the best wines. My boyfriend tasted them for me. "You will like it", he used to say after tasting. He tastes the wines in regard of if I like them. That's so nice. It is probably crazy to drink a Californian oaked Chardonnay in Spain, but I like these wines best. In the evening we had red wines. We could sit outside. It was warm. We walked down the Ramlas, watched people and liked it to live.

Picture is taken at the sea there.

Back on my mat


I practiced once in Spain, too. The floor of the hotel room was not that clean, but I had my mat with me. To see the dirt on the floor is not really inspiring, but who cares. The practice was hard. The Tapas bar and the wine were the reason for a difficult practice.

Today it wasn't that easy, too. The excuse for today: not enough sleep. I practiced slowly. When I wanted to leave the mat I decided to do a break instead. I wanted to stay on my mat at least 40 minutes. Standing sequence was good. Closing sequence was rather short. Less food, no alc, enough sleep will support my practice tomorrow.

So cold here in Germany and rainy.

Barcelona in winter time - so warm.

Friday, November 10, 2006

How was it?

Always the same question in the morning. Yes it was good, I had a good practice, even though short, 30 min. I managed to do all the standing asanas, a few forward bendings, like paschimottanasana and some others, then shoulderstand, plough and fish.

Headstand was also part of the closing sequence. Headstand is a must. It is the last concentration task. If not concentrated and focused in that asana I fall. And this asana is in my opinion a crazy asana, it helps to survive my crazy days.

I practiced, I enjoyed my body in wonderful asanas. I respected time, I took advantage of even only half an hour. And now I have to pack my suitcase. I'm fast doing it. I've a check list. Spain is not the dschungel. If something is forgotten, I can buy it. My yoga clothes are already in the suitcase, what else do I need? A lipstick, my journal, a pen, my glasses, my camera. Passport.

Thursday, November 09, 2006

Tomorrow...

...at the same time I'm in the air on the way to a Tapas bar in Spain, Barcelona. That pleases me. Absolutely. My yoga mat under the seat in front of me, reading something. Just fantastic.

Like a mantra I told my collegue about 7 times or even more often: Tomorrow I will go at 4 p.m. I think finally she believed it.

The yoga studio, that I was recommended offers Ashtanga every day during the week, but unfortunately not on Saturdays and Sundays. So I will do my regular morning routine, somewhere in Spain.

Somehow distracted


No focus today. I felt so heavy. I couldn't go to the edges. It hurt. It was a very short practice of 30 min. I did the standing sequence, then dhanurasana, and a very short closing sequence (shoulder stand, plough and fish). Then I sat a few seconds perhaps in padasana. But I was on my mat. The reasons for a not so good practice are not important (too late in bed, it is far in the week, not everyday is the same, too much food yesterday). It is as it is.

Good thing: I woke up before my alarm clock went on.
Boring thing: The movie "the devil wears prada", Meryll Streep was great, I saw some nice clothes. That's what I had expected, but the story was more than boring. A waste of time, yesterday after work. But I went on time.

As everyday I went out for lunch yesterday and I took some pictures. On the picture is the Viktualienmarkt, a market for food in the center of Munich

Wednesday, November 08, 2006

Almost perfect practice


Such a good practice this morning. I didn't omit a single asana, I only forgot supta konasana B. Concentration was there, breath was there, the flow was there. Practice started yesterday evening. I was in bed rather early, not as early as I wished, but at 10:30 p.m.. I woke up at 5:30 and I got up at that time. So I had no time pressure. It was still dark when I started with my practice and now it is a clear day, sun is shining. So nice.

The view today is in strong contrast to my practice, my practice was light and friendly, the view is dark. One neighbour was up, too, I like it not to be up alone that early.

Tuesday, November 07, 2006

It is night here


When I like to have a good practice tomorrow, I have to go to bed now. That's one of the secrets of a good practice. To get up is easier and the practice is likely to be more intensive. It is so easy to got to bed, isn't it?

Could not leave the company on time again. 10 min before 6 the most important meetings take place (planning of the next week). Why?

3 hours remain in the evening. 3 important hours. 3 hours only. And then I sit down and do nothing special. Perhaps nothing special is something special. Pure nonsense. Good night.

Picture is taken at Robbin Island (SA), you can see why it is called Robbin Island.

Too nervous

The practice was accompanied with the thoughts that I would not have enough time. The result, I would have had 10 minutes more, if I weren't so nervous. 10 minutes for a second shower should be enough. So I would have time to practice till 7:50. I have to meassure the time for the closing sequence, so that I know when to start it.

In the last second I remembered that today was the day for the second series. So today was backbending day. Backbendings give courage.

I know now that I prefer being faster and doing more asanas than to be too slow. I can be slow on the weekends, then I have a lot of time. I can remain up to 5 minutes in a position. But during the week I prefer another pace.

The last asana: I don't know where I read it, but the last asana should be relaxing. This can be either savasana or uttanasana. I prefer uttanasana as relaxing pose during the week.

Sun is shining here in Germany. Oh, how I like it.

Monday, November 06, 2006

Munich is an Ashtangi desert


I got an Email from B., Mysore class won't take place on Wednesday. I was the only one who was enrolled for the class on Wednesday. Tuesday, 18:00 is too early for me. I have to work till 18:00 and if it is like today, I have to work longer. That's what I really liked during my 13 years in Berlin. There were so many crazy people. There are several Ashtanga studios in Berlin. People do more exciting things there than sitting in front of the TV. Munich is a desert.

So I will find me again alone on my mat, tomorrow and the day after tomorrow and the day after tomorrow..... It will be difficult to find commited people for the self-practice group during winter time. I shall see, it is too early to worry about.


Picture taken in South Africa.

I got slowly

I practiced this morning, but I have had not enough time for the entire first series. The reason: I got slowly. Now I think I have 2 choices:
First: I get faster again.
Second: I omit asanas, every day other asana.

I will test what feels better.

I think one of the reasons why I need more time is, that it doesn't hurt anymore when I'm in the asanas. I like to do them. It is nice. I can concentrate on the breath and not on the pain.

Thank you Q for your hint regarding the yoga studio in Barcelone, Spain. I will definitely go to this studio and write how it was.

Sunday, November 05, 2006

Preparation for the week

This afternoon:

Me: Oh, I fear the next week.
Bf: What exactly do you fear?

I fell almost off my chair. My bf, an engineer with such a perfect psycholigical question.

Me: I fear that I have not enough to do, I fear that I have too much to do, I fear that I make mistakes, I fear that I run away, I fear...

But the question was too good. Laughter and fear do not come together.

So I'm looking forward to the next week: My tasks are interesting, at least for me: to transform the national chart of accounts into IFRS. That means also to group the accounts. The IT part will be the most difficult part, I will need help, and I don't know so far, who will help me, but I will found out. I'm more and more away from entering datas, that's nice, even though I like to enter things, too. And there are still so many other things to do (checking bank accounts, completing inventory and so on), I do not want to go more into details.

The day was very productive. Not everything, but most of the things that I postponed during the week are done now (ironing, private accounting, paying bills, and so on). I feel so much lighter now.

The reward at the end of the week is waiting: the week-end trip (Friday to Sunday evening) to Barcelona, Spain. So far I haven't found via internet a yoga studio that is open. I contacted 1 person, but so far I got no answer. If I won't practice in a studio there, it would be OK, too. Of course I will travel with my yoga mat and I will find time to practice in the morning.

Bf wants to go out for dinner, even though I promised him a delicious leek soup. But I like to order something without having much to do, too. So, let's enjoy the last hours of this rainy Sunday.

Intensive practice (2nd series till leg behind the head)


It was a very intensive practice. Breath was always with me. I remembered to use the bandhas and I searched my edges. My body shows less resistance, so I can do more with it than perhaps half a year ago. I enjoyed to be in the asanas. As I went to the edges in many poses I felt a light pain, pain is not the right word. It is more that the body talked to me, wanted to tell me to be carefully with myself. I did all the vinyasas as well. From time to time I took a break in order to relax. I only breathed, I didn't leave the mat for a break, how I do it sometimes. I remained where I was and after a while I went on. I had a very intensive one hour and fifteen minutes of Ashtanga practice.

I even did savasana. This is also a posture I always omit. Today I laid down after the practice and enjoyed the hard floor (hard floor is actually my thick mat). I was almost sad that it was over then. But how it is: everything that started implicits already the end. Only if there is no beginning, there is no end. Everything that is born will die, even the stars. And also this blog will soon come to an end, but not before I tell you, that.......

Yesterday in the evening I was at an Indian restaurant with my boyfriend. It is a few blocks away. OK, food was too heavy, but since a month or so I do not jump on the scales anymore. My weight became of lower interest. Life seems more exciting, as that the scales in the bathroom can give to me.

My boyfriend: Have you ever been to New York?
Me: No. Eyes getting bigger.
My boyfriend: Would you like to go to New York still this year before Cristmas?
Me: Yes (I guess it is not necessary to mention that I couldn't hide my excitment.)
Break.
Me: Would you mind if I go to a yoga class in New York?
My boyfriend: No.

I have not one angel that takes care of me. There must be a lot of them.

Picture is taken this summer at the Isar, Munich. Everything flows.

Saturday, November 04, 2006

I tried to kiss my feet


I tried to kiss my feet in paschimottanasana
I tried to kiss my feet in ardha baddha padma paschimottanasana
I tried to kiss my feet in triang mukhaikapada paschimottanasana
I tried to kiss my feet in janu sirsasana
.........
and so on

Of course I was not successful, but it helped me to keep the back straight.

Practice was very good and so slow - about 2 hours perhaps. I remained in the asanas and breathed. Intention: to practice beautifully.


The picture shows the view I had a few days ago during my yoga practice- the first snow.

It's late

I like to be up that late.

I just made a plan for tomorrow morning. How interesting: Ashtanga yoga primary series.

Dinner with 2 young ladies and boyfriend was very good. I could speak English the entire evening. The 1 young lady wants to meet me in Spain again, next weekend. We shall see, who knows.

Friday, November 03, 2006

It is mens'day today or how my bf makes me think of him

Yesterday I went as usual to the kitchen after the shower. Bf had to get up before me, because he had a flight to London in the morning. I was alone and prepared my morning cup of coffee. I filled my cup of coffee with water, so that I could heat exactly the water that I needed for one cup. I pourred it into the water heater. While it is heating, I put the filter on the cup, then I took the filter paper and put in the filter and then I put 2 tea spoons of coffee into the filter paper. In the meantime the water was boiling and I pourred the boiling water into the filter. Then I went to the bed and made the bed. It is done in a minute or so. Then I went back to the kitchen, the coffee should be ready then. I went back. There was a coffee flooding in the kitchen.

The day before, while I was at Mysore class, we had some guests. My dear bf prepared a few cups of tea for them. He didn't meassure the water exactly and didn't pour the remaining water into the sink. I hadn't noticed that there was already water in the water heater and now I had the flooding, suspecting at once my bf with his "abilities" re housework.

I had to smile.

In the evening he called me. This time he called me from Heathrow airport, London. I get phone calls from so many airports of this world. I appreciate it so much. He told me that he was ready for boarding. He is always one of the last to enter the plane. We talked. Bf likes it that I have always something to tell. "You made me remember of you this morning," I told him, "you made sure that I do not forget you." Pause. I went on: "I made my cup of coffee in the morning and I had a coffee flooding." I couldn't stop laughing. He, too. At least he knew exactly, why I had this flooding.We had so much fun.

Practice was average this morning. But I practiced and this is what counts.

Now I'm sitting in an internet cafe, near the station. Internet access at home is not working. There is always something to repair.

I had a good working day today, I had the feeling, that I had completed some projects. Again my collegue didn't like to go home at five. She: "I stay another hour." Me: "Damned, go home." Our boss told her the same, without the damned.

How I like my weekends now.

Thursday, November 02, 2006

On habits

The day consists of habits, habits, habits. After work I have the habit to walk home. It takes 45 min and during this 45 min l at least try to forget the working life. Today it was freezing cold and I'm not yet used to it, but I walked home. A habit that had established a month ago.

I thought about habits during my way home. One habit accompanies me during decades: It is the cold shower in the morning (of course after the warm shower). Every morning I look forward to this fresh water, which wakes me up.

Even the morning cup of coffee changed, it used to be a cup of tea a few years ago. Astonishing that I like this cold shower so much. When I started this habit, I found that the water was cold, too cold.

Mysore class, self-practice group

6 people this time and I had a good practice.

Important was that I could again tell about the self-practice group during winter time. A young guy was so happy, that I organize this group. Another woman wanted to get adjustments. I was astonished about those claims. I need 5 to 6 people who like to practice on a regular basis. That's it. And it is the best, if those people are not all fresh beginners. I hadn't prepared a flyer, but I could hand out my business cards - perhaps this is enough.

This morning I have only time for a few surya namaskaras. I have to fetch Perry Rhodan books from the post-office, that my boyfriend had ordered at Ebay. He is again on his way to London, another business trip. But think about it, because of Perry Rhodan I cannot practice. I will practice in the evening. That's my resolution now. It shows my flexibility.

We had the first snow here yesterday. It was very cold in the evening.