And I was happy that I did one breath, one asana. I feared that I'd leave the mat without having tormented myself.
After the suryas, which were not that smooth like the other days I leaned against the window observing my neighbours like a voyeur. The student on the left side was eating her breakfast. The woman in the house in front of the house where I live was smoking and reading the newspaper. Her hair is not so bright red anymore. She must have dyed it into a more light color. Right above was also someone walking around. After a while I decided to go on with my practice. Motivation was low.
I did the the standing sequence very fast - in and out of the asana very quickly. I tried to get into parivrita parsvakonasana without putting the knee on the floor first. The consequence - I wasn't as deep in that asana as usual. But I gave it a try.
Then I did a few forward bendings - no vinyasas. It's Friday. I went to bed on time, I ate not too much and good stuff, no alcohol. There is no reason why motivation was so low and practice so bad. I don't think too much about it. I left my mat already, it is at its place already. Another boring working day is before me. At 5 a.m sharp I want to leave the office.
I don't think that I will find real passion in that job. I want to stay a year that's for sure (if they don't lay me off before the year is over). After this year I have fullfilled the conditions to pass the tax adviser test. But do I really want this? This test can open the door to much more money. But I'm not sure if I will be able to pass the test. And I'm looking for easier ways. I want to make money while I'm sleeping. I don't want to work hard for the money.
My conviction that developped in the last years: Work must be fun, then it's as if it is no work and it will bring much more money, which is no more that important, because it is fun what I'm doing. Is that dialectic?