Sunday, December 03, 2006

On writing

I started writing exactly the 1st Jan 2000. I was inspired by one of the books by Julia Cameron. She recommends in all of her books the so called "Morning pages". Morning pages mean that I get up in the morning, one of the first things is to write these exactly 3 pages. Most of the time it is really 3 pages, then I stop, almost compulsatory. Sometimes I write less as a lack of time. Sometimes I write more, because I was not able to write everthing I wanted within these 3 pages.

The pages are recommended as a sort of creative writing. That means:
- I do not filter, I write everything which comes in my mind.
- I do not want that anybody reads it.
- I do not care about correct spelling, I just want to write.

These morning pages have changed my life, because I made some discoveries, more accidentally:
Before I write a few of these discoveries, I want to emphasize that writing a jounal can have therapeutical effects, but it is not a therapy (a slight, but an important difference).

- I noticed, that if I was angry about anything or if I had fears, or generally spoken, if I had strong negative emotions, I could write and write, 3 pages were not enough, I remembered every detail. When I experienced something very nice, take a nice evening with E., I just wrote: it was a nice evening. I could be more detailed as well, but I wasn't.

Why is it so: I read a lot, so let me quote an author: Mr Klein, who wrote about Glück (luck) I think this book exists in English, too. He is a scientific, the book was a bestseller here in Germany, in case this is of any importance for you. He wrote, that people were very interested in bad news. I think this is true, I only have to open the newspapers, or to switch on the TV, or to listen to conversations. I could go on and on. But why? People want to survive. That's why they are looking for bad experiences other people made in order to avoid it for themselves, to make sure that they would survive. Our interest in shocking news is really high, because of it. Knowing this, it is possible to question it. Not every bad news is important for my survival. I can shift my perception to more funny pleasant events. And this happened with me. Always more often I did/do not want to write about a "bad event" of my life, because I do not want to relive it. I'm bored. I prefer to write about things that pleases me. The consequence is that I see more nice aspects of my life than bad ones, which makes me happier.

- I do not bother friends anymore via phone calls with the daily "suffering".

One day I realized that I filled my morning pages with yoga, yoga, yoga (good subject). I discovered the ashtangi.net and found like-minded people. I pondered to write about yoga in a blog. I do it since half a year now and it became a passion. I like to write in a blog. I like it that others read what I wrote. I feel connected to a group.

The blog is different to my morning pages:
Only my readers can judge if this is correct what I write:
- I want to make as less spelling and grammer mistakes as possible.
- The focus is yoga.
- The blog has another intention than my morning pages. My private journal is supposed to clean my soul. The blog shall keep me motivated doing yoga. This blog is a great support to keep me motivated.
- I limit myself: I do not write too much about other people. I try to avoid too negative entries, what is not always possible, as anger, fears, tiredness, dissappointments are also part of my life.
- I also write about other subject from time to time, but then these other issues are so strong, that my mind is occupied with these events. But as Sigmund Freud said: It doesn't matter if you talk about dumblings or yoga or sex with a person, he/she will reveal his/her personality no matter on wich subject one talks.

To write publicly:
I remember that I was very excited when I published my first entry on my blog. Questions like, who will read it came up. Samasthithi gave me the information how to put stat counter on my blog. Now I know how many readers are on my side on a daily basis. Curiously I check it. I found out that only 8 readers were on my blog in the beginning. What for a shock. The whole world could read my blog, but actually only 8 people did it and from these 8 people a few were only for a few seconds on my blog. This gave me the courage to write more freely - only 8 readers. But like always in life, not the quantity counts, but the quality of the readers. I cherish my readers very much.

Then I wrote about the death of my grandma and suddenly I had so much more readers. Till now I don't know how surfers find entries with "bad" news. Do you remember my sentences about bad news.

On comments: I love them. Finally a dialogue can start, I get feed-back. Sometimes commenters console, give hints, new ideas and so on.
Of course I moderate. But I do not recommend this, because I like the comments on the blogs which are not deleted, which I would delete. Why do I moderate? I didn't fear that much that somebody could insult or injure me, I feared rascist, sexist, fascist comments,and I didn't like to have them on my blog, not for a second.

All the time when I show stronger feelings than usual, I'm thankful to those people who provoked me. Who tells the truth nowadays? Not so many people. Feeling injured, provocated, I ask me why. Why am I so touched? Is something true, perhaps only a small aspect? If someone insults me a woman with ugly black hair, I think the insulter is crazy, ready for hospital, because I'm a blonde. I'm not at all really touched. I can see that someone wanted to insult me, but it has nothing to do with me. But do I want to publish this. For me the answer is no, but I'm learning from those comments that I do not publish.

I will go on writing my journal, it is for my mental well-being, I will go on blogging. It is fun, it supports my yoga practice.

Ashtanga yoga now: second series.

Ahhhhhh, to write is pure fun.

These things I would take on an island: my yoga mat, a pen, lot of journals and the book by Marcel Proust " Auf der Suche nach der verlorenen Zeit". Oh damned I almost forgot my boyfriend.

6 comments:

Tim said...

And what about a laptop and satellite uplink for the island, so you could keep posting?

Very thoughtful post on writing/blogging. Thanks.

Ursula said...

Oh, thank you very much, Tim.

alotusgirl said...

You are brilliant! I love your blog and read it every morning. It is part of my morning ritual and todays blog especially resonated with me. The line about people wanting to hear bad news, it's like driving upon a car wreck and you can't pull your eyes away....
I love that you focus more on the positive. Something that I am trying to do more and more, even though I consider myself to be a very positive person as do my friends. Little negatives creep in every day anyway.
I also worked on Julie Camerons Morning Pages but never continued...you gave me some inspiration today my friend!
Oh, and I hope you make India a reality...you would love it so much. I will be there for 5 weeks in March!
Namaste and Peace~
Tracy

Ursula said...

Thank you Tracy for reading my blog. Thank you for you compliments. Ursula

Anonymous said...

I am truly inspired after reading your blog.

Ursula said...

Thank you.