Wednesday, June 29, 2016

Focus is the process

Today my practice was painful again. I needed breaks. This is absolutely OK for me. I'm not stopped because one asana is not as it should be, I don't feel pushed. All my ambition is focused on getting up early (5am) to practice Ashtanga yoga. That's it.

I learned that even top performer are better when they have a relaxed attitude. Trying to give 90 percent shows better results than trying to give 180 % every day.

On the other hand I prefer to stay in bed to do anything half-hearted. My heart-blood must flood, otherwise it's not worth doing anything. I love Ashtanga yoga, but not every fashion of it.

Every day I become a bit stronger. At least it feels so. I focus on the positive aspects and I ignore the frustration. This is what yoga is. It's a mental exercise.

Now, at 15:49 this Wednesday my back is not existing. It's like a miracle. How long will it last?

Also today I'll go to bed early and I'll get up early.
On Friday I'll try primary again.

Tuesday, June 28, 2016

I take the steps

I take the steps of the subway entries, I take the steps at home. I need strong legs for so many asanas. My legs are slightly sore, something is moving.

Before katotasana I was advised to do an exercise that shall help me to relax the upper body and to keep the legs engaged. I lie on 5 blocks that are under my arms in the middle of my back. With the hands I press against a wall. Slowly I walk down the wall with my hands. The pose gets deeper that way.
I'll have focus on the breath again. My breath is superficial these days. I even hold it, not on  purpose, but I fear the back pain. My practices are not pain free. A yogi told me a trick today after the practice, that helped him. Just laugh at and about the pain. This can indeed help, because in my case the pain is probably chronic already.

I do what is possible without pushing too much. I trust that my daily practice will help me to get better every day a tiny bit.

The rhythm to go to bed early and to get up early is perfect. I love the sun rise. Often the sky is red. It's such a joy to see this in the morning.

After the practice I went to a vegan restaurant round the corner to have a lemon-chia-cake and a chai. It had the addiction factor. But my breakfast at home is also excellent. From time to time to step out of the routine spices up life.

Monday, June 27, 2016

I progress again, and this shall be my focus

This was my supta kurmasana in 2014.
(Facebook excavates all these old pictures. I'm not sure if I'm convinced about it.)

A reader asked me in a comment if I know how this SI joint injury happened:
One cannot be sure. But I suspect that in my case i.e. supta kurmasana was the cause, because in the 'tradition' (whatever this shall be) it's always the left leg first behind the head. Then comes the right leg. My right side of the body is stronger as I'm right-handed, so it's harder to be as flexible on the right side as on the left side. But I needed much more flexibility to get the right leg not only behind the head, but also above the left leg (see picture). I personally am convinced that if I had altered legs, my body would still be balanced and therefore my body would be OK.
Padmasana is another pose that created imbalance in my body. Here too, one has to take the left leg first. Always. I used to alter legs. And I'm back to it.
These asanas are advanced asanas. For me it's important to practice both sides evenly. I can be wrong.
Not only Ashtanga yoga practitioners have SI joint issues. There are many causes. But one can do something to avoid it.

I learned that it's important to have strong abdomen. One has to do extra exercises probably. The muscles always keep the joints safe. I got stronger during my yoga practices, but Ashtanga yoga is not a strength training.
I think that this is an important rule. Always engage muscles to keep the joints safe.
This is also true for poses when the shoulders are challenged. How to do it? I learned a lot from books written by people who do strength training. I.e. when you want to do a pull-up, it's very dangerous to hang on the bar. From the beginning on the shoulder muscles must be engaged and this happens when the shoulders are pulled downwards slightly. Test it. Stretch your arms to the sky or the ceiling and then slightly pull your shoulders down. Muscles do this work and with this tiny movement the joints are protected. This knowledge is important to make the practice safe.
There are always muscles that must be active.
This shoulder tip is important for urdhva dhanurasana.

And this is two years later (now):

I curse. It drives me crazy how many poses I lost.

This is my very first focus to let go of the past. I cannot turn the clock backwards. It can be that I must live now with this Si joint injury and the pain that comes with it. Then it might be so.
And I progress. Today M helped me also in supta kurmasana. I could bind, my fingers could hook and my legs were crossed behind my head. I was passive. This is also something one learns when practicing Ashtanga yoga. The ability to relax when it gets tough is a skill, that can be learned.

It's still not very easy to get up that early (5am). But I did it and enjoyed a wonderful Mysore class. It helps me, it supports me. I go home content. I'm back exploring what is possible in this life and on the mat, too.

My practice was slightly painful. I rested in child's pose after every back bending asana. This feels good and makes sure that I feel great afterward. I do.
Best is for me that I can listen to my body and it's needs. I feel free to alter the rules. I don't feel any pressure. That's how it shall be.

Now I must only get stronger again.

Sunday, June 26, 2016


There are always alternatives. Instead of pashasana I practice the above pose. It was shown to me as pashasana is no more possible for me, too. I can only indicated it these days. A lot of poses are lost due to my SI joint injury that is fading away every day a tiny bit more. After more than 7 months with this painful back I have to return to my level 3 years ago. I will.

I practiced today at home. This allowed me to take some pictures. Again I realize what a great learning tool this is. The poses all look different than they feel.

Tomorrow I'll go to a Mysore class. I'm looking forward to my practice, the adjustments and the group. I feel very welcomed where I practice now.
I don't feel forced to do poses that damage my back. I can practice close to the Ashtanga series, but not strict. Yoga is about flexibility.

Soccer time now........European Championship (Germany : Slovakai)

Thursday, June 23, 2016

My current supta kurmasana

"Do what is possible."

What can be seen in the picture is possible. I'm so far away from what I was able to do. And this all because of my blocked SI joint, an Ashtanga yoga injury!!!!! Annoying is only that I could have avoided it, if I were a bit more rebellious. Past. I see a bright future and I see myself there with the legs behind my head again and it's so easy that I can relax in that poses. LOL.

I should practice supta kurmasana instead of dwi pada sirsasana. Primary doesn't feel good. Second series has also forward bending asanas, but not that many, which is good for me. Alone I'm no more able to do dwi pada sirsasana. And all these leg behind the head poses were a piece of cake for me.

So in the last Mysore class we started with the pose shown above. Then M put my feet on blocks. My task was to be passive. One must be able to be passive. I trust M. Resistance is not necessary. I don't have the feeling that I have to protect myself. Soon my feet were on 2 blocks and my arms were under the legs. No way to bind. But my legs were somehow behind my head. I was lifted and the outer form was a dwi pada sirsasana. On my own, I could push my legs backwards. Perfect.

Since yesterday my back seems to be better. Perhaps this adjustment stretched my body and the cells could move to their origin place. I don't know. I'm on my way to recover. Sometimes in tiny steps, sometimes it seems that I'm back to normal soon. Oh my, I needed a lot of patience.

An advanced yogini thinks: Thank you. I'm ready for everything.
The show can go on.
Our likes and dislikes are not really that important.

(No spellcheck available....)

Instead of eka pada sirsasana

This is the pose I was recommended to practice instead of eka pada sirsasana. This pose was also recommended by my physio therapist. It opens the hip and it's relaxing. It's indeed an excellent preparation.

All the leg behind head poses scare me these days, because I think they might be the cause for my SI joint issues. Not the poses themselves were the cause, but the rule to use only i.e. left leg first.

My issues came because my SI joint was blocked. Then the psoas adopted the work of the SI joint, but they are not made to do this. The consequence is they cramp. To loose this cramp is painful, yet it forces again the joint to work. But why is this SI joint blocked???? I always want to find out the cause. One must solve issues by finding out  why something happened. Only cosmetics is not the solution. M mentioned it yesterday, why this SI joined is blocked. It comes because of a misplacement of the hips. And why did this misplacement happen???? Because in Ashtanga yoga it's a not understandable rule to take always one leg first, either the right side or the leg side. Especially if one has to go deep into these forward bending asanas, because the legs are not that long there is a lot of pressure on the hips and the lower back. Now I have to undo this. And my strong abdomen have to support my lower back. My hips that were always even must be exercised evenly again.
Understanding is precious. It took me some time. I mean a doctor told me I have psychological issues. He obviously has a very reduced way to make diagnosis: back pain is psychological. Point. My physio therapist shook her head in astonishment. SI joint issues are never caused by the soul. Other back pain issue might have stress factors as a reason.

Now where I know the causes, I know how to practice.
Since my last practice and it was a very intensive one all is better. It's really like a miracle.
M positive feeling begin to dominate again the entire process that lasts now more than 7 months. I have hope, I love to practice. Yesterday I started taking pictures again.

At a certain age the teaching must be individual. So happy that I returned to M.

Wednesday, June 22, 2016

Relieved beyond imagination

Today it was already a tiny bit easier to get up at 5am.

I went again to a Mysore class, That starts at 7am.
This morning I answered to a comment that I want to alter home practices with Mysore classes. But after the Mysore class today I changed my mind. I simply learn more with M than I could teach myself at home. I want to get back to my level of 3 years ago as soon as possible, but safe. This is possible with the advice of M. He has the experience. He has the knowledge and the sensitivity. He is flexible also in his mind.

Back to the teaching. M is able to teach individually. He doesn't stop students as main teaching method, he gives tips how to progress, how to do even more.
Yesterday I stopped my practice at eka pada sirsasana. I indicated this pose. It's a deep forward bending pose and afterwards comes urdhva dhanurasana. Yet today I was advised to practice till pincha mayurasana. After this pose back bending (urdhva dhanurasana) is easier. It's important for me now to have a  soft transition from one form of asanas to the next. The advice proofed to be excellent. I practiced pincha mayurasana against the wall. First I was scared, but after several attempts I was up.

As so many asanas are not possible anymore I was recommended to do asanas that prepare the ones I'm not able to do. Yes, why not. This is flexibility.

Instead of eka pada sirsasana I do a pose that even my physio therapist recommended. Instead of dwi pada sirsasana I exercise supta kurmasana, that is I do what is possible. I practice yoga nidra and then pincha mayurasana. This feels good.

I left the practice room without any pain!!!!!!!! I sit here without pain.
I know I have to work on strength especially on the abdomen. It's very important.

When I arrived at 7am, M arrived at the same time. We chatted a bit and I learned that he has had SI joint injuries, too. This makes him to an experienced teacher.
This is always my speech, that those teacher are the better ones who had difficulties with asanas. That forced them to understand the asanas.

It's the same with yoginis. Sometimes someone comes to a yoga class and is able to bend back and reach the calves after a few months only. Usually this gets many admiration. Me, too, I love to see these forms, I love to see what is possible with a body. But for me this doesn't mean that this person is an advanced yogini. The body simply allows to do this poses. I admire those who have difficulties with the asanas, but stick to the practice.

Yogi M knows more than me. He'll guide me out of the valley, I'm currently in with all this SI joint issues. Finally I found back my optimism. This feels good.

I sit here for more than an hour and I still have no back pain. I'm relieved beyond imagination.

Tuesday, June 21, 2016

I return as an invalid.

I must have slept a bit last night, but not much. Again and again I woke up, I tossed and turned. At 5 am my alarm clock woke me up. Only 10 more minutes, I thought. I was so tired and I had the feeling that I could finally sleep. If I hadn't an appointment with my friend S. I would have slept in. But so I had to get up. And I managed it. This morning we had only cold water. This cold shower was good. The tiredness disappeared. Black coffee helped, too.

I had a breakfast date with friend S. after yoga, after the Mysore class with my former yoga teacher. It's now almost 3 years that I didn't practice with him. The last 7 months I was alone on my mat at home. My back pain made it difficult to practice regularly.

A lot has changed since then.
The practice starts at 7am and not at 9am, which is great.
The location is new and I love it much more than this old garage.
All the bureaucracy is done by staff and not by yoga teacher.  

When I saw M in the practice room I told him about my blocked SI joint. This injury was familiar to him. I must engage the bandhas, I know. I even think I must do extra strength training for the abdomen.

It was absolutely OK that I focused on second series only. The kapotasana adjustment that I got was perfect. I was so deep in that pose. It has been ages that I had such a performance. I sum it up: I'm again enthusiastic. I found a teacher who allows me to take care of my body.

When I left the shala M asked me if everything was OK with my back. It was. He is caring. He is not dogmatic. The yogi is the focus and not the rules.

After breakfast with S. I headed home and I was tired like hell and slept for hours. This was it for today. Tomorrow I'll practice again in a Mysore class. I loved the energy in the group, but it was not pushing. After the twists I finished my practice. Safety first.
On Thursday I'll have to go to the dentist in the morning. I don't know what I'll do on Friday. I want to cultivate home practices, too.

I'm more than happy. The show can go on. I love to get back to a life rhythm that means to get up early and to sleep early. I love the early mornings.

Today is soccer time: European championship. I watch TV.
The picture above is taken 6 years ago during the world cup.